Maybe it's your Guardian Angel trying to tell you to stop? :D Sorry, just a joke. I know how you feel. My scars are all white now and sometimes I have this weird thing going on in my head when I see a nice top or a t-shirt: "I'll buy that when my scars go away." It's not the exact same thing, but it's kinda subconcious (sp?). And then it hits me, that they are NEVER EVER going away. And I'll never ever be able to wear something like that. Unless I turn totally "i don't care how i look" in the next few years. Which is probably not going to happen. So yeah, I feel the same basically.
I know exactly what you mean when I first realised how perminent scars are and it freaked me the hell out and tbh I'm still not fully to terms with it but we'll learn to accept them sooner or later.
This topic has been constantly on my mind. I mean being a teenager it works well for me to wear a sweatband to cover all the scars on my wrist but what will I use when I get older? Am I going to have to switch to only wearing longsleeves?
I suppose I have come to terms with the fact that my scars are never going away, a lot of them are well over 10 years old and have remained exactly the same in that time, after fading to white. Even the quite shallow ones, though I guess they can't have been that shallow! I hate the fact I am still often constantly worrying about other people seeing my scars, and that when I move into a career this might get even worse for me. Of course I didn't think about these things when I was cutting, I didn't care then. There's no escaping the fact that for the majority of the population, the concept of deliberately harming yourself is pretty alien, even with places like RYL and media coverage making it slightly less so these days. I'm not sure what I'm planning on telling my future kids about my scars, I would hate for them to think it's ok and to copy me! I just try and think, my scars are a part of me now, but I don't want to be defined by them for the rest of my life.
I can't imagine not being able to wear a swimsuit ever again, because it would show the scars on my thighs. I can't imagine becoming self-confident enough to be able to show the scars without worrying. When i go on holiday with my kids [well when i have kids] im not going to be able to just wear swim wear at the beach cos they might ask what it is....
Arghh i hate the thought that scars will be there forever.
I know how you feel, luckily my worst scars are on my chest so only me and my boy can see them, but they are going to be there forever.
And some on my stomach, but i rarely get that out in public either!
With demons dancing off mirror images reflecting all that you wanted.
So far from perfect, onward we will strive.
Take it for what it's worth, this truth that you've realized.
You're not who you thought you were, it's time to see the other side of what you have become.
I dont usually think about scars being there forever, but I guess now I do. Today I was sitting next to a friend who Id ont really discuss it with, and I saw her looking down at my arm, my sleeve was rolled up a bit. She was kind of shocked and then realized why i made this weird face when she was grabbing my arm. It made me wonder if my scars would be permanent or if they would fade at least a little. But any even if you still have barely noticable scars about 20yrs, if they dont bother you then you should let other people bother you about it. It really just depends on how you feel when the time comes.
Sorry if it didnt help, but thats just how I see it atleast i tried right? Take care
x Ashley x
A smile is the best way to deal with difficult situations. Even if it's a fake one. Used properly, you can fool anyone with them - Sai
i think the day i realized that my scars weren't going anywhere ever was the day i stopped where long sleeve t-shirts under every t-shirt. the really bad scars aren't going anywhere...but that doesn't mean i have to be ashamed...it didnt scare me...but it definately changed me...for the better though. i no longer worry that someones gonna see my arms or leg or whatever. i'm ok with myself because i know that in 10 years...i'm still gonna have these scars...like it or not.