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Old 01-05-2011, 05:47 AM   #1
Ileana
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I don't know how to reconcile my values, beliefs and sensitivities with my career.

Like the tittle says, I'm finding it very difficult to reconcile what I've always believed, and possibly will always believe, and also what I feel with what I should do in my 'career'. Please read even though it's most likely a nonsensical rant, I would like some feed back. It's long though...

I'm seriously reconsidering this career (Substance Abuse Counseling), I know I would be happier working at anything else right now. Even as grocer or something like that...I mean, I started studying psychology because it made sense. My initial career decision had been English Literature and these days I wish I hadn't dropped that one because I spend more time reading Lit than doing any of the work I'm supposed to be doing about psychology. Psychology made sense because, even as young as 8 years old I would read endlessly about psychology and I was fascinated by human behaviour and human 'problems' especially what societies consider 'normal' and the things that get you labeled as 'abnormal'. I used to steal books from the school library in Elementary school and one of those books was about psychology and was divided in chapters and, believe it or not, by age 11 I had memorized my favorite chapters (which were the ones on Night Terrors, How society views suicide and Adoption and Family...the latter one because I fantasized someone would adopt me one day and also wished to adopt when I became an adult) so when I returned to uni I decided psychology would be it...and my first year I was sure I'd made the right decision because I hardly had to do anything and still got all A's...but in time I became bored, most of the things they were 'teaching' me I already knew about (I'm aware this makes me sound ridiculously arrogant but I'm not...I just can't lie about it) and it wasn't long until I saw the disgusting aspect of medical science, especially mental health sciences.

Currently I feel disappointed and extremely frustrated. All I see is people who understand nothing about other people but also make no effort to understand. I see arrogant people degrading others by labeling them and looking down on them. I see a lot of people being all smug and intellectual while not giving a single **** about the people they're supposed to be helping. I seriously think I'm in the wrong career now. Almost everyone in this industry thinks they know everything and are so ****ing patronizing to clients that it personally offends me, after all I've had my share of encounters with mental health professionals in my personal life and I know what it's like to be sitting on the other side of the desk. My current goal has been to become a Substance Abuse Counselor and as a recovering addict and child of addicts who grew up in a ghetto surrounded by addicts and addiction it seriously and personally bothers me that people look down on addicts and treat them as if they weren't human. I have NEVER (and I'm not exaggerating) met an addict or homeless person who was mean to me or judgmental. In fact, some of them have helped me and done things for me that no preppy, smug, spoiled uni student would ever think of doing so the things I see and am expected to put up with really get to me. I'm not supposed to disrespect a professor by talking back to them even when they're insulting people I actually believe have much more values and sensitivities than anyone I rub shoulders with in school...and possibly are even smarter then most of them too and deserve a great deal of respect in my eyes, not only for who they are but also for everything they've been through and have managed to overcome or try to overcome.

Hospitals are **** to work in when you're in mental health because they have these ridiculous protocols and bureaucracy that make it literally impossible to really help someone. You can't get personal, you can't share personal experiences with the clients ('patients' has become such a demeaning word in this field used to remind you that they are 'sick' and should be treated as such and are different from you, a 'healthy' individual...well, I don't believe this and adhere to the more sensible term of 'clients'), you can't touch them; which includes hugging and/or shaking hands. You can't give them your phone number and if you do (which I have) expect to be in probation for it. You can't meet with them outside and are encouraged to, if you happen to run into them on the outside, ignore them and keep walking. You have little time with each person so you're advised to talk to them in a minute (literally) and keep moving on even though we all know that is nearly not enough to make an assessment about someone's mental state or progress/recovery state (let alone get other information that would be helpful in their treatment but is not primary).

I see nurses disgusted with clients, especially the homeless and/or addicts. I see psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists shut them up when they want to open up about what brought them there by telling them 'not here, talk about it with your doctor' but their doctor only comes by once a week and sees them for five minutes or less...so when exactly do they get to talk to someone? All in all, what are these 'professionals' doing?...because they're definitely not helping and in fact are doing the opposite. Everything they advise us against is everything that could help these people...even if only a little. I understand protocol and I understand ethics and certainly you cannot help them all and you cannot befriend them all but we all know that treating them all like objects and not giving a **** doesn't help and there are always cases in which it's okay to become involved a little more. It could save a life. We're talking about people, human beings...not furniture.

