Contains abuse - At a loss

Wolven · 30-10-2011, 12:41 AM

I guess I'm more after your honest opinions, if you're willing to give them to me. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do.

I have a history of domestic violence and sexual abuse with my ex. I split from him after finally getting the courage to walk away about 1.5 years ago. I have been with my current partner for just over a year, and he has been amazing.

I guess...I will just paste this from a different thread:

I don't even know what happened. You went to lie down on me and I moved at the same point. Obviously something hurt you, it wasn't my fault...I want you to know I didn't do anything to hurt you on purpose.

So then why did you get so angry and punch me? Sure it was just on the thigh, but I have cuts there and it was a fair decent punch. Why punch me when something happened to accidentally hurt you?

I'm so confused. You're meant to be the one who doesn't hurt me. But you punch me then apologize profusely?

So many flashbacks from the ex. Getting hit constantly. I'm actually purely terrified that this won't be a one off incident. It's how it always was - he'd hit me, then apologize promising it'd never happen again. All too similar.

Scared. Confused. Hurt.

I feel like I'm over-reacting about what happened. Like...he punched me on the thigh, albeit it was quite a punch, but left no bruising or anything. But I've had people telling me to think about leaving him. I just don't know...he's been so amazing, and it was a once off...but I've been through domestic violence again so I'm scared...

So just, honestly..if you were in a position like this, would you stay with your partner, or leave them?

Wolven · 30-10-2011, 01:19 AM

Driving myself nuts not knowing what to do :(

Heaven Knows · 30-10-2011, 01:27 AM

Hi there.
Sorry to hear this has happened to you, and it is playing on your mind.
I myself have had two abusive partners, and now, like you, am with someone who's completely different to them. I have to admit, sometimes when we're messing around or whatever my partner does accidentally hit me, or raises his hand to me and I get scared and it causes the flashbacks. He's always said he'd never hurt me like the other guys did, and I believe him. It doesn't stop the thoughts and flashbacks though when he does something like this.
I think you need to decide whether he is that kind of person, or whether it was just a bit of an accident and he just allowed himself to get a little too rough with you...sorry this ramble probably isn't making much sense, but I wanted you to know you're not alone.
*hugs*
If you ever want to talk, please feel free to PM me.
x Katie x

Wolven · 30-10-2011, 08:32 AM

Thanks Katie. I'm sorry you've had to go through abuse with 2 partners :( That really sucks.

I know he isn't that sort of person, but he used to get into a lot of physical fights a lot when he was younger so he knows how to throw a punch. I just can't stop thinking that if it happened once, it will happen again.

So confused.

Heaven Knows · 30-10-2011, 08:35 AM

*hugs*
It's okay to be confused about this, it's understandable.
Could you maybe take some time out from the relationship? Give yourself time to process it all?
The bottom line of it really is whether you feel safe and comfortable continuing with the relationship?
x Katie x

Minnie-Lily · 30-10-2011, 12:32 PM

Hey!

Does your current partner know that you've been in an abusive relationship in the past? And i take it, it wasn't a playful punch?

I totally empathise with your situation but because you've been through it in the past i can see why you worry.

Maybe it would be best to have a talk with him (if you haven't already) just to see what he says?

I hope whichever way you go, you're happy

Minnie-Lily

xxxxx