Possibly Triggering - A new day... another start

[lozza]

Last night was really horrible for me. I was very suicidal and even after taking my PRN I still couldnt calm myself down and get off to sleep..

And this morning I am still not feeling that great..
BUT
I recieved a very good email from a close friend who gave me so much to think about and who clearly stated that if I was to die then she would be forever wondering what she could have done better... what she said to push me over the edge... that she would have felt me killing myself was all her fault...

and I guess that really hit home because it wasn't fake what she was saying, it was said with so much love and care that I think she meant every word... she also kept asking why, when something bad happened... I always thought of suicde... even after how much I have overcome and made it through over the years!!

I think this is a really good place to start.. to think about that and maybe try some of the things she suggested when ella and suicide gets really loud and overwhelming in my head...

so....

this is to a brand new day and to start things over again... I know that things may not always be peachey perfect... but I can see how many people I have surrounding me who will always be there to help out and hold me tight when I feel like breaking and giving up.

Thanks everyone

[Revival]

Hey Loz,
It's fantastic that you've got a more positive attitude, I've got a lot of faith in you that you can do this, and I'm proud of you :) *cuddles* Only a pm away xxx

[Katiee]

Awww :'] that's awesomeeee. (: xo.

[Tuesday]

*hugs* Glad things are starting to move in a more positive direction for you :)

Im glad your feeling positive, keep it up xxxx

[finding.my.wings]

awww, hugs.
sorry i haven't been there so much for you.
im impressed with your decision, and hope that you succed in it.
im here if you wanna chat or whatever.

[one_step_closer]

Take care.

[lozza]

Thanks everyone. Since I posted this I've kinda slipped a bit, but I am still trying to hang in there as best I can.

Thanks for all your support and encouragment, you guys rock!!!

[lozstar88]

hunni you know how proud I am of you...you are my twin and keep me going. I love you so much. you are such a strong beautiful person and have overcome so much.

You have your whole beautiful life before you, this is only the beginning, hang in there, it will be worth it.

Thinking of you always, your twin forever, Loz

[LilMissVix]

Aw, I hope that you find every day to be a new start.

[lozza]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilMissVix

Aw, I hope that you find every day to be a new start.

thanks hun.

Today was very, very hard. Saw my counsellor and then my pdoc. Ella is so loud right now, screaming in my ears, telling me how stupid and pathetic I am for showing the dreaded letter I wrote to both my counsellor and pdoc

but I am trying to fight this. Keep thinking of the positives that came out of today... like my counsellor and pdoc knowing exactly where I am currently, one of my meds being uped which will hopefully help too... and yeh...

Sometimes life is a really hard thing to keep living day after day... but all of us have made it this far so it would only be a waste to throw everything away....

hang in there everyone, hope your all doing ok... we will get through this somehow, some day.

[the_monster_abyss]

take care hun you can overcome this!

[lozza]

well today I did something really big... and something I am kind of proud of and thinking about it led me back to this post which put a massive smile on may face:)

this morning before I went off to work... I poured all the alcohol I had left down the drain... in a way I feel really good because I dont know how to explain it but it was just a really good feeling... like I was finally choosing and getting somewhere in life...

Alcohol has become a coping strategy like cutting has been for me. But now it has been a little over 3 months since I last cut and now I have gotten rid of the alcohol.... so maybe this really is a new start for me?

not sure....

[Popple]

Well done!
You can do this sweetie!
Take care
x

[Gone.]

Keep going, you are doing amazingly well :)