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Old 23-12-2018, 07:31 PM   #81
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I don't know. I guess my family care deep down. Even though they rarely visit me anymore. The support workers might care. I'm certain no one else does though.

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Old 23-12-2018, 08:06 PM   #82
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What does people caring look like to you? I know that people often show they care in multiple different ways, and sometimes if the way another person shows they care is different than the way you show you care, it can sometimes be hard to notice. It's a bit similar to the languages of love, if you've ever heard about that? You can look those up if you were interested. They basically work not just in relationships, but in friendships and a lot of other types of communication.

But I guess my thoughts were just, you might want to think about that because it could be useful when communicating to your support workers, treatment providers, and family that it is important to you to feel like you are cared about, and be able to explain what that looks like to you.



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Old 23-12-2018, 08:11 PM   #83
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I guess just making an effort would be being caring and not being abandoning people. I'm so sick of fighting. In regards to services they should want to help people but they don't. I don't understand this world. Why can't people just be kind to one another especially those who are struggling.

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Old 23-12-2018, 08:14 PM   #84
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Can you be more specific about what that might look like though? What types of things would make you feel like they cared? That's pretty vague. Where if you can go in and say, I need xyz because connection is a really important value to me, and I am not currently getting that. It is important to me that to feel that my providers care about me, and they could help show that by doing xyz things. Or they could help me build connections by doing xyz.

Maybe if you could come up with some specific things, not only could that help them understand you a bit better and show that they care in ways more meaningful to you, but maybe you could also then be able to recognize it a bit better.

Just thoughts you can take or leave. It just seems like connection to others is something that's really important to you. But if you're not aware of what that looks like from others or how to recognise it, that's gonna be difficult to get validated.



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Old 23-12-2018, 08:17 PM   #85
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Okay well I guess some examples would be...Services actually taking the time to listen to me, having empathy, giving advice or coming up with options, seeing me regularly rather than just leaving me, taking me seriously and just having understanding.

My parents could show they care more by visiting me more often.

Other people like "friends" if I even have any left could occasionally send a text or phone me rather than me being the one to constantly make an effort or just otherwise lose contact altogether.

That's the only way I can explain it really.

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Old 23-12-2018, 08:23 PM   #86
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So those all sound like good things to say to providers when you go to your appointment. You might also want to think about what kinds of reactions or things they can say to you to show that they understand and have empathy. Again, the more information you can give them that is specific, the better they can tailor things to your needs.

Showing empathy and understanding can be done in a number of ways. So if you think about what ways it is more meaningful to you or easier for you to recognise, again, good information to communicate to them.

I'm not saying you need to list things here necessarily. Just, the more specific you can be to them when you go to appointments that this is important, and here is how they can do that for you, the better they can do it. If they think they are being validating and empathetic, but they're not ways you recognize or identify with, then they need to know that to change styles.



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Old 23-12-2018, 08:26 PM   #87
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I just feel like it's obvious that people don't care and are just leaving me to rot. I shouldn't have to ask someone to care. If they're genuine and want to do their jobs properly or be good friends to me etc. It doesn't take much really. I haven't got the energy to keep fighting to be heard etc.

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Old 23-12-2018, 08:36 PM   #88
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I'm not in your country. But it's my understanding that since you moved, you've had to get set up with new care providers and a new treatment team. That can take quite some time to sort, which obviously is frustrating and isn't necessarily okay, but it is what it is. Even then from there it takes time to learn different people's styles. If they're communicating to you that they care in ways that you don't recognize, then it's going to be helpful for them to know that. They won't know to change what they are doing or their communication style if you don't tell them. Communication works both ways.

If you shut down on them, then they can't help period. Where if you can keep lines open and let them know what ways of communication best work for you, they can hopefully work with that. It might also mean having to set aside some frustrations with the bureaucracy and waiting part of the situation, and making sure you aren't taking that out on them. Again, not saying it's invalid to be frustrated, because you have every right to be. But if you're holding that against them and using that to say they don't care, when they're likely trying to work with the limitations they have, that's doing both yourself and them a disservice. Services might not be perfect, but a lot of times it's beyond control of the people you're directly working with. They might also be well aware and still care, and want to do the best they can. But if you write them off ahead of time, that helps nobody.

