I know that when I am bad I can only deal with sealed food and drink that I have opened myself. If someone else prepares it or even opens it then I cannot eat it. So a sealed can of coke is ok but a cup of tea isn't. Do you think that if it's sealed e.g. a prepared sandwich you could eat it provided you open it?
I don't know if you are having visitors but could you ask your mum or nanny to bring some home cooking e.g. pasta? You don't seem to have a problem with their cooking so if you know only they have cooked it/touched it that it feels safe? Unless they have a food flask it will be cold but it's better than being forced with a ng tube.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
Beckie, I get what you're saying and I understand it's not the food itself but the issue is within your body.
However, at this point the larger issue is that you're in a psych hospital under a section, and they're threatening to force nutrition and fluids if you don't start eating and drinking on your own.
I'm REALLY glad you had another tea. I think you were right to trust staff that you will physically feel better in the long run for eating/drinking.
I guess my confusion right now is that you don't seem to think the contamination has gotten any better, and you haven't been eating/drinking. What makes you think you can trust the voices that what they are saying about how the contamination works is true? Because again, what you're saying about how it works has no physical or medical logic that I'm aware of, and it doesn't sound like in the past the voices have given you trustworthy advice. What makes you so sure that this information is accurate and can be trusted right now, when your situation otherwise seems to be saying very much the opposite?
I'm not trying to say I doubt your fear, distress, or that this is easy. I don't imagine it is. I guess I'm only wondering if at least any part of you can question right now whether the fears and information about the contamination are indeed reasonable, given that right now they seem to only be harming you, and not helping you or making the contamination better.
Also, if you do eat/drink and don't get a blood transfusion, what in theory would happen? What would being contaminated do/mean?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
If they're taking your blood every day surely they would notice if it was contaminated? I know that all of this must be so confusing and distressing and frustrating for you. At least keep going with the drinking when you can.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Sorry, I didn't mean to stress you out or scare you. It's okay if you're not up to handling certain things right now. I hope you can keep drinking, that sounds really good!
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Sorry for all the questions but, what symptoms do you have (if any) that would be out of the ordinary and worrying? Are you solely going on what the voices have said?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
What do you mean Lindsay?
Symptoms of contamination?
I'm feeling quite stressed out
Been looking for things to cut with but there is literally nothing. And I'm usually very good at finding things.
Had a shower to try and calm myself down
I want to throw things at the wall but I know I shouldn't do that
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Can you tell staff that you're feeling that way? Maybe they can help you come up with a safer way to release some stress/frustration? Or find you a stress ball or something you can chuck at the wall without getting in trouble lol!
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
They're all busy doing notes.
It's very nearly handover time
Could talk to night staff though
Im listening to very loud music and that is helping
I will ask for some lorazepam when the night staff come on
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Things have gone to shit a little bit.
I've collapsed twice so I am now on 1-1
The staff keep telling me that they are all very concerned
Saw a physical health nurse who told me I need to drink af least 6 glasses of water a day which seems totally impossible.
They keep telling me my organs will shut down.
I'm sick of this place.
I hate it.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I think you need to trust that the staff and physical nurse are right about what is going on with you physically and that the dangers and concerns are valid. It all matches up with things I've been told and seen as well, if that makes any difference (also referring to what's in your rv as well). I'm sorry things are not going well but I am glad they are trying to keep an eye on you.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
They're not bluffing, Beckie. They won't just let you starve yourself to death so you will definitely end up in hospital if you don't eat something soon. I know neither of those seem like good options but if you don't want to go to hospital, if you want them to leave you alone and if you want to go home you're going to have to give some food or water a try.
Last edited by nonperson : 07-01-2019 at 08:16 PM.
I don't think I'm going to hosptial now
But they did restrain me and inject me with some glucose type thing
I'm not letting them take my blood sugars now.
If they don't know what it is, they can't do this shit.
I am pissed.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I understand feeling pissed off. They are treating you for the things that they can see are not good for your well being at the moment. If they can't see what you think is wrong then they can only go on the tests that they have been doing.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
They can restrain you to do blood sugars if they feel it’s necessary. Ultimately, you have control over eating and drinking but that’s about it. I know that’s shit but it’s reality. You said the coke from paramedic was safe because you were in a medical hospital...you’d be in a medical hospital if you were to have infusions, so I’m a little confused. Perhaps you could help us understand? What does your mum think you should do?
