I give up. Tired of being leaned on so much by my friends so hard. Its extremely difficult right now not to do bad things. Emotiona duress plus Voices do not mix well. I have tried writing and when I read what I wrote it looks weird and frightening. I am scared. Music isn't helping cause I turn to heavy metal lol I am resisting as hard as I can for as long as I can... really trying to hold on. *hides in the corner* I don't really have a psych right now which sucks. I do have a pysch who I haven't seen in a year nearby though. No on in my family or friends is helping... I am worried I might get in trouble soon... *cries and sits in the corner and rocks*
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Got to play some smash with a friend today and see another friend as well, so I'm doing ok overall. Awkward conversation last night, though. I had to lie about not self-harming :/
*curls up*
im shakey and out of it and i dont like it =[
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
checking myself in for a while. *curls up in corner*
I have been having a very rough time lately. My depression has been getting worse and worse and I have been feeling extremely suicidal, I am having break downs daily now. I have had the urge to cut again recently as well but I haven't yet. I am worried but I am trying to make it through this. What has made it worse is the fact that I have no one to talk to about it and my family thinks I just need to get a life and that that will make my depression disappear.
“What if I'm so broken I can never do something as
basic as feed myself? Do you realize how twisted
that is? It amazes me sometimes that humans still
exist. We're just animals, after all. And how can an
animal get so removed from nature that it loses the
instinct to keep itself alive?” ♥
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
*hugs RisingFromtheAshes and MakeSomeNoise and RootsbeforeBranches*
Hope that was okay to do
*puts some brownies and cookies on the table*
Doing ok, but not that much better
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Tonight I am just feeling really drained and empty. I had 3 break downs today so it was a pretty horrid day. I am just so tired and fed up. Every time I go to sleep I wake up three hours later and can't get back to sleep (which is kind of normal for me) but it is exhausting when you are going on no sleep and having constant break downs every day for weeks on end. It isn't helping that I have been contemplating suicide more and more as the days go by. I am holding on by a thread these days and it takes all my energy to just make it through the day.
“What if I'm so broken I can never do something as
basic as feed myself? Do you realize how twisted
that is? It amazes me sometimes that humans still
exist. We're just animals, after all. And how can an
animal get so removed from nature that it loses the
instinct to keep itself alive?” ♥
Please don't Saphire, we're all here for you (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Beauty: RIP 3rd November 2008
Dylan left us 23rd March 2012
PM me any time you need to talk and I'll answer as soon as I can.
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future" LOTR
oh no sorry to hear that. Hope the doctors goes ok. Im ok actually today i have managed 8 hours of being normal. I have rang someone for an application and my benefits are sorted til i get a job and my aunty came to visit me. I just dont like nighttime.
