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Old 18-07-2018, 08:03 AM   #1
HildaOgden
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
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can't stop binging

things are not going well for me
I've been binging a lot (I don't purge) and am rapidly putting on a lot of weight
I was morbidly obese anyway.. I'm just getting even fatter
This is really distressing me
I was talking to a friend and she said, did I think that the binging was a form of self harm

I hadn't really thought of that.
In August it'll be a year since I last cut/burned

I don't know what to think

This binging is making me even more suicidal than I already am
I'm sorry I'm not thinking clearly and not sure if I'm making any sense

I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to make me stop binging

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Old 20-07-2018, 01:11 PM   #2
HildaOgden
 
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Thanks for the link
I went to SW 2013-2016 and lost the equivalent of a small adult (don't think I can say weights/sizes of clothes) but became very unwell again in 2016 and put on a lot of the weight I lost quite rapidly.
I've been to SW on and off since 2017 but I can't get back into it. I've tried different groups to see if a change of consultant would help but nothing has helped. I just don't feel mentally able to follow the plan.
I struggle to cook and I don't like the SW ready meals from Iceland.

I had 6 months of ED counselling about 5 years ago and it didn't really help

When I struggle mentally my eating gets really bad.
I find it desperately upsetting that I lost all that weight and was in a healthy BMI range and now I@m morbidly obese again

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Old 20-07-2018, 11:15 PM   #3
HildaOgden
 
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thank you so much for replying.

I think part of the problem is that I'm on a lot of medication and I've just had a meds increase and I think this makes me hungry and crave food. I really struggle with lack of motivation to do anything really. I'm not sure if this comes from low mood or is a side effect of meds. It's probably both tbh.

I need to try and distract myself. Tonight I have brought myself to bed early and I'm going to try and have a decent nights sleep.

My sleep has been a problem for a long time. When it gets bad and I'm awake in the night I will eat then too. Bad habit to get into. And a hard habit to break.

I will speak to my CPN when she is back from holiday if things are no better. I am seeing my GP in a couple of weeks so I will mention it then too.

I just want to stop stuffing myself with food as a way of trying to comfort myself. It's always unhealthy foods as well.

I'd like to get back into cooking but I just can't bring myself to shop.cook etc..

thanks so much for your htoughts

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Old 21-07-2018, 09:13 PM   #4
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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I can't offer much in the way of advice at the moment, however one thing I do know helps me when I'm in binge mode, is stock up on quick, easy 'safer' binge foods, like having lots of cucumber, tomatoes and other easy to snack on foods that have a lower calorie and fat content. So I'm not as tempted to think sod it and binge on foods that are worse for my health.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

[''There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'You don't always move the way you'd like to, but don't let the ground drag you around
And these old wings, they've been a long time, been a long time coming, these old wings.'


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Old 22-07-2018, 12:23 AM   #5
HildaOgden
 
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thanks Jelly and buttons.

Have managed not to binge now for two days. Just haven't had the food in the house to binge on.
On Monday I will go to the shops and get some healthy snack food to have in. Good idea Buttons - thank you!

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Old 22-07-2018, 09:20 AM   #6
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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Yup so long as we keep trying we'll get there :) And important thing to remember is you are not alone, lots of people struggle with these issues, whether they admit it or not.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

[''There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'You don't always move the way you'd like to, but don't let the ground drag you around
And these old wings, they've been a long time, been a long time coming, these old wings.'


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Old 22-07-2018, 06:47 PM   #7
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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^ I'll take that as a compliment :)



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

[''There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'You don't always move the way you'd like to, but don't let the ground drag you around
And these old wings, they've been a long time, been a long time coming, these old wings.'


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Old 26-07-2018, 11:46 PM   #8
HildaOgden
 
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things aren't going well
despite buying healthy foods to go to I have found myself turning to unhealthy binge foods
I went to the gym last night and afterwards I called in at Tescos and bought a load of unhealthy food impulsively (I told myself I was going for milk but I was kidding myself) which I binged on when I got home.

I am not sure how to convey to my gp/cpn just how desperate this situation is making me.
I feel suicidal at times because I can see no way out and I hate myself so much for being so weak emotionally and so grotesque physically

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Old 27-07-2018, 08:31 AM   #9
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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You are not weak or grotesque, you are struggling, and in whatever way that happens to a lot of us and doesn't mean we're bad, just struggling. I'm sorry your gp/cpn don't seem to understand how distressing this is for you. I can't offer any more advice than in the first place but I can reassure you that no matter what you are struggling with be it food, sh or whatever you are a worthwhile person and no one should be punished for having a hard time.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

[''There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'You don't always move the way you'd like to, but don't let the ground drag you around
And these old wings, they've been a long time, been a long time coming, these old wings.'


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Old 27-07-2018, 10:50 PM   #10
HildaOgden
 
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thanks Buttons

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Old 30-07-2018, 10:48 PM   #11
HildaOgden
 
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thanks jelly

I'm just in such a downward spiral at the moment when it comes to my eating
I'm so ashamed
I'm sad
I'm angry
I'm desperate

eating just causes me to hate myself even more than I already do; it's a punishment

I'm losing it

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Old 01-08-2018, 04:13 PM   #12
HildaOgden
 
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I'm trying to distract but it's so hard
my house isn't very big so is hard to avoid the kitchen
seeing gp tomorrow. feels pretty pointless talking to him about what's going on. there's nothing he can do
it's down to me
i just need some will power

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Old 01-08-2018, 10:24 PM   #13
HildaOgden
 
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sorry you're also not having a good week
the only happy thing i can think of today is cuddling my dog
I've come to bed early
I'm hoping I sleep better tonight so I don't keep waking up in the night and eat

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