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Old 20-06-2019, 02:19 AM   #361
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With respect, these are all choices you are choosing to make. You are choosing not to take your meds. You are choosing to cancel your support. You do have the right to make those choices, but they come with consequences.

With regards to HTT saying you're doing well, you might ask them what they look for in terms of progress. They might see it as you are accepting their visits, and you are staying out of hospital as doing well. Where your definition of well might be different. It's my understanding that you wouldn't even be under HTT if things were going "well" so to speak. That they are more of a short term crisis option. So they obviously recognise things are hard for you right now, or you wouldn't be offered this level of support.

That said, if you don't like how things are going and feel isolated and like you don't have support, maybe consider what other options you have with regards to that and what you could do differently. It sounds like you've been given quite a lot of support (HTT, support workers) and are choosing not to take advantage of it and not engage by cancelling your support workers and not ask questions of HTT if you do not agree with things they've said. Again, that is your choice. But there is a very clear contradiction when you post about feeling alone but then simultaneously say you've cancelled your support.

Are you wanting a different type of support? If so, maybe communicate that to your providers.

Feelings aren't facts, and you might also want to work on finding ways to challenge some of those feelings and thoughts.


Last edited by Auror. : 20-06-2019 at 02:33 AM.


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Old 20-06-2019, 05:18 AM   #362
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Do you know why you don't want to take your medication?







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Old 20-06-2019, 12:45 PM   #363
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I'm isolating myself because that's a habit and my instinct when I'm feeling like this. Yes it sounds like a contradiction I know but some people who have been through similar to me will understand it. I want support but I can't face seeing people. And i'm so low i'm past the point of caring. In terms of the HTT I discussed with someone yesterday about the person who keeps making remarks that I'm "doing well" and they told me that that won't influence a decision as everyone assesses and works differently and she understood why those comments were making me feel worse.

Because I can't get to a pharmacy to collect them (my support workers would normally do that with me or for me) and because I feel like they're not working so what's the point.

I have my care co coming today so hoping that goes well and hopefully she'll be understanding like she usually is. I just don't know where to go from here. I couldn't feel any worse.

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Old 20-06-2019, 07:57 PM   #364
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If you're aware that these are patterns of behavior for you, are they patterns you do not like? If so, what choices can you make to do things differently?

Are HTT and your CC aware you don't have meds and haven't been able to take them?

I understand feeling low, and I get struggling. But there are still a lot of choices you can make in how things go for you. It just depends on whether you want things to change or not, and whether or not you're willing to try to do things a bit different, even if it is difficult.



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Old 20-06-2019, 09:06 PM   #365
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I don't know.

Well I've ditched the HTT because they were useless and making me feel worse. My care co is aware though but she's not back in until Tuesday.

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Old 20-06-2019, 11:15 PM   #366
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Got a meeting tomorrow with HTT as they've been talking to mum about a planned admission and I'm terrified

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Old 21-06-2019, 01:48 AM   #367
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It sounds like HTT understand that you need support and what they offered wasn't working for you. It makes sense that when combined with the self harm and you not taking your meds and cancelling your support workers, they would want to try to find out what other options exist at the moment for you to get support.

I hope the meeting goes well.



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Old 21-06-2019, 06:24 AM   #368
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Thank you. I'm just so scared of going back into hospital.

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Old 22-06-2019, 04:20 PM   #369
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So fed up and don't know how to cope or what to do with myself

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Old 22-06-2019, 05:21 PM   #370
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I'm sorry you're so low. What scares you of the hospital? I wonder if you can discuss an alternative? Is there a crisis house where you are?

Either way, I really hope the meeting goes well!







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Old 22-06-2019, 05:33 PM   #371
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Thank you for your response and kind words. The alternative is that home treatment are monitoring me over the next few days and seeing how I get on. But today was such a rushed visit it was pretty much pointless. We've also talked about a planned admission.

There's no crisis house unfortunately near to me. I wish there was but it's either I stay out of hospital with very little help or go into hospital and that seems to be all the options there are.

I don't know how to keep going or to keep safe.

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Old 22-06-2019, 05:37 PM   #372
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I'm glad they are keeping in touch with you regularly - Are you able to call them when you feel unsafe or is that too much?

Do you understand the team and your Mums concerns?

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Old 22-06-2019, 05:46 PM   #373
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I'm not sure if I feel able to ring them. I always worry who's going to answer the phone and I worry what response I get. I get the feeling they still think I'm doing better than I am.

I understand the concerns. Part of me feels like I need some respite and depending on which hospital I could go in I might get that. So part of me wants to go in but part of me is too scared to tell them I need to go in.

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Old 22-06-2019, 05:48 PM   #374
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I understand that it's a bit of pot luck with the phone calls sometimes, however, it is better than being unsafe all alone. If you knew you'd get someone 'good' on the phone, what would you like to say?

Could you write down pretty much exactly what you've just said there when you next see them? That the rest would be good?







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Old 22-06-2019, 05:51 PM   #375
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Just that I don't feel like I can keep myself safe and I don't know what to do.

Maybe. I'm just not sure if there's any point in an admission to hospital as I think it's likely that it would be short.

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Old 22-06-2019, 05:57 PM   #376
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Do you feel able to call and say just that? If you don't get anything great from them you can always say "I'm sorry, I didn't find that very helpful." and call someone else like a charity support or if you're in the UK you can text the 'SHOUT' service?
The thing is if you don't call and say how you feel, they will perhaps assume things are getting better? I had this exact thing happen to me the other day and then I rang them this morning and some things were put in place for me, so sometimes it does help to reach out as difficult as it is.

As for the addmision sometimes a short one is better than a long one. Could you possibly write a pro's and con's list of going in and not?
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Old 22-06-2019, 06:06 PM   #377
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Thank you I will try to say that. I just fear being made to feel worse. Thanks for recommending to me the SHOUT service my only concern is I'm not sure if it's confidential or not.

Yeah I see what you mean I just am not sure what they could do for me in a short admission. It won't give them time to sort meds out etc or therapy and stuff. I'm just not sure there's any point and it just feels really scary. I've not been in hospital since about a year ago. I don't want to go backwards. But then again I think I already have gone backwards.

When I'm in hospital I get paranoid that the staff are gonna hurt me.

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Old 22-06-2019, 06:28 PM   #378
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See if you can give them a call and maybe let us know how it goes? We can always support you if it goes terribly wrong! The SHOUT service is confidential as far as I'm aware.

During a short admission, they could help you work out some strategies to stay safer at home, put some things in place for you like referrals etc It does feel terrifying I know, it's almost like going into school for the first time! But you'll meet people, sometimes peer support is more helpful in other ways than professional support. As for the staff hurting you, I get that too, but they are there to help you, they are all DBS checked and trained. Also if you mention to them you are worried they will hurt you they can then also reassure you and put some action plans into place to help you feel safer.

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Old 22-06-2019, 06:31 PM   #379
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Thanks so much for your support. I really do appreciate it.

Yes I guess so.

My mum is coming over later so maybe it's something we should discuss.

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Old 22-06-2019, 06:32 PM   #380
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That sounds like a brilliant idea.

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