Contains sexual abuse - My therapist thinks I should go to the police
Hey, so I'm a little nervous posting here, as it means I'm kind of accepting what happened was rape.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Mentions sexual abuse
Long story short, I was drugged, abducted from a bar, taken to a house & raped by 3 men.
Now, due to the nature of what happened, I only remember brief moments from the rape, I know the bar I was in, & the street where the house I was taken to is. & I know one of the men was Polish/German & one was a postman (I remember from when I woke up, he was going to work & had a postman uniform on.), Anyway, I've spoken to my therapist & as I'm finding it extremely difficult to tell myself it wasn't my fault & it was actually rape, she thought it might help if I saw a police liaison officer/police man to confirm what happened was rape, wasn't my fault & how long they may have gotten if they were convicted, that way I'd feel some sort of justice/validation.
I was wondering what others experiences were of the police? I'm scared they will laugh me out of the station & tell me I'm overreacting.
When I went to the police there was a female police officer who had been trained to ask the right questions and take you through the whole process. So hopefully they would have that in your area. I think it's ultimately your choice what you do and you shouldn't be pressured into speaking if you don't feel able but given the nature of what happened I think it should be reported, and it might give you some closure. But that's just my opinion.
I can see your therapists point, but I think you'd have to be very clear on the purpose of the meeting otherwise it could be really traumatic. If you are just there to get a police perspective and validation that's one thing, but if they expect you to pass on the information you remember and document it etc then that's another thing entirely. That's not meant to put you off, just that your therapist would need to be very clear when liaising with officers etc. There might be other, less triggering ways, of accepting what happened. It will take time irrespective of which path you take.
Hi lovely, I'm so sorry this happened to you. You don't deserve this at all. I agree with Epicene and also with Katie's point about it being your own choice. If it is about validation perhaps thinking of alternative ways that could happen so you have some options instead of just going to the police.
What I did when I was having trouble accepting that it wasn't my fault was looking up research about what "consent" was. Once I realised I hadn't given consent it was easier to blame the perpetrator. In this case there is NO way you could have given consent for this to happen because you were drugged. I know it's hard to believe this can happen but unfortunately it has, but you did nothing to provoke it. They set out to break the law and hurt you and they did, it wasn't your fault.
My question is would you feel validating and having justice knowing how long they would have got? Or would you feel cheated because they haven't been charged? (Just an option of one of the many ways to feel)
Also, is your counsellor a sexual assault counsellor? Really if you're looking for validation and support in beliving the truth - that this was not your fault - they will be the best people to do that in a supportive nature.
The police may not be as supportive as a counsellor can be. In my instance the legal definition of what happened was confusing so the police couldn't charge or help me, so I relied instead on my sexual assault counsellor to reinforce that it was rape and it wasn't my fault. And that just because he couldn't be charged (well he could but it might not be successful in a court) doesn't mean that what he did was right.
That said your case is very clear that it was not consensual and there is no way the police would laugh at you. You've been through a trauma and they are there to help people who have been through situations just like this.
I guess my feeling is if you want to, without feeling pressured, you could speak with them. But I'd be more inclined to think that it might be better with someone psychologically minded like a counsellor, or someone close to you whom you trust deeply.
(I like research so reading articles helped me, but it might be different for other people).
If I can help in any way let me know. This was not your fault at all.
<3
xxx
Probably most important than anything I said in my previous reply is that you haven't said how YOU feel about the idea of the police, only what you counselor suggested. So dear how do you feel about the idea?
♡
Wow,,,, Thank you all so much... You've all put so much thought in replying &/or hugging & it really feels amazing
I do want to go to the police, & I do,, well maybe want to report it. I do want to know what they could have gotten, but at the same time, I don't, because I know there's no way they can catch them now... I'm still a a little confused what I want to do.
My therapist is lovely & she isn't pressuring me, just throwing ideas round. She's not trained in sexual assult or anything, she comes from my ED team, but she is contacting my local sexual assualt/rape crisis center for advice, which will be useful, I'm sure.
I think I'm going to try & write out pros & cons of going to the police, & then write what I might want to find out from them. At least then I'll have more of a clear-cut-out of what I'd like to do.
Really great idea with the pros & cons! Can't think of anything to add on to the amazing replies on here, but just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and wish you the very best :) Take care xx
That must of been horrible. I wouldnt of known what u went through as i havent been through it myself but Im glad that thé problem did get sorted cuz the people what did that should be punished! Im sorry to hear.
Ive had ok responses from the police in terme of Whats happened in my life. I wouldnt say they were great but it wasnt bad. I feel more can be done though in helping people track down murders or anyone else who is dangers.
I know the police get stick from there day job and they are busy people so u have to respect that but more can be done to help really bad cases what goes on in life.
*hugs* Helen- you're so brave and you have already come through so much. Do you have someone coming with you on Friday to report to the police?
You really do deserve peace- in everything. Take care <3
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
I had the police come round today to take a verbal statement... I am then going to do a much more detailed video interview either tomorrow or the day after.
I feel awful. I feel sick. I feel dead inside.
I can't even think, its like my brain has been hoovered & there's nothing inside it. I just want to sleep for hours & hours.
I hated what they asked me. They asked me things I hadn't even asked myself.
I hated it all & they said that the video will be 'worse' & will be really detailed & horrible & I'm dreading it.
On a lighter note, they think they will be able to get them.
Hun not gona lie the video is awful as u will be asked a lot of detail but the police are soooo supportive... You can do this we will be right by your side
*Hugs* Helen, you are amazing for making the statement. It sounds like the police are positive and although it will be terrifying they will be there for you
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
I'm sorry how difficult this process is for you but if the police are saying they think they are able to get them that is a really good sign that this will be worth it in the end. Be super gentle with yourself at every opportunity.
You're so brave Helen, I really admire your courage and strength.
I hope they will get those guys so they can be charged. Hopefully all of this will be helpful in your recovery.
Will you have some extra support for things?
It might be helpful in such a distressing time.
