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Old 25-01-2020, 11:08 AM   #1701
EyelinerAndCigarettes
 
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How are you feeling today?







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Old 25-01-2020, 12:38 PM   #1702
one_step_closer
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Feeling hopeless and giving up is a tough place to be. I hope you can find your fight again or else you'll be stuck.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 25-01-2020, 02:36 PM   #1703
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Am overwhelmed by the kind comments left. Thank you.

I guess I just haven't been the same since I found my friend dead. And I guess I keep hoping if I refuse medication that the staff and doctors will also give up on me and let me go.

I had a chat with my named nurse for today and she thinks i should try the lithium again. And she said "we've been here before" she must be so fed up with me I told her I'm a waste of time

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Old 25-01-2020, 02:41 PM   #1704
one_step_closer
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I'm sure she's not fed up with you, maybe she was just meaning that you've been in a dark place before and can get through it if you are willing to try some of the things that have been suggested. What are you thinking about the Lithium now? I wouldn't want you or anyone else to give up on yourself, it's better to try and take steps forward while you have all this support.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 25-01-2020, 08:27 PM   #1705
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I think that's probably what she meant but still can't help but feel people must be fed up with me. So maybe that will go in my favour and they'll discharge me. I don't know I don't think I want the lithium or Flupendixol depot. I just keep hoping they'll give up on me.

While I was waiting for my support worker I had an awful flashback to the night I found my friend and was blaming myself for what happened afterwards. I was crying really a lot so I talked to my nurse again and she got the ice for the TIPP skill and it helped calm me down. I saw my support worker but only for an hour unfortunately as she had to wait nearly an hour to get onto the ward and her parking ticket was running out.

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Old 25-01-2020, 08:31 PM   #1706
one_step_closer
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It's their job to look after you and the other patients, I'm sure they're used to people feeling hopeless and not wanting certain treatments. What would happen if you were discharged without feeling any better? Isn't it better to try things to see if you can find some relief and improvement in your mood?

Well done for talking to your nurse and using TIPP. Keep doing the safe things you need to do to look after yourself. How did it go with your support worker? When are you next seeing someone?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old Yesterday, 09:41 AM   #1707
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Maybe. I don't know anymore. I'm just confused.

Thanks. It went well but we were meant to have 2 hours but we only had 1 as she waited an hour for someone to let her in. And then her parking ran out. We talked about me needing more hours for when I leave and I said not having enough of the care is one of the reasons I ended up in hospital in the first place.

I've written down some points for my care coordinator and I'm planning to ring her on Tuesday when she is next in.

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Old Yesterday, 10:04 AM   #1708
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Why do you want people to give up on you? From what I’ve seen, you’ve actually made a lot of progress from when you first started this thread. Does it help to know that the nurses are there to help, and that they chose that profession so they could help people? Therefore making it very unlikely they’ll give up on you. In my line of work, if I have someone that wants me to give up on them/stop helping it makes me even more determined to help them see I’m there to help and don’t at all feel like I’m sick of them! Of course, everyone is different but I’d imagine its the same for most people.

I was wondering if perhaps the reason you “want” (wrong word but can’t think of a better one) them to give up on you was so you could kill yourself? Has this desire lessened any since you’ve been in hospital?

Well done for writing things down for your care coordinator. Do you find writing things down helpful? If so, perhaps you could write down some of your feelings in a diary or something? Not sure how helpful you’d find that but it does help me so thought I’d suggest it.

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Old Yesterday, 11:57 AM   #1709
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Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately I've not gotten any better or made any real progress. 7 months on and yes I still want to kill myself. It hasn't lessened if anything it's got worse since I found my friend dead. But yes basically I am hoping people will give up on me so that I can kill myself but it's not really going my way right now.

Yes I do find writing things down helpful and thanks for the suggestion x

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Old Yesterday, 02:06 PM   #1710
one_step_closer
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I hope that you will let people support you because I believe you can get through this. Maybe if your friend hadn't died you would be further forward by now, and with time you can work through your grief etc.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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