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Debate - Right or Wrong
Will try to mention every important event, and I will appreciate honest opinion on rightness or wrongness.
I have been with my husband 15 years, I am the 4th long relationship in his life, and so far I am the one that has been with him the longest. He is a difficult person.
When we met he said that he had no children, after a while of dating, he told me that when he was living with a girlfriend, he knew she has kids, but were living with the father until one day, the father dropped them to her stating “I can’t take care of four” is then that he decided to get married, to help raising this girls Nelly 6, Alicia 9
They move to Alaska, and work on the pipeline gone 3 to 6 weeks at the time, back home for a week, for many years, not much closeness to build a strong bond.
Raising them but not seen them grow day by day, 12 years past, the girls grew up and per the statement of one of them, looking forward to get away from home, both girls eloped at the age of 18, they left Alaska after the economic disaster of the 80’s.
He divorced the mother, and moved out, renting a room at her best friend’s house, Shelly, after couple months as a roommate, they end up together, they built a business, and stay together for 10 years. He left her for a worker at his factory. Was a bitter separation, with accusations of physical abuse, Shelly put him in jail. He said what he did was to hold her hand when she was trying to open the safety box to take the cash. Sour deal in court in which the younger girl, Nelly, testify against him. Shelly remain best friend of the ex-wife, this is the reason he continued seen the girls occasionally.
He married the ”factory worker”, Anna, painful marriage that lasted 2 years, during this marriage there was no contact with the girls, because Anna didn’t like them. This marriage left deep wounds, so deep that through the months he cried on my shoulder for the lost love, asking himself “Why the only time that he gave a woman everything, she left him”.
Neither one ever call him dad, they call him by his name, Rob. When he told me the story I brought them back together, and there were occasional phone calls 2-3 times a year.
Nelly lives in another state, and Alicia 450 miles from home. Every time Nelly called was to ask for a loan, loans that she never paid back, she has 2 daughters, Nelly put the oldest daughter Eugene in a private school for unknown reasons to me, a school that they couldn’t afford, of course was Rob the one paying a lump sum, to start and contribute $200 monthly for 2 years. According to Nelly other family members were helping to cover the expense.
I can’t understand why you will incur on an expense that is out of your budget, anyway they didn’t pay back any loan, but they will go on cruises or vacationing to Mexico. For several years I send presents for their birthdays and Christmas, never a thank you, until I decided to stop...
The Cherry on the top was when Eugene, the oldest “step granddaughter”, called Rob saying that college was offering a trip to Spain to analyze art, it sounded weird to me that a trip like this was in the middle of a quarter, no school plans that, usually are extracurricular activities during vacation time, anyway “arts” my b.. She went on a trip to Europe with the boyfriend. Thanks to social media Facebook, I found out, Rob was upset but didn’t last long.
If someone takes advantage of my husband, I take it personal, is like offending me.
My house has a little mother in law unit, which Rob used to rent it to my daughter, and of course she paid her rent every single month, he will not forgive anything related to money with me or someone else, only with the “ex-steps”. When my daughter move out per his request, regardless of the multiple ways she help us all the time, we agreed that nobody will live in that unit again until last year when Eugene started calling saying that she wanted to move to this state, Rob asked me to consider it, I said “NO”.
I called her and offered my help to find an apartment, and made it clear that moving with us was not an option, is then that she started yelling, insulting, and saying “Who you think you are”? I got so mad that I snapped and said “ME? I am his wife while you belong to the x-files….besides in your 23 years of age if you have seen him 10 times I am exaggerating.
She hang up, and of course her mother, Nelly, called Rob and left a nasty message, with crude words towards me, he made me listen to it. Since then I haven’t mention or ask about them.
Last week he mention “the girls are coming to town”, I said nothing until he wanted to have them at home. I said “over my dead body”, he respected my decision but was oblivious to the insults to me. He spend hours with them, and don’t doubt it that they got money also.
Is offending that he didn’t stand by me after their insults, and now he wants me to apologize to the ones that had deceive him over and over again. He insulted me over this matter, he moved to the spare room and threaten that I am going to lose him, if I don’t apologize to them, if I don’t fix the problem.
Am I right to be upset, do they owe me an apology, or I am at fault? Help me discern this matter please….. What do you think?
Should I stand on my position, or should I apologize?
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