I'm not really sure how to word this so I may babble a bit.
Everyone experiences anniversaries, some happy and some sad. Sad like the death of a loved one, the date you broke up with someone, a bad event in your life.
2 years ago today I was raped, and it's like.. I don't know how I should feel?
Last year, when it was the "1 year" anniversary, I ended up in a&e and then being in patient for 6 months.
Today, I feel sad, I feel hurt. But it's almost like I'm feeling those things because that's what I think I should feel? I mean surely it's expected for someone to be sad, to find it difficult. It's like on one hand I'm feeling those things, I feel upset and I feel angry, alone, hurting... But at the same time I feel completely numb.
I suppose as well, because last year went so badly, it's strange to be ok? I hoped of course that I'd be alright this year, but at the back of my mind I half expected things to go badly again. Now I'm here and it's almost like "is this it?"
But then I think, well last year I didn't actually hit rock bottom until the 4th, it's only the 2nd.. Maybe something will happen? Maybe I'm just kidding myself that I'm gonna make it through this fine?
Or could I actually be better? Could I actually be this "normal" person now, free of self harm, free from mental health services, could I actually have recovered??
I don't know what I'm trying to say here, I just feel very confused I think.
How do you guy deal with bad/upsetting anniversaries??
Usually the day before an anniversary is worse than the day for me because it builds up in my head. One anniversary I ended up in hosp shortly after but now I try not to keep track of them too much. Sometimes depending on what they are I try and do something nice. Like the anniversary of my miscarriage we let off Chinese lanterns and went to church and lit a candle. That helped a lot.
I tend to try and distract myself, so watch films or my favourite TV show, go out for a walk anything that will take my mind off it, because if I don't do things I end up being swamped by thoughts of the anniversary.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Thanks for the replies :)
High hopes; I've been okay, I suppose it's just a bit of a new thing for me to be "okay" if that makes sense! I had self harmed for 10 years (im 7 months free) and I suppose I've surprised myself in a sense that today, I've been fine. Just after the past 2 years being an absolute roller coaster in such a bad way, to have got through this time and been fine, is odd!
hi. i have problems with anniversaries. i just dont know what to do with myself. today it is one month till the anniversary and i have become anxious about it already. its like im on countdown. cant get it out of my head.
I don't think that there are any rules about how you will or should react. I know that the anniversary of one of my parents' deaths was a fairly big deal- but I didn't remember that day as much as their birthday.
Now it is more of a...they died X years ago thing.
If you know that you would be more vulnerable around this time- like people might be around Christmas/ holidays or birthdays then keep in touch with your health services and maybe stay with someone for support.
I have someone regularly checking in on me- so I cannot really veg out and go off the rails for any length of time. I have some negative anniversaries that I do make my own- victories of a sort for hanging in there.
Maybe you need to celebrate a new day- separate from this horrible event- and don't let it define you or cloud this month.
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
ďItís time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. Itís not working for women, itís not working for men,
itís not working for polar bears.Ē Arianna Huffington 2014