Bought blades.

[Meganrose]

I haven't self harmed in about a week and a half now, (I've been SHing for 11 years, a week and a half isn't much, but atm its an issue) and I've also basically thrown out everything I could use except what I need, which are too dirty for SHing. (hope this isn't too vague, just trying not to be too specific).

I just feel desperate without the option to. I wish I'd kept my last 'blade', as at least it wasn't too sharp and it wouldn't be too bad.

But in trying to be good, I've left myself open, and I've just bought harsh blades off the internet. I felt instantly bad, and haven't even opened the envelope, I stashed it away. But it's all I can think about. I know it's not as simple as chucking them.

I dunno what I want from this thread really, I've just set myself up to fail really.

[shygirl]

You did good by making the effort to stop. I can't give you much advice, but I think the fact that you made an effort is commendable.

[red_ry]

They're just blades. Sitting there in their packaging they're not hurting you. It wasn't the lack of blades that's kept you safe, but willpower.

I would also advise against keeping track of when you last hurt yourself. Sometime the pressure to make it to a major milestone can crack us.

[Meganrose]

Thankyou, alot :) Definitely words like that, do help, and few words do. I really appreciate it.

I don't count the days, but I can judge the healing timescale by the cuts/scars. It's hardest during the healing... Probably cause times hard to judge once scars are scars.

[red_ry]

Is there anything in particular that is going on that is making you feel this way?

[Meganrose]

Nothing, at all. I've had such a good few days.

All I know is that I've felt so normal for so long, like a week, and I was aware I was going to go either up or down, I just didn't think it would be so sudden, and so extreme.

[red_ry]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meganrose

Nothing, at all. I've had such a good few days.

All I know is that I've felt so normal for so long, like a week, and I was aware I was going to go either up or down, I just didn't think it would be so sudden, and so extreme.

Are you safe right now?

[Meganrose]

Yeah, I'm safe.

[red_ry]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meganrose

Yeah, I'm safe.

Do you have any idea of how you can stay that way?

[Krayon]

i remember doing the same thing with tablets i ordered online. i was in a wrong place at the time i ordered them but when they arrived i was in a good place and it put me in a bad place trying to hide them.
I know how hard it is trying to deal with getting rid of them and hopefully even you can get rid of them even a few at a time.

[red_ry]

How are you doing?