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Old 28-10-2018, 02:02 PM   #1
LizzieTheRose
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Contains abuse - I Don't Know

For a few months now, I have been trying to sort out whether or not, my mother is actually abusive towards me. After so long and after my friends constantly telling me that she is in fact abusive, I still can't settle on a definitive answer.

When I was younger, before my hospitalization for my suicide attempt, I did claim that she was abusive towards me. Afterwards, my friends back then had told me that my mother got on my IM accounts while I was in the hospital and told them she was not like that. They believed her and told me she wasn't. So I stopped claiming that she was abusive.

Years later, I vent to my friends now about things my mother does to me and they bring up the possibility of her being abusive. They will outright call her an abuser despite how many times I claim she isn't, how much I defend her and her actions.

So notable examples to things she's done that my friends claim is abusive are...

The fact my mother has nothing positive to say about or towards me ever. 90% of what she has to say to me is complaints about my actions/inactions or just speaking negatively in general.
She doesn't seem very eager to help me with problems I need her help with (getting back into therapy, seeing doctors about health issues, etc.), but will be livid if I refuse to assist her with her problems.
My mother has threatened to get rid of my cats which are essentially my emotional support animal.
My mother sent me her friend's dick picture without my consent because they thought it was "funny". I did not think it was funny.

I'm writing out these examples my friends tell me make her an abuser and I still want to argue against it. I want to claim that it's the fact I never do anything that makes her angry with me. I want to claim it's the fact she has her own anxiety, depression, suicidal tendencies, abuse, and more to deal with which is why she can't help me with my issues. I want to just claim that it's my fault. She's not an abuser. I'm just a bad person.

I don't even know why I'm writing any of this... I don't know... I just... I don't know... I'm sorry...



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Old 28-10-2018, 09:11 PM   #2
Pi.R^2
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Hey, this sounds really confusing for you. I can definitely see why your friends are describing it as abusive. I wonder if at the moment it's too tricky for you to have it called that and it might be more helpful to reframe it for now as "my mother isn't a supportive influence in my life". Because it sounds like she's not a helpful person for you to be around and you could focus on that and aim to distance yourself from her without having to go too much into assigning blame for why your relationship isn't working out. I don't know if that makes sense.

Do you live with your mum/have much contact with her?



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It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 28-10-2018, 11:32 PM   #3
LizzieTheRose
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I live with her. I do not have a job, so I cannot move out despite expressing the desire to. (My friend also thinks she purposely sabotages my attempts to get a job, but again, I'd argue, "She does try to help me though.")



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Old 01-11-2018, 10:17 PM   #4
Pi.R^2
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In what way does your friend feel that your mother sabotages your attempts to get a job?



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It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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