frustrated

[ghosts in the machine]

So I've been discussing this with my counsellor recently about how I can't take baths (literally; every time I think about having one I manage to set off a worse than usual panic attack). And it's not even me it's scaring, it seems to be one of my child alters that the emotion is coming from, only it's strong enough to set off my panic.

It's frustrating me. I don't like not knowing why this terrifies us, nor do I like the knowledge that there's probably nothing I can do about it. I have the memories of the abuse I went through, what's so different about this? Is it not as bad or the same as other memories? If so why can't I remember it? Is it worse? Not to sure how that's possible.

I suggested throwing myself into a bath and hoping that flashbacks would ensue to see if there was anything noteworthy of my fear of baths, but the counsellor said that wasn't a good idea and that I should just allow any memories to resurface if/when they do. It's driving me crazy not knowing though, anyone else felt like this before? Any advice on what I could do?

[Popple]

I agree with your counsellor putting yourself into a potentially very upsetting situation could cause you a lot of distress and may leave you feeling worse especially if you don't remember anything because it will be like you put yourself through that for nothing.
I really do understand how frustrating it is to not be able to rememeber but if pressure yourself into remembering you are increasing the chance of false memories because you will be so desperate for an answer. Also your mind has blocked out the memory for a reason, probably to protect you and stressing yourself out and making yourself upset is going to make it less likely that you will remember because your mind will think your not ready to remember and carry on protecting itself from something that could possibly be very damaging.
Take care of yourself love
x

[SucseroMySweet]

Honey, thats a really bad idea. Like I said before, we will work through it together, and I will make notes. Have you asked Xander? He seems to know a lot about that stuff.

Its like unravelling string, if you try to do it too fast, you'll just get in a bigger mess than when you started. We love you so much and don't want that to happen for you.

Here every step and always, I promise.

[ghosts in the machine]

Thank you for all the replies.

I know the whole "jump in the bath and screw the consequences" is a bad idea... although it's an appealing short term fix.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Pixie

something that could possibly be very damaging.

It's just... I know the worst of what's happened. Or part of the worst. But either way.. I don't see how it could be any more damaging than what I already know and that's what frustrates me the most. There's no reason for it to stay hidden.

[Popple]

Its frustrating but you can't control that, some people never remember certain things, others remember everything. Only time will tell which is not the best answer but its true.

[Katiee]

I'm not sure what to say, hun. Though I can see and understand why not remembring is stressing you out. I hope you keep working things out with your counsellor. Stay safe. I'm always here if you wanna talk. *hugs* xo.