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Old 23-01-2015, 11:23 PM   #81
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Did they say "you're an asshole looking for attention"? Because again they treated you and wanted to monitor your heart to make sure it returned to normal, if they thought you were looking for attention they wouldn't waste the IV resources on you.

I think it is a GREAT step making another doctors appointment with lady, especially as you ended up in hospital. I'm glad you made the appointment :) any idea what you wish to convey to her?

Super impressed you made it to class. Really well done. Do remember to take it easy on your body and try and eat too as it needs a bit of help now.

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Old 23-01-2015, 11:54 PM   #82
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The paramedics said I just wanted attention, literally said that. Then also said not to call them again, just to drive myself if it happened again. They said whenever they come my vitals are always normal, and the only reason they take me to the medical hospital is because they can't admit me for a psych hold until I get cleared medically. They don't believe I ever actually take anything but they can't take a chance is what they say. Even though the same paramedic who was with me in the ambulance in december works at the hospital and took me up to the medical floor when I was admitted that time, and she was the one in the ambulance the other night. You'd think they would understand I am not lying to them about having taken anything or the amount. I may lie about the reasoning behind it sometimes, but I've never lied about the amount.

I think the one police officer does believe me. He even asked why I phoned the other night, if I only took x and that was the amount I normally take. He said he doesn't want me to keep doing it anymore and that it is not good when he can recognise the address and situation just by getting a call.

I don't know what to tell her. I just thought I should make an appointment. I still think I should have killed myself.

I still don't know why I felt so odd for taking the normal amount. It was weird. My mother is out of town this weekend so won't be taking me out for meals. I'm afraid to drink anything besides tea or coffee because I know the fluids made me gain weight. I have been trying to eat some but I can't deal with my body at this weight. Which is also why I can't be dead yet.



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Old 24-01-2015, 12:10 AM   #83
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I don't even know. I ate and now I'm panicking and probably am going to have to self harm. I'm going to try and do some math (it is literally the only class I can do work in it seems) but I feel very on edge. I took the dog to doggie daycare today but she still wants me to play with her and wants attention. I don't know.



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Old 24-01-2015, 12:39 AM   #84
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You need to eat Carmen, especially after the overdose. Would playing with your dog help you as a distraction?

The ambulance person who said that is a jerk.

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Old 24-01-2015, 12:49 AM   #85
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my mother just called and complained about the trip she is on for work, and i had no idea what to say to her. she said she has to go to dinner but wants to phone again after. i may not answer then.

i tried to play with the dog a little bit but she wants to play fetch and there is not enough space in the apartment for that, and tug of war makes my wrist hurt from where the iv was.

attempting some math but i don't feel very safe and i have other assignments i really need to work on but i don't think i can. which is not good because i am super behind in all of my other classes. there is nobody i can talk to because justin doesn't want to hear it and a is too busy to respond.

edit: Just realised I never thanked you for all the support, lovely. <3


Last edited by Auror. : 24-01-2015 at 05:18 AM.


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Old 24-01-2015, 08:01 AM   #86
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Can't self harm because my wrist is now bruised and swollen from where the iv was. It's really sore. Oding again even on normal amount is probably a bad idea. I put the dog in her crate for bed and I don't want to get her out. I don't sleep well when she is in bed with me, even though I am less likely to do anything. I didn't make her sleep in the crate last night because I was worried she would get scared I would leave her for a long time again but now she needs to be in there as that is normal for her.

I distracted with some schoolwork but I don't think I can sleep. It's not safe.



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Old 25-01-2015, 01:01 AM   #87
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I'm sorry to keep posting. But I don't want to a make a new thread. Maybe I should?

part of me agrees with the paramedic and the other part thinks the things she said and did might have been wrong. but given what a horrible waste of resources i am and the fact that i am aware i am a difficult patient and crap like that makes me think i probably deserved it and she was right. so it wouldn't even make sense to ask someone if i should consider filing a complaint about her.

like, i don't want it to happen again. but i am pretty sure trying to drive myself to a hospital after i have od'd is not a good idea? i am unsure because i live alone so obviously have no other way to get transport if it is needed and i don't want to call the paramedics again but i would not know what else to do. i've tried phoning justin before but he refuses to take me or even just drop me off. but i mean every time i have od'd and phoned the non emergency line it is the first responders who make the call for ambulance to transport me to hospital. i don't decide it. and when they come they have to help me walk so i mean if i cannot even walk without assistance i should probably not drive? i don't know maybe i should have put this in my rv.



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Old 25-01-2015, 01:06 AM   #88
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I dont have all the answers, but you should definitely not drive after taking an OD. If Justin cant take you, then you should definitely phone for an ambulance.



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Old 25-01-2015, 01:20 AM   #89
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I am unsure why the paramedics would have said to drive myself then?



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Old 25-01-2015, 02:07 AM   #90
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Because they are incompetant quite frankly!
What would happen if you crashed because you passed out etc then they'd have an even bigger issue on their hands! Ridiculous advice from people who are most likely tired,cynical,underpaid and overwhelmed by the system and took it out on you which is absolutely not ok! Try not to pay them any attention,you know the right thing to do in this situation and also so what if they have to see you every single day and take you there they should not be judging you or your situation they are their to help.i'd be inclined to complain but i understand what an enormous amount of energy thaf takes.try to hang in their :)



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Old 25-01-2015, 08:27 PM   #91
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If they were incompetent then they would get fired. You can't be a paramedic and just let people die! Coming to take me to a hospital if I don't need it is a waste of their resources and they are right in trying to suggest alternatives.



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Old 25-01-2015, 11:53 PM   #92
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No they're not. You shouldn't drive after an overdose. Ambulances have driven me to hospital when I have attempted suicide but had no lasting effect (ie I was sitting in the ambulance perfectly fine). Plus you DID need treatment.

