I want to tell you & I want you to understand that believing you is such a huge deal to me. You're naturally a flirtatious person, it's who you are and I love you completely, but I can see it in your eyes when I catch you looking and I feel it in my heart that you only want me. Silly old manky me. And for someone who's been cheated on and lied to so many times, that's a really big deal, I hope you understand that it's a bit scary also. But for the first time in my life, I just think 'fuck it, this is who I am' and going with it, and to be honest, it feels great.
Don't let me down now, poppet. Not when I'm getting ready to fly.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
It's inconvenient that you engaged in ALL of the dying. Firstly because I would like to have met you. And more importantly because she needs someone to moan to and to tell her she deserves better when I'm being a dick. She needs someone constant who she knows will never leave her and will always take her side.
I bet if you were here you'd be ALL the protective and tell me to look after her and be good to her. I'll try, I promise. I want to look after her and provide for her and be her support. I'll do the best I can.
WARNING: THIS IS SO RIDICULOUSLY IRONIC AND BPD I MAY WELL DIE.
I complained ALL the days, but now I miss you Y. Thank you for being so lovely in your texts the past few days. I really needed you and you were there. Look after yourself, please, you deserve ALL the happy endings.
You never really cared about me. You are part of the reason why I feel like this and you don’t understand. You don’t understand how I feel and when I told you I had these horrible thoughts of hurting myself you didn’t do anything, you didn’t care and you never did. You say you always try to protect people and their feelings that you only want good for them but you are such a F***ing liar! All you care about is yourself! You mess with people and hang them out to dry. You said you were hurt once and your heart broke well this is no better than what happened to you. You called me weak for wanting help. You said I didn’t need anyone because you were there to listen to me and then you left because you said that I would be betraying you if I told someone and that you would never talk to me again. That is not someone who cares. That is someone who is trying to protect themselves not others. You were worried about what people would say about you. The questions you would get. You didn’t worry about what would happen to me if I kept this secret inside for this long. You said you were going to just let it go and forget well guess what? I DIDN’T FORGET AND I DIDN’T LET IT GO! Now, I have issues. Now I SH. Now I lost myself. I cry all the time. I have no motivation. I’m trying to gather my pieces and that’s because you were so damn worried about me breaking you that you missed the fact that you were the one who broke me. I miss you all the time. Every single day. Every second. I think about you all the time. I panic when I go for a walk because I am scared I am going to run into you. I don’t want to miss you anymore. I want you gone because what you have done to me and what you’re doing to me is something I don’t deserve. I’m going to be the stronger person. I’m forgiving you for this and I hope you figure out one day that what you’re doing to people is not right. But I want to move on. I want to leave and learn from the mistakes I have made. I’m struggling and it sucks because I’m so dependent on others. I lost my hope. I lost my friends. I lost my faith. But good thing is… because you’re gone… I’m now learning that you mean nothing to me and you aren’t nearly as important as my friends, my faith or the hope I have always had. I miss you but I don’t want to miss you anymore! I love you but I don’t want to love you anymore!! I cry and hide inside but I’m coming out of myself now. I’m being strong and I’m getting help because what you told me to do was pure crap! You NEVER cared and you NEVER will and that… really.. really.. hurt… it STILL HURTS! I just want to move on.. and I can’t..
I feel really fragile today. I'm not sure I can make myself take her to the vets. But I have to. I want to sort out the biopsy now but I will wait for the blood results to reduce the stress on you. But then, whether the markers are there or not, I want her to have the biopsy. Just in case.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
I'm glad u r moving on and finding happiness. The selfish part of me wishes that u missed me though. Just for the record, I'm a mess and struggling every day. It hurts, such a physical hurt inside. I'm not ok.
i fucking hate myself, i dont see the point in even trying to like myself. and i know nobody else likes me, but i dont want to accept it,
cant something go right for once PLEASE?!
After everything, even with the knowledge that you wouldn't care if I died, I still miss you and I don't know why. Maybe I miss what you should have been, full of sadness for everything we should have had from when I was little, I don't know. I bet you don't ever think of me. I'm only your daughter, why would you?
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.