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Old 11-07-2007, 06:36 PM   #1
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Triggering (OD) - Confused and unsure

I am getting suicidal thoughts on a regular basis and last night I didnt even care if the tablets would make me ill (I have a fear of being sick), that fear wasnt there last night.

I question everything I do or say and this is the same with the thoughts about suicide. At the moment I am thinking I wont have time to do it when my finishes work (20th July) or weekends. So that leaves me weekdays. I worry about what state I will get in, who will find me, what if I mess it up (not sure if I even want to die, I just want a break and to be out of it). I dont know what my purpose is, I dont know if I could face up to seeing people again if I go through with this and I mess up. For some reason I am thinking about tomorrow being the day. I am just fed up with trying to survive each day. I dont know what I am doing, sorry

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Old 11-07-2007, 06:47 PM   #2
Bleeding Angel
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There are two good links here you should read Here and Here .

Have you thought about going to a doctor and telling them what you are planning hun? I know its a scary thought but ive had to do that before and its easier than it seems.

Is something going on in your life right now that is making you consider this? Suicide is a permenant soloutin and something that shouldnt be taken lightly.

Attempting suicde isnt a pleasent experiance either and the chances are you will fail, beilve me its not nice being tied up in a hospital lying on a drip, its something you dont want to experiance.





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Old 11-07-2007, 06:49 PM   #3
Circle Of Fire
 
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I know exactly how you feel hun. Every day i think of suicide ect and it really does wear you down. Like you said i go through all the stages of planning how and then thinking about what will happen after ect and in the end it just leads to more questions and more unhappy answers.

However you said it yourself, your not even that sure if you want to die. I always imagine that the worst thing in the world would be to kill yourself but in your last moments discover that you wanted to live all along. Thats like me, i want to live but i dont know how, i cant find a sort of meaning in my life.

A good thing i find to do is make a list of things (in your head or on paper) of things that you have to live for. Big things, like having a Kid and meetign the right preson to even tiny things like the taste of your favourite food when your starving. When you think about it there are quite a few little pleasures in life that you dont want to loose out on.

try to avoid takign pills ect because even a little cut here and there or a little overdose leads you down the path that gets worse and more dangerous as i'm sure you know.

I really really hope your ok hun! stay strong and take care of yourself!

xxxxxx



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A MomentBurning then Dims to Die.


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Old 11-07-2007, 06:55 PM   #4
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I am just fed up of waking in the morning and wishing I hadnt woken up, then I realise I have to get through a day again.

I am coming towards the end of cbt, which hasnt helped. My private therapist wants to refer me for in-patient treatment, but my nhs therapist thinks that in-patient is for when you are really severe. I dont want anyone to argue over my health.

All I do each day is go to the shops and am back before 9:30 in the morning. I dont speak to friends anymore or meet up with anyone. I dont enjoy doing anything anymore, dread seeing my nieces. Just cant cope with trying to just survive each day.

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Old 11-07-2007, 07:07 PM   #5
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Aw, smile, they are arguing over your health because they care about you. I am so sorry that you are so depressed and feel like you aren't worth anything, but you are. There has to be something in this world that still gives you comfort. Think about who would be hurt the most if they knew you had committed suicide and then maybe try to talk to them. You deserve to be happy. I know you think you are worthless, but that is absolutely false. I care a great deal about what happens to you, or I wouldn't have posted. Please, you must realize that even though right now your life has little meaning, what about the future? What about tomorrow? You have the power to change things. You have to want to change things though. Please... I know that deep down inside of you, there's a little ray of light shining through, otherwise you wouldn't have came on here and told you what was bothering you. I know that deep down you want to hold on to this life, and there isn't anything wrong with that. you have to listen to that voice and hold on! Everyone here at RYL cares about what happens to you! We love you! *hugs* Please hold on.

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Old 11-07-2007, 07:08 PM   #6
Circle Of Fire
 
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*hugs you*

I really know what you mean abotu not wanting to see people. I get all pissy because i'm alone but then when peopel want to meet up me it just makes me so unhappy.

Is there any family you can see like your parents or any brothers and sisters? Or even just speaking to a few friends online? I find that seeing a farmiliar face every so often is quite a good thing, even if it makes me a little uncomfortable sometinms. Perhaps try meet up with a few friends just for a little while. if you dont feel its going well have an excuse to leave. Sometimes when i meet up with poepel i dont want to see that much i go to the movies so i can be with them, but not have to have too many conversations.


Another thing i do when i'm lonely is read or watch a movie because it makes me feel like i'm not so much alone.

As for your mental health what do you think is best? Perhaps in-patient would help you bcause it would put you in a different environment for a while with peopel who listen. Or perhaps if you dont wnat that then ask if you could do some more sessions of cbt or somethign like it.



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Old 11-07-2007, 07:14 PM   #7
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I havent seen my friends for a year and think that is going to continue, seeing them stresses me out with my social anxiety.

I cant get anymore cbt sessions, I started with 12 and now on my 15th with 5 more left. She is planning something long term for me, but hasnt disccussed it with me. I dont see her until tuesday and it seems a long time to wait. Which is stupid because when I have the appointment I dont know what to say.

I guess I just feel lonely, like no one realises how low I feel. I would tell my mum, but she would worry, I may go to the emergency out-patients tomorrow to see if I can increase my meds etc.

To be honest I would be scared to go as an in-patient, I dont like being watched, thats why I dont work, cant perform infront of people.

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