its hard to say how i feel and im so not used to saying it that i relli dont know how to put it into words. here goes, well have u ever felt relli rejected and left out of stuff, not necessarily by family, but friends and stuff. i havent made the effort myself and i dont relli feel like seeing neone or bothering to make the effort but i wish that some of my friends would. i want to feel accepted and i wanna see people but i dont want to have to start that. i just want to know wether there are ne people that want to know me, and atm i dont know if there are. i dont know if neone can relate to this, maybe some of it. i just hate feeling like im in this on my own. i feel so lost recently like im not sure where i am, physically, mentally, socially, everything i relli am so lost. i dont know wot to do, i think i just need to wait until i go to college or see some people or something. ive just been out of contact for ages compared to when it was every single day with most of the people i knew. i get nervous about talking to people because i think that if they wanted to talk to me they wud have wudnt they. i dont want to impose myself on neone.
also i havent been close with my so called best frined for ages, things changed between us a while ago and its just not the same nemore. he dusnt talk to me or strike up conversation like he used to. i know i may have been difficult or mean in the past but i miss him now, so much. i miss having someone i can rely on to always be there to talk to me even if at the time i didnt want it. i appreciate all the now, and its stupid that i didnt wen everything was fine with us. i cant bring myself to talk to them about nething like this, i just dont know how to do it. i know im ranting, and im sorry, i know noone reli cares about all this, its just so petty, just maybe if u have red it and know wot i mean or have gone thu the same types of feelings, just to say, because i feel so alone.
i feel like all the time im wearing a mask being completly normal and never showing the other side of me, how i feel relli lost and everything like that, and now its become so second nature that i sometimes feel and think, well theres nothing wrong is there, when i also believe that well there is deep down, further than i think aswell as the shit im feelin nearer the surface. i can cry almost instantly if someone starts saying something nasty or has a go at me, or even if its briefly just commenting nastily, i dont think i wud react like that if there wasnt nething wrong generally. i feel relli sensitive but i let it wash off my back. so i dont understand how there can be something wrong if my image is just as normal as ever. or have i pushed all my feelings too far away for so long that i dont know how to express them nemore. i dont know, i dont understand.
i shudnt be ranting like this, i just never do, it might be a good thing that i am.
but like i sed i just feel so alone.
*-*be my everything and i will be your anything*-*
dont feel alone, i know where you're coming from, im lost too, so i probably wont have any good advice, but i just want you to know that you are not alone in the way you are feeling
as for your best mate..why dont you tell him you miss him? maybe write him an email or something, you dont even have to tell him how you're feeling atm just that you miss the friendship you had?
why dont you get in contact with a friend, go out to the cinema or something, just something small to start off?
are you getting any help with the way you're feeling atm?
we're always here for you =)
take care
saz xxxx
thanks [hugs u] heh, i know i shud relli say something to him, but its hard i just wudnt know ot to say. im not gettin any hep or nething this is the first time ive come out and said how im feeling, and i thought it wudnt cause ne problems if i did on here. i think i wud find it too difficult to say it in words and then id just brush it off as nothing. i know its not good but in a way its nice to know im not on my own, thanks, made me feel better. xx
*-*be my everything and i will be your anything*-*
i know what you mean sweetie, i know that feeling really well.
sometimes we need it, you know, just to be alone?
but then it gets to the point where you feel like you may as well just drop off the face of the earth, cause you feel so out of the loop..you may as well be on the other side of the country.
anwhose, i guess what im getting at is i understand how your feeling.
just start out with somethin small..go out for lunch with one of your friends or go to the mall or somethin. just to have that contact with people again, and youll start to get back into the swing of things with social life and all that jazz.
Sometimes we all just need some time on our own.
im always here if you ever wanna talk, just give me a shout love <3
*hugs* i think i understand where your at. i have spent most of my life there. wanting so desperately to talk to someone, but not having the courage to do so. i know me i just had to do it. i had to go up to a stranger and say hi. i had to stop pretending that i was involved in the conversations around me and actually participate. it can be really scary, i know. but i always felt better afterward. maybe you could go to the chat rooms and talk to people there.
come and join me. then world domination.
mmmwuhahahahahahaha.
i like to commit raoh's (random acts of hugging)
HazardxToxMyselfx3 = sister
hahaugotpunked87 = fairy-god half step sister
Katiebean = pet moose
morbida = third cousin once removed