I feel disgusted at the cringing faces of doctors when an addict comes to them and touches them, even for a second...they have to go to the bathroom and wash like they're arm is gonna fall off not realizing that they are the disgusting ones with that attitude. I hugged a homeless woman who had HIV and everyone was telling me not to...but when I asked them why they had no real, medical reasons not to. I asked them repeatedly why they didn't want to touch her and all they would say was that she was sick. Coming from people in the medical field it's ridiculous...they are well aware HIV does not spread by contact and neither of us would get it by hugging her or holding her hand. How are you supposed to help someone or even get to them enough to make an impact if you treat them like this? Do these 'professionals' think that these people don't notice their disdain, contempt and even hatred? Do they think clients don't notice the patronizing attitude and the remarks? The distance they put between them when they talk to them? How little they care, if at all? Would you listen to anyone who treated you that way? Would you respect them? Would you think them right? And how would you want to be treated if you were homeless or an addict? I would want to be treated like a normal person, because I am...because being sick or homeless doesn't make you any less of a human being and life has taught me ANYONE can find themselves in that situation. I would want to be listened to and considered, I would want to be respected like everyone should. I would want them to care...and if they didn't I wouldn't listen to them then. I wouldn't want to be ignored. I would only listen to someone who cared and treated me right.

Seems the only future for someone like me is being fired from hospitals and clinics for failing to follow protocol, seems I can only do practice on my own or change careers completely. I'd much, much rather be among the dirty and sick and poor and afflicted and alienated and addicted than among the spoiled, rotten, judgmental, hateful, ignorant, empty and selfish 'successes' of this very sickening society. I'd rather be among them and get my hands 'dirty' doing actual, meaningful, transcendental work than being a smug little bitch in a cozy, cold, dehumanizing and desensitizing environment where you are rewarded when you show detachment and desensitization and punished and sanctioned when you are A HUMAN BEING.

I am so sorry this is so long...however, I would like some support. Should I finish and then start a new career or just go work at something else? Or drop out? Should I pursue some kind of private practice even though I have no money and know nothing of running or starting a 'business'? Should I join some kind of community work where there is more freedom to work with? Am I in the wrong career? Am I even cut out for this as a job? Should I go back to English Lit...or maybe be a teacher? But I wanted to help people and teaching won't really let me do that. I have no clue...all I know is I'm different and I'm frustrated because I care...and it shouldn't be that way. Why are the ones who care the minority? It bothers me.

Massive kudos if you read all of this though, and thank you.


Also, on a side note (a little anecdote?): I'm aware a lot of the feelings I have come from the experiences I've had with the homeless and addicts. I have been homeless myself before as well and I have had addicts watch over me while I sleep...which I was so very thankful for. I also had many experiences with my heroin addicted father in which EMT workers, nurses, police officers and doctors would treat him like garbage even in front of me and all that hurt and angered me a lot...and I guess I can't help to see that behind those dirty, sick-looking people there are many stories and an entire lifetime of experiences and a lot to learn from...and most importantly, there is a family somewhere, a loved one or once loved one and there are feelings and hurt.


Last edited by Ileana : 01-05-2011 at 06:24 AM.



"...that incremental suicide of turning your life into a dream, to make being awake as similar to sleep as possible. Drowsily, lazily, dry-mouth your way through the day's ceremonies, fumble your way back into the dew-bather you never really left, draped in brown, brown now all around, the haze!" - Russell Brand on drug addiction.

"Si ma êkh gûndo piyiamásko...ándo bírto barruno. Bírto, bírto barruno."



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Old 01-05-2011, 06:25 AM   #2
Ileana
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I'm so ridiculous I cried while writing this :/




"...that incremental suicide of turning your life into a dream, to make being awake as similar to sleep as possible. Drowsily, lazily, dry-mouth your way through the day's ceremonies, fumble your way back into the dew-bather you never really left, draped in brown, brown now all around, the haze!" - Russell Brand on drug addiction.

"Si ma êkh gûndo piyiamásko...ándo bírto barruno. Bírto, bírto barruno."



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Old 01-05-2011, 08:46 AM   #3
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I only read brief parts of this but I want to read it properly through a bit later and give you a more substantial reply then. It sounds difficult for you but all I can leave is hugs or whatever, for now.

Take care.



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Old 01-05-2011, 08:55 AM   #4
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I hear you.

I wonder - have you thought about working within this field in the voluntary sector? [I mean getting paid for it, but with charitable organisations.] That, at least in the UK [not sure where you are] is radically different from the medical arena. Housing associations, hostels, refuges, mental health organisations.

Thing is, you'd have to get through the stuff at uni first.

