hey, sorry haven't been posting on many threads or anything but am having a really tough week and i just wanted to put this to see if anyone knows ways of how to stop being depressed :L i'll explain why i feel like this and hope you can help because i don't know what to do and i have just been struggling in silence.
I had been planning for ages about killing myself on Sunday night it was just a loose plan and i had figured everything out and just decided my best option was to give up (which isn't like me, i do try to be optimistic in my mind even though most of what i say is negative) :')
then on Friday my granddad passed away, and i just didn't know what to do and i told myself i could deal with the grief like everyone else so i didn't cut. But then on Sunday my mum was packing for her holidays and i was busy talking to a person on this site to try and get help, so my mum came in and just screamed in my face saying how i was selfish and she wanted to bray the living daylights out of me and that i had been sat in my room for days but what am i supposed to do when i was really trying not to cut??? My boyfriend came round later realized i was planning on killing myself and broke down in tears so i promised i wouldn't because it kills me when i think i would hurt him :(
I relapsed that night anyway and think i knocked my self out and tried to get drunk. But i just feel so sad and i can't focus, talk to people or even laugh properly unless i sh but i daren't because that release isn't enough anymore so i can't stop once i start.
I just want to feel happy, or at least not feel like this all the time, i don't know if its because of my granddad's death or what but i've had loads of close family die and it never felt this terrible it just came on like floods of sadness when i thought about them.
I’m sorry for your loss. Greif is a hard thing to cope with and if you are already feeling depressed it must be almost impossible. Antidepressants can help in the short term but I’m guessing you would like to be able to do something to make yourself feel better in the long term - something lasting.
You’ve probably heard this loads of times but changing what you think does help. There’s some really good books and Cds out there that can help us cope better with our depression. One of the things that worked for me was to say and repeat, “I want to feel better now!”
Feeling like crap and thinking about feeling like crap just makes us feel more crappy. Try changing what you think. Try listening to some good music (not sad stuff).
I feel the most important thing is to be kind and gentle with yourself. Greif is very real and needs to ride it’s course.
i think that your mom was unfair to yell at you, but she does have a good point. when feeling depressed, most people isolate themselves from other people, because it feels easier. but doing that ends up intensifying the depression. even if you don't feel like it, it is important to get out of the house and do things around other people. depression saps your energy, and ironically the way to get it back isn't to rest all the time, it is to keep doing a reasonable amount of activity... when you sit in your room and try not to cut, there isn't much to distract you, whereas if you go out, there is usually more going on that can keep your focus off the urge
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
thanks for the advice, and i think i might try to start looking at books, i recently got a book called "maps of the mind" given to be me which is for people to help understand how there mind works, i haven't started reading it yet though.
and i normally put my music on loud but got dad looking after me so not allowed :(
and thanks but i don't seem to want to go anywhere or be around people, i just prefer to isolate my self because when i am around people i have to act like everything is ok which just drains my energy further, but i will try, think i am meant to be going to my mates this weekend which should take my mind off things
xx
Hey amy, sorry your feeling so bad because of everything :(
maps of mind sounds really interesting!
also get some earphones and put it up loud for you, thats what i do sometimes and then i just lie down and after a few really fast songs i usually feel a little bit better.
And its good your going to see your friends this weekend.
I know you don't feel like doing much and that understandable and because you just lost your grandad things are even harder for you, but just try and take little steps to do some things, it doesnt have to be anything big just what you feel manageable.
Just keep fighting and there will be some times where you feel a little better xxx
♥ .I'm going to fall like I don't need saving. ♥
...My smile's just the armour I built when I was alone...
There was some part of me that hurt so badly, that I wouldn't ever be able to forget it.
It faded but the memories could bring it back any second, keeping me in the moment.
It would never fully heal. I could never really be free. I could never really be fixed. Now I just have to work out how to live whilst being broken.
I feel like I'm dying.
thanks and i don't know if am seeing my friends this weekend now so probably going to be stuck in the house and not allowed out :'(
and i don't want to do anything, i just sit and play Xbox :')
and trying to fight, i haven't relapsed since that one on Sunday so am trying to quit again, but i don't think i'll be able to help it on Wednesday when i have the funeral because i need something to get me through the day xxx
