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Old 16-02-2019, 07:16 PM   #1
Devil Girl
 
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Fixation on item that I want to buy

I have had problems with impulsive spending in the past, and whilst I have managed to get this relatively under control I still have a problem with fixating on items and I can't stop thinking about them until I buy it.

So last month I was fixated on the Nintendo Switch which I eventually bought - I am enjoying it and will say it wasn't a waste of money, but I am not a big gamer so we will see how long it is used for. I am going to try and make a concerted effort to keep using it and not make it one of my black hole items - items I have bought and barely used or even not used.

I am currently fixated on buying the new ipad pro and an apple pencil 2 this occurred because my current ipad got smashed and it is proving difficult to get fixed. So I started looking at ipads and hence the reason for the fixation. When I say fixation I am meaning an all consuming need to buy the latest ipad. I have watched days worth of videos on it and can't sleep because I am thinking about it.

My thinking is now that I am going to try and get into a masters program and that having an ipad that I can take digital notes on using the pencil is going to help with a lot of things. Notes on the cloud, no longer lugging about different notebooks, easier to mark up articles, powerpoints and the like. Further, not using so much paper and ink. Plus I can use my ipad for everything I use my old one for.

My issue is, this is an expensive fixation, and I don't know if my borderline tendencies are fueling it or if I am actually being rational. I have once went and bought a macbook without even remembering buying it. So I am not as bad as I was there. I am at least aware of what I am doing.

But I have been looking on the web and struggling to find much looking at this topic in particular. Most stuff in borderline personality disorder looks at spending recklessly, but not this all consuming need to get something.

I know that some of this spending can be related to trying to fill a void, and I understand that buying the ipad will not fill a void. But I am interested in if others have this experience.

Is this partially my disorder or is it just consumerism, or a bit of both.

I have done the reckless spending - I have probably over 200 unread books because of it. Many blurays. Clothes. Shoes. Duvet covers. Pens - thousands of pens. Ring bound planners - I have loads...you only need one and I have loads!

So I know this isn't the reckless spending in that sense. I am not purchasing without thinking. But it is the fixation, the inability to disengage from wanting and researching this ipad. I am not even on a masters course yet - fingers crossed that I will get on one but I have even said as a treat for getting on a course I could buy it but it isn't stopping the fixation. I thought giving myself a goal to buy it would be a good idea but I still can't stop with this fixation or obsession if that is a better word.

I hope this ramble makes sense. And if any one has similar experiences it would be interesting to hear them. Is this partly my borderline side? I know people with borderline personality disorder can become fixated on certain people and it isn't a hard to turn that around to items. But if anyone has ways to reduce the need to purchase I would be happy to hear.

Anyways, rambling stopped.



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a trail of red weaved deep,
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Old 17-02-2019, 08:54 PM   #2
Zurg
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I am exactly the same, only my diagnosis is a schizophrenia one. Like you, i can become almost emotionally invested in stuff i want to buy, to the point that it keeps me awake at night.

I have been a very silly and reckless spender myself and like you, i have gotten better at not throwing away all my money on stupid stuff i don't need anyway. But the fixation part..... that gets to me. It is like i am consumed by this craving after whatever it is i might think i need to the point where i feel convinced i can't possibly live without it. However, i do happen to have realised that if i simply tell myself i can't get it because i can't afford it and will be in debt, then after some time the cravings subside. So it seems that time is a great healer in that respect too. But like with anything else that is addictive in its nature, the cravings will feel unbearable for a while. But they will decrease over time.

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Old 17-02-2019, 10:15 PM   #3
Devil Girl
 
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Thank you for your response.

Yes the craving to buy is the hard thing. I am trying to distract myself but it is hard. I understand that time is the best healer.

I am glad I am not the only person that gets this fixation. I just know I will probably end up buying this item. I can feel it. But I am going to try to hold off until I get a conformation for at least one course.

I have a degree in psychology so have had a look for academic articles about obsessional thoughts, but it is almost always related to obsessive compulsive disorder or personality. But might have another look. Educating yourself is the best thing people say. So I will endever(sp!) to do this - maybe it will distract me.

Part of my problem is that I can afford this item, just, but I can make it work. I have gotten better about not going into debt.

I have basically watched all the youtube videos I can so hopefully that will help wean me off. Maybe, just maybe get some time to research this.



You made up your mind to torture mine!
If you read a scar like a book, you will relise the story in which you over look
red ribbons were weaving
upon the young girls skin.
a trail of red weaved deep,
caused by pain from within


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Old 19-02-2019, 10:32 PM   #4
Auror.
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What if you give yourself permission to buy the item, but only after a set amount of time? Like, okay if the item costs 100$ (switch it to your currency, pounds maybe?) then you can buy it in one month as long as you set aside 25$/week. Or, even if you don't set aside the money, if you still feel this strongly in a month that you want it, then you can have it. Then you can spend the month thinking about it and doing research.

I find personally by giving myself permission to have something, even if it's in a set amount of time, sometimes that will make the urges go away. So like if I've done this with something, once the month hits then I might be like, actually I don't want this anymore or I want something else instead.

It's similar to me with food and both self harm where if I automatically restrict foods or self harm behaviors then I'm more likely to fixate and do them. A lot of it is just internalized pressure. Where instead if I say okay you know what I can regularly buy this item or do this behavior in x amount of time if I do still need, that lessens the urges because it doesn't feel like it's such a black and white thing. Then usually by time the given time frame has passed the urges have passed. I find giving myself permission to do things actually helps urges.

I dunno if that makes any sense or would be helpful but that was what came to mind.



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