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Old 01-05-2011, 12:06 PM   #5
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I am going to work in the field of psychology once I graduate from uni and so on. I want to be a forensic psychologist and work with young offenders with mental health problems. I know it's going to be soul destroying stuff, because of the red tape and the protocol and the attitudes of other people in that sector. But someone's got to make the difference.

It's down to you whether you carry on, or you do something different, but you can still make a difference. Even if it's just giving someone a smile when no-one else has bothered.



Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…

you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.


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Old 01-05-2011, 01:35 PM   #6
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My first thought after reading that was what Stellata suggested - one option might be to look into voluntary positions in the field. That way you would have a bit more freedom and less protocol.

It's good that you wrote all this... and it really becomes clear how much it means to you to help others. I don't work with people, but I think it's important that you consider a few things for yourself:

Do you think you'll be able to cope with it? It's an exhausting job, mentally, physically, emotionally. It'll often be thankless, and you will often meet people you clash with. That will be a strain, and from my understanding that's one reason why it's not encouraged to become emotionally involved with clients. You HAVE to be stable in order to help others.

I should add that I do think your mindset to it is remarkable. The sort of people you describe sound horrible to have as carers, doctors, nurses. I'd much rather deal with someone who is compassionate. You could make a difference - maybe only for one single person occasionally, in small ways. As control freak said, even if it's just by giving a smile.
Do you think that would be enough for you? Because as wonderful as the idea is, I don't think it'll be possible to change the minds of many other students / professionals you'll be working with.

Are there people on your course you could talk this over with? I wouldn't be surprised if others felt similar at some point, for whatever reasons.

You mentioned teaching as another option. I realise that wouldn't allow you to help people on the same scale as what you're doing now - but never underestimate the influence a good teacher can have on children or teenagers.

I guess no one will be able to tell you what's the best course of action... but I think you should consider the situation carefully before making a rash decision. If you've already invested a lot of time into this, then what's the harm in finishing?

Good luck however you decide.

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Old 02-05-2011, 11:09 AM   #7
Ileana
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Stellata - That's a great idea and I think it's the only option with which I would be comfortable in the end. I guess I just have to get through what's left of uni for me. Thank you.

Control Freak - You're right. I'd like to think that I've already made some kind of difference in very small ways. Forensic Psychology is really awesome, it was one the careers on my list. Good luck with that.

Aimless - "Do you think you'll be able to cope with it? It's an exhausting job, mentally, physically, emotionally. It'll often be thankless, and you will often meet people you clash with. That will be a strain, and from my understanding that's one reason why it's not encouraged to become emotionally involved with clients. You HAVE to be stable in order to help others." This is something I worry about a lot, will I be able to cope with it? Some aspects of it can really destroy you emotionally.

"I should add that I do think your mindset to it is remarkable. The sort of people you describe sound horrible to have as carers, doctors, nurses. I'd much rather deal with someone who is compassionate. You could make a difference - maybe only for one single person occasionally, in small ways. As control freak said, even if it's just by giving a smile.
Do you think that would be enough for you? Because as wonderful as the idea is, I don't think it'll be possible to change the minds of many other students / professionals you'll be working with." - Yeah, I think in the end that's all I can really do...

I'm not much social there so I really don't know if there's someone else who feels that way, mostly I hear what they say and how they act and it makes me feel they don't feel the way I do but there could be someone else. There's a lot of privileged people there who, I would guess, don't really understand certain things.
Teaching would be fine, being a professor of psychology or some other social sciences related things...I guess I could open some minds that way so it wouldn't be bad but I'd prefer to go down the social work road if I can. Thank you so much.

Auror - Thank you my love. I don't remember if I mentioned the Substance Abuse thing...but you're not wrong with the Autism thing either. That was what i initially wanted to do in psychology, work with Autistic children...but I realized I was good with addicts and the homeless and I sort of identify with them and when the opportunity came to become a counselor I went for it. You've never told me about your sister, no. I would love to move there and work at something like that...like what you mentioned. I think I'll just go over there and bother you until you hate me :) and work in something like that...I guess I'm not too fond of hospital or any kind of setting that's restrictive. I'm too much of a liberal, free-spirit to feel comfortable there. Thank you so much dear...I'll stick with it and we'll see what happens in the end...because I'm moving out of here anyway.


