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Old 12-06-2007, 05:38 PM   #1
IceBreak
 
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Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Why does this keep happenin???

Well ok here is my story:-

I grew up in a perfectly normal family, well everyone thought it was but wot they didnt know was that my dad was controlling me in everything I sad and did. He never touched me or anything but I always lived in fear that he would.Well when I was bout 8/9 I would play with the boy who lived next door and one day he tried to make me do things. That was basically the start of the patterns that would reoccur. Because I didnt do wot he said and managed to run way he waged a campaign against me and actually managed to get me blamed by my dad severely for vandalism and things.

Well after that, I just started becoming alone as I didnt know wot people were gonna think of me and things but then this guy in school used me to do somethin else against my will which made me really disgusted with myself and by this time I had absolutely noone to turn to anymore.

Things did become better for a while but then bout 2 years ago I went out to a club with my friend and that was when I saw my team leader there. Because my friend kept making fun of me cos I was so damn scared to go near guys I decided to go over and start talkin to him but wot happened next I really didnt want to happen. I ended up leaving with him only to find that I had left all my money inside with my friend so I had no way out so I had to walk with him and that was when he turned on me and started making me do stuff which made me sick within myself although I did get away before he actually did have sex with me but it did go really far before that. Well that tipped me over the edge and that was why i restarted self harming.

Well I thought it would never happen again but I actually met one of my friends and I thought I was safe but then he tried to get me to have sex with him and I literally just ran away i was sooo scared. Well I forgave him but then we went to the cinema together and he tried to get me to do the same things. Again I forgave him but now I dont know whether to trust him or not.

Well when I was out with my friends on sunday night this guy started dancing with me and I tried to get away but I just couldnt not untill he made me kiss him and touch him as well during this I was tryin to plead for help when he wasnt lookin to my friends but they were just all laughing at me and well I just gave up. Nothin happened cos at the first chance I got I ran again.

This has just left me wondering whether I bring it all on myself or whether I should just let them have wot they want cos maybe that wont make it as bad. But everytime it happens I just get weaker and now im totally afraid of any type of contact when its with a guy and I know that isnt normal.

Well that is my whole story and yeah its the first time it has been told in full.

Ann xx

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Old 12-06-2007, 07:36 PM   #2
helper1218
 
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No one ever causes that sweetheart, it's not your fault. It's really brave of you to get that all out like this. Lots of other people have asked the question of why things keep happening to them and "what" is wrong with them. There's nothing wrong with you, it's just that perverts who hurt women and children like that have a sick ability to pick up on who is fearful, has low self-esteem, etc. Maybe you should try to get some therapy to be more comfortable with this and be more confident in yourself. You don't need to be going out with guys until you're comfortable, and don't let anyone tell you there's something wrong with that. *hugs* Good luck honey.

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Old 12-06-2007, 09:24 PM   #3
ghosts in the machine
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I know what you mean about wondering if you bring it on yourself - all I can say is that it's definitely NOT your fault, or caused by anything you do. His actions = his fault.

And the being scared of contact with guys I can understand; after all, we learn from experience, and so far experience has taught you that guys only want one thing and it starts off with contact. It's a perfectly normal reaction to your situation.

With this guy, I think you should definitely re-think going near him again. Doesn't matter what he says, if you're not comfortable then don't forgive him, don't go anywhere with him on your own.

I know I'm a huge hypocrite for saying this (being in a slightly similar situation) but don't think that you should just "give them what they want because maybe it won't make it so bad". It does make it bad: more pressure for repeat performances (you've done it before, why not now?), and he might just want to hurt you, in which case doing whatever he wants will give him oppurtunity to hurt you even more. Also it does nothing for your self-esteem.

Listen to Tracie (helper1218), as she's very wise about these things. Is therapy an option? It might help you understand more about your feelings over these incidents.


Anyway, I'm sorry I don't really have much in the way of helpful advice, just that I can relate to what you're saying, and if you ever want a sympathetic ear or a shoulder to cry on then PM me.

Take care sweetie
xxx



For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen

For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other

~ We're marching on... ~


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Old 12-06-2007, 09:50 PM   #4
IceBreak
 
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Thanx guys I appreciate wot u say.

Therapy....well I did go to c a psychiatrist for a long time but he just kinda gave up on me cos I just wasnt able to say anythin at all about anythin. He told me I was one of the hardest people he has ever had to work with because I continued to refuse to talk even though I really wanted to there was jsut like a brick wall there and I couldnt get past it. Maybe it was because it was a guy and I didnt feel comfortable talkin to him bout it but then I dont feel confident talkin to anyone bout anythin cos at the end of the day its not their problem so now I just dont talk to anybody cos nobody actually cares. There is one person I can talk to but I cant even talk to her bout this stuff cos its just sooo stupid. I think I can only talk on here now.

Thanx again
Ann xx

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Old 13-06-2007, 01:18 AM   #5
ghosts in the machine
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Well, we care, for sure :)

If you saw another therapist, would it be easier if you wrote everything down for someone to read than saying it out loud?
It can take a few goes to find the right cousellor for you.. you need to find someone you're comfortable with talking to.

Take care
xxx



For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen

For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other

~ We're marching on... ~


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Old 13-06-2007, 08:02 PM   #6
FallingStar
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^^Yep. I found it very hard to talk to the first conseller I had but my new one helps allot.

Sorry things have been so bad. *hugs*





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Old 13-06-2007, 09:13 PM   #7
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I think your brave and strong for refusing them what they wanted!!
Dont give in to people like that!! You will feel even worse about yourself!! And its not you fault in anyway! Never blame yourself!! They are the ones to blame, they are the sick ones!
I agree with the others above see a therapist or counsilor and work on your confidence!
Good luck with everthing, keep safe!
xxxxxx

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Old 13-06-2007, 10:46 PM   #8
IceBreak
 
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I have tried wiritng things down in the past but when it comes to actually letting people read it I tend to freak out cos mostly I think itll make look like a complete idiot or theyll start questionin me about it and think none of it is true sorta thing. I wish I could just get past it but it seems I cant, well not right now. It doesnt help when my mum is isolating me further cos she has a new bf. That in itself is another story which isnt really suited to this part of the forums meh. oh well. Take care and thanks to all those who replied.

Cheers
Ann xx


Last edited by IceBreak : 13-06-2007 at 11:10 PM.
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Old 13-06-2007, 11:25 PM   #9
D-liscious
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Ann,
I’m so glad you felt able to share that, I feel like now I understand where you are coming from so much better.

I’m so proud of you for getting away from these men, you are so brave I know it doesn’t feel like it but your braver than me, As I have shared with you before there have been men in my past who I have allowed to just use me.

You are so important to me and I luv you, so so so much! I know its not something you do, Men keep their brains in their trousers and are ruled and easily controlled by them. For some of them also there is a historical throwback that they are more powerful than women and we should do as they say - this is no longer the case. And you have the rite and the strength to say NO! if its not what you want!

Hunni, take care, I’m always here for you, I know it feels wrong but trust me you have done the right thing, and your so strong, and so important, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise especially your demons, cos they like to use that to pull you down and your dong so well at the moment!

* big hugs*

Debbie



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