I need self harm help while pregnant.

[bugg]

Sorry this is going to be long I think.
I am newly pregnant. I am 22 yrs old & I have been self harming for around 11 years. I am trying to stay away from this lifestyle now that I am pregnant. But it is so hard. I’ve had depression my whole life and this is my only coping mechanism. I know I’m not alone. I have a boyfriend who is the dad and my mom and family are so close. But I don’t like bothering them.
I love my boyfriend but I’m afraid our relationship isn’t strong enough to last with a baby. Babies are honestly a really hard thing on a relationship, it takes a strong one to pull through and keep going to raise the baby. Everyone I know breaks up/gets a divorce within a few years. I don’t know why I thought I would be any different. I’m already so emotional and causing fights. And he’s not as supportive as I need him to be. He has depression that acts up occasionally also.
I just feel alone and need to talk. I’m struggling not to turn to the blade again everyday, even reminding myself I have to protect my baby is almost not enough. My doctor would not tolerate self harming having a kid. I need to recover. But it’s so hard. I’m only like 2-3 months clean. I’m so scared.

[nonperson]

Well firstly, congratulations. =) I hope despite your worries you're looking forward to being a mother?

Just because everyone else you know has divorced/broken up after having a baby, it doesn't mean that will happen to you.

My friend recently had a child and her relationship with her husband is sometimes a bit rocky, he also isn't as supportive as he could be and has his own issues that he has to deal with, but what pulls them together is their child. It might change your relationship for the better, you never know. But even if things didn't go well it sounds like you have a good supportive network with your family, I'm sure they would want to help you in any way they could.

If you don't think you could talk to your doctor, what about talking to your midwife about the self harm and depression?

[bugg]

I am extremely happy and excited to have a baby. He is too. We wanted this to happen but we don’t know how ready we are. I thought we were okay before and that I could overcome this. But I think I was wrong. I want to talk to a midwife but I’m so scared they are going to say I’m not fit to be a mother. I’m so afraid of speaking up and having my baby taken away.
I hope my relationship can be pulled together by a baby. I really want this to work. I love my boyfriend. But lately I’ve been super upset about everything and I feel like I’m going to blow it. We’ve been together for over 2 years so I hope we are strong enough.

[nonperson]

It's probably just that this is a big new chapter in your life and you don't know what to expect. I know it's hard but try not to focus on the negatives. A lot of new parents think they are going to be awful at it but you can always ask for help and I'm sure between you it will all work out.

I also don't think you will have your baby taken away. Just because you self harm and have depression doesn't mean you'll harm the baby or not be able to provide the baby with everything he/she needs.

Are there any charities or organisations you could talk to about it anonymously? They might help to answer some questions without talking to your own midwife/doctor.