Maybe In the end I'll end up hypocritically doing drugs with them. I briefly worked as a volunteer occupational therapist at this christian rehab center here where they take the 'inmates' out on the back of a bus to let them out on street corners to sell cakes and trash bags in order to raise money for the center (something I was against for many reasons, especially the fact they have to sport a t-shirt stating they're recovering addicts which to me violates their privacy) and I used to joke with my best friend about car-jacking the bus and taking them all on a drug run then getting high with them and bringing them back...we would laugh but maybe some tiny part of me identified with them and wanted to let them have their 'medicine' while I had mine too. So maybe I'm not really ready for this work.




"...that incremental suicide of turning your life into a dream, to make being awake as similar to sleep as possible. Drowsily, lazily, dry-mouth your way through the day's ceremonies, fumble your way back into the dew-bather you never really left, draped in brown, brown now all around, the haze!" - Russell Brand on drug addiction.

"Si ma êkh gûndo piyiamásko...ándo bírto barruno. Bírto, bírto barruno."



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Old 02-05-2011, 07:48 PM   #8
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Taking drugs with addicts is definately not the way to go about helping them. You know that.

I can appreciate where you are coming from with the attitudes of people. I've found many psychologists to be very patronising. But like you say, many may be from priviliged backgrounds and just genuinely not understand.

Charitable work does sound like it would suit you best if thats what you want to get into. Something like Shelter.

And like others have said....you can make a difference, even just with a few kind words and a smile.



Courtesy
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Old 07-05-2011, 01:20 PM   #9
Ileana
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Thanks...I agree.
The drug-field-day on the bus thing was a joke. I would never do that :)




"...that incremental suicide of turning your life into a dream, to make being awake as similar to sleep as possible. Drowsily, lazily, dry-mouth your way through the day's ceremonies, fumble your way back into the dew-bather you never really left, draped in brown, brown now all around, the haze!" - Russell Brand on drug addiction.

"Si ma êkh gûndo piyiamásko...ándo bírto barruno. Bírto, bírto barruno."



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Old 15-05-2011, 09:50 AM   #10
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Hey
Firstly, I’m not sure where you are at with your studies and such but it would seem a shame not to complete especially if you are near the end (sorry if you did say in your post) then even if you decided to do something totally different you have the qualifications.
Also, you sound like the sort of person who would be good in the caring professions, you mentioned your interest and the ease at which you pick up the theory and this is together with the compassion and drive to actually help people so it would be a loss to the professions if you decided it wasn’t for you. Hopefully in some form you will decide to continue helping people even if you decide it would be healthier for you to do it in some other form.
The bureaucracy and red tape is frustrating and will always frustrate people in hospitals, I disagree that most people in mental health are bad or arrogant and the rest so I think most of us come up against stupid and frustrating protocols. However I do think that some professionals hide behind this, you have described the NHS as having rules about not touching people, I’ve heard this before but it isn’t true. I’m not debating that your trust has this rule or the staff in your particular place of employment believe they have this rule but there is also the possibility that staff are using this spurious rule to get out of physical comfort or they are just misguided and believe that is what the law says (a lot of people do believe this)
I do disagree with some things you said.
This is a petty one but I personally hate the word client and don’t find it empowering however I do ask my patients if they have a preference (never yet had one say they prefer client but I work with kids so they probably wouldn’t anyway). I’ll find some links but there have been studies done about this which show people generally don’t mind being called patient, if you are seeking healthcare then you are a patient. I don’t think seeing people as a person with an illness is a bad thing but I feel like the word client was invented to give the illusion of choice which in reality most patients in MH don’t get for various reasons and like a lot of PC language is really just tokenism.
I also think there is a distinction between treating people with the respect and compassion they deserve and befriending them. Professional boundaries are there for a reason and a therapeutic relationship is not the same as a friendship. I’m sure there are many professionals who are terrible at their jobs and do treat people disrespectfully and downright abusively but having been on the other side of that desk too being mates isn’t appropriate. In the same way teachers shouldn’t be friends with students it is not the same as being friendly.
You also mentioned that you have never met an addict or a homeless person who has been mean to you. I’ve met loads. I find it really difficult to believe that of such a large and diverse sector of people you have genuinely never met anyone who just wasn’t very nice, this is not too say you are lying but could your judgement be clouded? This is not about the fact that people are addicts or homeless but about the fact that they are human beings and some humans are mean in general and when people are frightened, ill or in pain they are often mean so if you genuinely haven’t seen this yet then it might some as quite a shock because you will there isn’t a sector of society where everyone is nice.
I would be wary of making the assumption that almost everybody in the industry thinks they know everything or that they are spoilt, smug etc. You don’t know everyone or their backgrounds. I don’t think it is appropriate to discuss my background with patients because it belittles their current experience and can seem as if I understand what they are going through when in reality no one fully understands the experience of another. Because of this I have people (patients and students) decide that they know my background and my current health status when they could not be further from the truth.
I wouldn’t advise going straight into private practice, you would still have to abide by rules and red tape and you would still be relatively inexperienced.
Sorry for the essay! And please don’t take this as personal criticism just something to think about.