Not all incompetent people get fired.

Sorry I know this isn't the biggest problem now but I want you to know you were not wasting their time.

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Old 26-01-2015, 12:03 AM   #93
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thank you lovely. it still feels like i was wasting their time and i am not convinced i did need any treatment. i asked kim about the potassium thing and she said it really was low and they were not lying about that but that doesn't seem anything worthy of needing an ambulance or hospital for.

part of me wants justin actually to have come with me to the hospital sometime after i've od'd just to see how ill it makes me so he can stop saying to drive myself, but it's actually kind of embarrassing because of how i act afterwards that i don't want people i know to see me like that.

seeing doctor lady tomorrow. really hope she doesn't ask/notice about hospital. pretty sure trying to explain that i can't be dead yet because my weight is unacceptable might be concerning. maybe will ask her about the heart thing. it's actually been better so am going to go with its fine now so there is no need asking. so dont really know what to say to her or even how to explain why i made the appointment.



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Old 26-01-2015, 07:04 PM   #94
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I missed my first class again (really not good) but I am here for my other class and wishing I had cancelled the appointment with the doctor lady. I feel pathetic. Being awake and at an eleven am class should not be a big deal. Especially when I actually like the class. I feel odd again today. Unsure how to explain.



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Old 26-01-2015, 07:13 PM   #95
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Is the odd feeling a physical thing or an emotional one?

If you can't drive then you should absolutely call the paramedics to come get you. You're not wasting their time. It is literally their job to come get you and give you treatment that you will ok.

And, an individual od may not be too bad but it's sort of like an accumulated damage sort of thing. You can only do so much internal damage before things start to go wrong.

And something that's a big deal may not be for someone else. It's hard for you to get to an eleven am class right now but you made it!



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Old 26-01-2015, 07:21 PM   #96
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I did not make it to y eleven am class today. I am here for my 130pm class.

I think it is more physical? I am unsure how to even describe it.



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Old 26-01-2015, 08:49 PM   #97
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Hi Carmen you wrote this a while ago how are you feeling now?

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Old 26-01-2015, 10:53 PM   #98
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I feel unwell now. I did see the doctor lady.

She knew about the hospital. She said anything more recent than my last time seeing her automatically pops up when she goes to view her notes in my chart. So it popped up, and it is not that she goes looking for it.

She said she thinks I should come back and see her again to try to work on some things. She said usually I only come because they say at the hospital that I have to, but I explained they did not say that. She said because I did not have to be there that she believes part of me wants things to be different and that she would like to work with that part of me? It was odd. I did not make an appointment. I tried explaining the difference between taking the normal amount of pills and actually oding and how that is different than self harm but I am not sure I explained well. She mentioned eating disorder but I told her it was not a legit thing. She seemed unconvinced and said someone without an eating disorder would not tell her that iv fluids make you gain a ridiculous amount of weight. I obviously do not have an eating disorder because if I did that would be an issue and it is not.

I asked her about driving myself to the hospital but she said she did not know but that if I felt unsafe to drive I should not drive. I also asked about the funny heart thing and she said if it were her and she could tell it felt different from being anxious she would get it checked. She said the rude doctor that I had the bad experience with last time has retired and does not work in the health clinic anymore. She also said there is a medical doctor there that she works with and communicates with that may let you schedule appointments instead of just doing walk ins, which is what the clinic generally only allows. She said she was not positive about appointments but she would ask for me. She said if I made one that she could talk to them in advance and explain about the times I have been in hospital and that self harm does not mean they need to freak out and why I was coming. But she said if I were to schedule an appointment I would have to schedule it over the phone or in person.

So I don't know. I think I said a lot that was not technically allowed. I feel very confused mentally and not well physically.



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Old 27-01-2015, 10:04 AM   #99
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*sits with you*
You did a really good thing talking with the doctor. I'm happy with what you said and talked about and happy she has followed up and suggested you go back to see her. I really hope you'll think about it and go back and see her. It sounds like she is really trying to communicate with you in a way that helps. I hope you give her a shot.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carmen
I obviously do not have an eating disorder because if I did that would be an issue and it is not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carmen, earlier
They did one bag of fluids and then my potassium was super low which they said was probably why my heart was being so weird so they made me take some pills for that. Then did another bag of fluids because I was dehydrated.

Sounds to me like you're pretty physically unwell, I suspect your eating (lack of) impacts this. Plus, she bought it up so it must be of concern.

Please be careful. Please try and see how much she is trying to help you, I think she's right part of you wants to live and it's worth letting that part work with the doctor.

Get some rest, physically, mentally, look after yourself.

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Old 27-01-2015, 08:04 PM   #100
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thank you lovely.

i ended up sleeping on and off from 7pm last night until 1pm today. i've just managed to get out of bed, still don't feel very well physically.

i am sure all the fluids and being dehydrated was from the pills; that usually happens. doctor lady brought the eating disorder thing up because she was trying to figure out how it fit in, if i do not see taking the pills as self harm then how i saw that, but i said it was not a thing.

she said something about how it can be hard for me to communicate with others and that she has learned to be very precise about what she says. she says i see things very black and white, and that i take people literally and so sometimes there is a miscommunication because they meant something to be "more in a grey area" and I did know that, so i take them at their word and then everything just kind of falls apart. i don't know. i don't understand why it would be abnormal. why would someone says something different from what they actually meant and expect someone else to understand? i don't get people. i did not really like that. it made me feel like she was saying i do things on purpose to be difficult.

i do not think i was supposed to have gone in the first place so making another appointment was not allowed. i have not heard anything back from her about the medical doctor so i'm kind of just going to forget about it i think.



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