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Old 08-11-2018, 03:14 PM   #1
amy_
 
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Contains sexual abuse - I dont understand why this is happening

I really dont understand after being almost a year im getting flash backs again. I would normally fight them but this time the feeling of someones hands rubbing my leg and grabbing my breasts i feel like im just letting it happen like it did on the bus i eventually gave up fight and let him touch me.i dont understand why im not fights. My mind is compining a few flashbacks making it worse . My boobs being grabbed and leg and thigh rubbed for an entire year on a bus i know what happened really but my flash back makes is worse i feel all of the things that really happened then it changes to him grabbing my boob coking me and fingering me on the bus i can smell and feel him touching my body but i know he not here yet im letting it happen i feel my body just waiting for it to end. I dont get why my flash back are getting worse each time i have them. Like i should feel like the guy on the bus is raping me and coking me from behind even though he never did that and it was my first bf who would. Im sorry if this dont make sense

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Old 08-11-2018, 03:22 PM   #2
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I also feel like what i consider abuse or rape others dont .i feel like what happened to me isnt as bad as what happend to others and i shouldnt feel like im worth anything . Like im not worth a voice . My own mom said because i was dating my ex and we had a sexual relationship it wasnt rape

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Old 09-11-2018, 08:52 PM   #3
Pi.R^2
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Hey, I think you're being really hard on yourself. Yes, in any circumstance it's possible to think of someone who has it worse but that doesn't mean that what happened to you was OK or that you don't deserve to be supported. Whether or not there was consent in the past, if you didn't consent this time it was rape. I'm sorry that your mum was so dismissive and unhelpful. Is there anyone else in your life who you can talk to about this?

Did you have any professional help at the time of what happened? Either way, it could be worth trying to see someone about this if you can.



We’ll find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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