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Old 26-04-2012, 11:59 PM   #11
Ileana
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^^
I never even saw this and I feel bad for not having replied. I wasn't offended, not at all. In fact I appreciate your reply and I agree with a lot of the things you said...I must admit, though it seems hard to believe, of the addicts and homeless people I know personally or have worked with professionally...none have ever been violent or mean but very, very nice people...and it's not because my judgement is clouded...where I live people are sort of nice to you if you are nice to them, especially the ones down on their luck...they appreciate a non-judgmental approach. The only aggressive, violent, mean and dangerous addict I have ever known was my father...but I didn't mention him in my post because I was thinking of the people I worked with...and I swear those were all amazing people. I agree with you, that professional decorum is of extreme importance and ethics exist for a reason but I'm also not the kind of person to get too hung up about those things and their bureaucracy and as I have seen from personal experience, it doesn't really do the work...I respectfully disagree that befriending them is not a good way to go...sometimes I think it's the only thing that truly helps. Also, if it's about social work...they are not my patients and I am not there to heal them...only to aid them in whatever physical needs they may have (food, shelter, clothing) as well as emotional (usually they just want someone to listen to them) but my role there is not as a doctor so they are NOT my patients...but I do think that in a clinical setting, a person is paying for a service and even if it's healthcare I personally feel more comfortable thinking of them as clients instead of patients because 'patient' implies 'illness' and that is not always the case. Also, from personal experience...I'd rather my therapist didn't ever refer to me as his 'patient' and most of my peers agree...but I see your point and fully respect it. We are in respectful disagreement here. Yet if the system really helped, we wouldn't have the mess we have...plus gaining these people's trust is a huge step and going about it all proper and following the rules gets you nowhere with people from the ghetto, in fact the only people they allow there to work with them are those who befriend them and understand them and don't push anything on them or follow procedure every single day (like wearing rubber gloves and talking to them in a condescending tone...and yes, where I studied and did my work it was REQUIRED and I got a lot of **** for not following these rules)...so it's complicated, also, you must understand that I'm a poor person...raised by addicts and who is battling addiction too and I work and study with rich people who don't understand, really...and that was basically what my post and frustration was about, then, and why I called them 'smug'...which they are (the ones I work with anyway) and they do hurt my feelings constantly. And I KNOW I can't do what I want in terms of working with the homeless as long as my own problems are not in check and I won't do that (I'm not that stupid and I can't be that big a hypocrite) and plus....here all of the good social workers and 'interventionists' I've met are all former addicts so maybe, just maybe, if I get it together I could really do what I want to do with this...but while I'm still in school and am required to do this work I must if I want to graduate, no matter what may be going on in my personal life (plus I really enjoy it and it helps me too...it goes both ways. I try to help them, they help me) and I am a firm believer in the empathy-based kind of therapy and in those amazing psychiatrists that actually push for a more 'personal and friendship-based kind of therapy' (like Levenkron and Breggin) and also believe in other healing methods and in something called Socially Engaged Buddhism and similar approaches which is also something I would have to push and fight for because it is not well-received by the 'typical' mental health community but I want to work with that after I'm licensed...if ever I get my life together, of course. But I truly appreciate your point and understand it. I apologize for this sudden response but felt it was disrespectful of me to not acknowledge your reply to my thread because it is important and much, much appreciated.

Sorry for bumping this **** up again, especially at a point where it's not even relevant or a priority anymore...but I wanted to respond.

ps, one of the persons who helped me immensely in my childhood and taught me the meaning of real friendship...was my elementary school home-room teacher, with whom I had a personal relationship and who I saw as a mentor and positive female figure in a time where everyone around me was a horrible role-model and her friendship was EXACTLY what I needed so...again, I respectfully disagree because my experience requires it.


Last edited by Ileana : 27-04-2012 at 12:18 AM.



"...that incremental suicide of turning your life into a dream, to make being awake as similar to sleep as possible. Drowsily, lazily, dry-mouth your way through the day's ceremonies, fumble your way back into the dew-bather you never really left, draped in brown, brown now all around, the haze!" - Russell Brand on drug addiction.

"Si ma êkh gûndo piyiamásko...ándo bírto barruno. Bírto, bírto barruno."



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