Support for Jodie (Bellatrix)

[Bellatrix]

but i can hear their screaming. the women. they're being tortured . they're being burned and mutilated/ i ca n see their blood. i'm scared.

[Auror.]

Can you try the 54321 thing again like you did last night? Or phone crisis?

[Bellatrix]

I cna't rememmr th order so i'm oing to make it up
5- Art on walls, picture of my mum, picture of me and my uncle, flower, drink
4- tv, rats, traffic, phone
3 blanket, rat, glass
2 candle, incense
1 whiskey

It helpsme feel more grounded but I@m still scared people are ogoing to get hurt.

I want to nap but I'm scared Ill miss the phone call.

[Uglyducklin]

I'm low on words but so sorry things are hard. X

[Bellatrix]

Thanks

I think my rats know something is happening They're being very clingy and cuddly.They're hlping me

what if I get to hospital and they tell me there's nothing wrong? or that I@m makig it up? what if they don't believe me that there is a man and I have special powers so I can see and hear him. And that he has power to hurt people if i don't do what he says.?

WHat isf they don't believe me?

[shadow-light]

Have the hospital said there's nothing wrong in the past? Logically if there was nothing wrong, or they thought there was nothing wrong they would not be wanting to admit you.

[Unbreakable.]

I'm so proud of you, love <3
You're not letting anyone down by keeping yourself safe. Promise.

With your record it would be hard for anyone to make a claim that you're making things up.
You have E and others on your side if anyone doubts you.

Have you arranged for someone to take care of the ratties?

[Bellatrix]

They'll be okay for a week or so and I hope to be out by then. If not I'm sure I could get home leave to go fix themup.

I know E is on my side, and the crisis team believe me. I just had a bad experience with one of the ward doctors who baiscally told me i was making it up/exaggerating. So I'mreluctact to talk. BUt I'll try and talkopenly with the dr i see.Hopefully they will believe me.

I'mso deserapte forsomeone to believe me.I feel likei'mon my own with this.I'mthe only one who believes and everone else says it''s an illness.hwy cna't people belive me when I say they're in danger and i'mtrying to protect them?

[Unbreakable.]

Ah, okay, glad they should be fine :)

I'm sorry the doctor was an arse.
Can you try and think of people you found helpful instead?
I'm really hoping you get appropriate treatment and staff who are supportive.

Oh lovely, I'm sorry you're so distressed about people not believing you it's real.
I think reality is just quite different for everyone.

[Bellatrix]

I did somethin stupid and drank.

I wish people woule beleive me. It's real.IT'sall real. Th monsters we all fear are real.

The devil. He's here.

I saw his face in a newspaper article.Arrested forproduction of child pornograph. It's him.It's the manwho hurt me.took pictures of me.It's him.hes been arrested.but how many children hashe hurt because i never said anything? i'm as evil as he is.

the devil is comming for me.

[shadow-light]

He's the one who hurt you, he's the one who choice to hurt you, he's the one that choose to hurt others. You are in no way to blame for his actions.
If this was someone else who was hurt and abused but never report it would you blame them for the actions of their abuser? He is the bad one here, not you

[Bellatrix]

I understand.
But the truth is. If I'd had saidsomething. THose girls wouldn't hve been hurt.That makes me as evil ashim.And I desere to be punshed.

[Bellatrix]

i'm kinda drunk.
i wantn to die
still waiting for the call

[Unbreakable.]

Can you really expect a child to be responsible for reporting abuse?
You were scared and didn't know what to do. Abusers know that and take advantage of that.

[Unbreakable.]

Can you put the alcohol away?

[Bellatrix]

I havee. But I@mdriunk
I know I shoudln' have.but i needd to blott himout.to numb him.

YOu don't understand how powerful he is.

[Unbreakable.]

You're right, I don't understand how he affects you.
But I will keep trying.

Drink water/squash and maybe have some food?

[Bellatrix]

He contols my thoughts. my actions. he determins how i feel each day.

h hreatens the peoplei care abouut and will hurt them if i don't do what he sayss.i'm so scared he'll hurt people. and i could have stopped it.

i'mtakne oveer. i'm not me. i'mhim.t's too late.

[Unbreakable.]

Contact Crisis, say you need help staying safe until a bed comes up?

That sounds incredibly scary.

[Gordon.]

Sorry you're struggling so much. You have so many reasons to hold on and fight this. When you go IP, I hope that it helps you to feel safe, and that you can start to work through the things that are hurting you so much. You don't deserve to be feeling this way at all. I hope that you can see how many people around here care about you, and are here to help you along the way.

Definitely give them a call if you're struggling being alone at the moment. If they're willing to admit you, then they will understand how difficult it is to be alone, and perhaps it will speed up the process, or they can offer you support over the telephone.