Also, I'm not 100% on job descriptions, but if you are wanting more friends, perhaps that is something your support workers and team can help you work on figuring out, or work on how to build connections, but no treatment provider is meant to be your friend. I think you all have similar to what my case manager person does, which is where they can help you do things out in the community, for example. So maybe a support worker can help you work on coming up with ways to get out and build some connections in your community to get some friends, and even go with you to a place. But they are not your friend, nor is it their job or appropriate to be.

Your feelings are valid. I'm not at all trying to say that they aren't. I'm only saying it sounds like your feelings might not be a factual representation of what's going on, so hopefully you can try to separate your actions from your feelings some.

I hope you can go to your appointment and find out what's going on, and let them know that you're not feeling heard or understood.



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Old 23-12-2018, 08:44 PM   #89
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I know professionals aren't meant to be my friends. But it's their job to care and they don't. That is a fact in my situation. I can't speak for anyone else, only for myself and that is the way it is and because of that I feel abandoned and hugely let down. I know the services aren't amazing and I'm not expecting them to be either. I know they have limitations but certain things there are no excuses for. I think I've been patient enough tbh. The way they've treated me feels very personal towards me. They must hate me. Maybe I deserve to be hated. But I can't think of anything that I've done wrong. I've needed them and they've failed me constantly over the last year and a half. Before that was different and I wish it could go back to that.

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Old 23-12-2018, 08:50 PM   #90
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You sound incredibly invalidated with how you've been treated, and I'm sorry that's been your experience. That does suck.

All I can say is, how does this resentment serve you? Does acting on this resentment and on their failings and assuming that is how it is with every service provider you will encounter serve you positively? Does it help you?

You want help from services, right? It sounds very much like you do. Which, if you do, you may have to set aside some of those feelings and set aside some of that baggage if you want to move forward in a positive direction. Focusing on their failings and what previous teams have done doesn't help you currently. If previous teams have been helpful, or previous services have been helpful, communicate that to what you have now.

I'm stepping away, but I hope you can get what it is you need.



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Old 23-12-2018, 08:54 PM   #91
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I see what you're saying and I will take everything you've said on board. I'm sorry if I didn't make it clear but I was also talking from experience with the new team. I know it's early days but I'm really not happy with them so far and my support workers aren't either so I know it's not just me. I will have to try and work on letting go of the resentment I guess.Thank you for your thoughts.

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Old 30-12-2018, 11:29 AM   #92
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Feeling unsafe.

I've been feeling really unsafe lately. Yesterday I had to go to A&E things got so bad. I'm so scared I'll end up admitted again. I just feel so overwhelmed by everything and unable to cope. The urges are so strong. I'm sorry for posting. Any support would be really appreciated.

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Old 30-12-2018, 11:48 AM   #93
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Hi. Do you know why you're feeling unsafe? Thoughts, feelings?

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Old 30-12-2018, 11:51 AM   #94
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Hi thanks for your reply. I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed with things like moving out of supported housing, my nan being ill, feeling really lonely, feeling unsupported etc. Feeling hopeless about my future. I'm not sure what the point of life is anymore.

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Old 30-12-2018, 12:02 PM   #95
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That is a lot to deal with. I'm glad you posted here and I hope you get better replies than mine.

Can you go easy on yourself? Sometimes when I am thinking of unsafe things it helps to do the opposite- look after myself. Things like moisturising instead of cutting, making myself a hot drink instead of ODing.

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Old 30-12-2018, 12:04 PM   #96
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I really appreciate your replies so thank you. Atm I'm just laying in bed. Don't really feel up to doing anything.

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Old 30-12-2018, 12:15 PM   #97
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I am a big fan of lieing in bed but sometimes it's more helpful to distract. Actually, thinking about it, I do find the combination of bed and an audio book or film helpful.

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Old 30-12-2018, 12:32 PM   #98
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I haven't got any audio books unfortunately. I watch tv and films but struggle to concentrate.

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Old 30-12-2018, 12:56 PM   #99
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That is difficult. Would you feel safe going for a walk? Sometimes doing something physical helps me.


Last edited by tamobhuuta : 30-12-2018 at 12:57 PM. Reason: Add a bit
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Old 30-12-2018, 12:57 PM   #100
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I don't think so no.

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