I don't know what to do with this. - Page 8

Auror. · 01-02-2015, 04:00 PM

I was too afraid to get out of bed because I likely would have done something. Managed a bit more sleep but feel exhausted. I feel like schoolwork keeps piling up too. I am very overwhelmed and I don't see it ending well.

Aardbei · 01-02-2015, 10:36 PM

I'm here Carmen. What's going on for you now? x

Auror. · 02-02-2015, 02:30 AM

Hi Ali. Thanks.

I don't know. I just honestly don't know. The dog reopened one of my cuts so that has gotten me really triggered and I feel guilty because she's really wound up and it rained all day so we couldn't go out.

Overwhelmed with facing school and classes tomorrow and all the **** I am supposed to be doing this week. I don't know how to handle it.

Auror. · 02-02-2015, 09:48 PM

I'm sorry to bump. I guess I could maybe just do with some acknowledgement or a hug maybe?

I tried to change up my morning routine a bit and ended up making both of my classes today. Instead of getting up at 8am to get the dog out and then going back to bed for a bit (which is when I then find it hard to get up to go to school), I decided to not get up until 9am to take her out and just stay up. I know that's probably pathetic but getting up anytime before 11 or 12 is really difficult for me, as I can't often fall asleep until 2 or 3 am.

Everything just feels really hard and overwhelming. I'm going to need to be on campus on Wednesday for both my classes, a review session, and a group meeting and I'm worried about that and what to do with the dog. I have a lot of schoolwork to still catch up on, tests this week, group projects, etc. etc. and I'm struggling. I'm still really worried about money too since I don't even have time or the energy to try to look for a job right now. It just feels like it's all piling up. I've not spoken to Justin and I don't seem to be speaking to A anymore either, so I have nobody. I feel very alone.

Snow White. · 03-02-2015, 11:42 AM

I'm here. I'm sorry things are so overwhelming for you right now. You seem to be trying really hard to manage it. I'm sorry at this moment I don't have any words but I care xx

Auror. · 03-02-2015, 09:27 PM

Thank you lovely.

I had my taxes done today and will be getting a bit of money back. That will help I hope. My mom has said she will pay me back as it was quite expensive to have done and I couldn't have done it on my own.

I need to go in and find out what I need to do to be eligible for financial aid again. I need to catch up on schoolwork. I don't know I feel like even the bit I can manage to do isn't enough to make a difference. I'm so behind and I am trying to do what I can but there just isn't enough time and even if I had time I can't always manage to focus or make sense of things.

Thought about making another appointment with doctor lady but not her what I'd tell her so no point.

Aardbei · 03-02-2015, 11:02 PM

I'm glad you got your taxes done :)

Any schoolwork is good - it's better than doing none. Is there anyone you can ask for some help with it?

Can you print off this thread to bring to the doctor?

Auror. · 04-02-2015, 04:48 AM

I'm unsure whom I would ask for help at this point as I'm mostly struggling with my online courses and it's really the reading and things like that which I am struggling with.

The more concrete assignments I can sort of manage. It's not for lack of understanding, at least most of the time. It's lack of being able to focus and read and be functional enough to get things done, if that makes any sense.

I met with a guy in my math class tonight for a mini review session, as we have a test on Thursday. It was helpful because I had gotten a number of the problems on the practice test wrong. We think that the professor's solutions for 4 of them are incorrect, as he agreed with my solutions. I went to a review session that the professor held last week and a number of her solutions for the handout she gave then were wrong. So I am hoping this is a similar thing. Then it turned out one I had just put into my calculator wrong, and another I had done before we had actually gone over the section, so now I was able to do it properly. So really I only got like one wrong hopefully, which I feel a bit better about. I'm just really slow, like we would work through a problem and he would have solved three by the time I got through one.

I just have so much going on this week and it is very overwhelming. Tomorrow I have both my classes, going to go to a math review session, and straight after that I am meeting my group to work on a project. My mom did give me some money so that I can take my dog to doggie daycare and do a full day there, which means she can stay there for up to 12 hours instead of the 6 hours which is what I have already paid for. So I will drop her off in the morning on my way to class and she can stay until whenever I finish with my group tomorrow evening and I will not have to go home to let her out or feel guilty for her being stuck home alone in her crate.

I don't think I could show doctor lady this thread. Especially not given I have said things about her on here. I am unsure how that would be helpful either way? I have not made an appointment. I was considering emailing her tomorrow evening and asking for a Friday appointment, that way she won't see it until Thursday, and it will likely already be taken so I can't get one. It doesn't make sense to make an appointment for no reason.

I am home now and having a rough night. I don't know where to start with schoolwork and I know I should try to get something else done but I'm just panicking. I don't want to have to od or self harm tonight.

edit: attempted to do some readign for a project i need to be ready to do tomorrow and for an assignment due tomorrow and nope panicking. it's not happening. i can't do this. i don't know what i can do to stay safe right now.