Hi,
I am currently in Grade 12, or, more specifically 5th year. and for those of you who have not been following my old posts I have a girlfriend. (this all comes into play eventually).
Ok, so heres the story. Lately I have been feeling very stressed from the situations I have been put in, regarding College, and other things that I don't really want to go into (cause they don't have any real relevance to the problem) but I came home today, all stressed out, and I told my mom that I am getting a 35% in photography because I saved 1 (yes 1!) file wrong, and it just so happened to be worth about 42% of my mark, which I was not told about. so I explain it to my mom, and she gets all pissed off because of that. Then I explain to her about how in marketing I had to take down an assignment by myself, without the help of my group members because they didn't feel like it. That took about 1/2 the day to do.
And then I explain to her that I am thinking about going to Fanshawe college. Since my mom thinks that I am going to Conestoga because its closer, she completely rejected the idea. I didn't even get a chance to explain anything. Just "No". so I try and explain, and my mom asks if my girlfriend is going there too, and I said "I don't know, shes thinking about it" and thats when she hit the roof. She started yelling at me like there is no tomorrow. about how I only want to go there because shes going there (even tho thats not the case entirely, because I was thinking about going there before she told me she wanted to go there) and my mom didn't believe that I wanted to go before she said anything. and then she just continued ranting on about how "I can't be some body's little puppy my whole life" and that I am disappointing her.
Eventually she got to the point where she said "forget it! I don't even want to see you right now!" but, that was after she...strongly suggested that i go live with my girlfriend since I love her so much and that my world revolves around her. I actually really want to go right now, because I don't want to "dissapoint" her anymore.
right now, this is keeping me from SI, because right now, I am so on edge but I know I need to keep strong, but its really hard to keep away from my "tool box" (and I am sorry if this sounds petty to the people who have seriously bad issues. i have just never really encountered something like this before and I don't know what to do)
And P.S. to the people who say that I have my own will and I have to do what I want, it won't work. My mom has been saying that for years to my dad, and now she turns around and says that I don't. She pisses me off so much!
In the end, your an adult and you can make your own decisions. Obviously, I don't know your family, but you have two options:
1) Stay at your current college/uni
2)Transfer to that other college. Just make sure your doing it for the right reasons. If you do this, you'll get the "wrath of mom", but in the end its all about making you happy. If she's a good mom, then she'll understand in the end. And if she doesn't, then as harsh as this sounds, it would be wise to distance yourself from her.
you're growing up and letting your life evolve, leaving home, going to college, getting a girlfreind and so on and so on.
but to your mum you'll always be the little baby. you're her kid and she's raised you all these years. understandably, she's just having a little trouble letting it all go. She jus doesn't want you to move so far away, which would make visiting harder and stuff like that. she'd prefer you to be closer so she can see you more often and vice versa because of the ties she still has to you.
she doesnt actually intend to blame or hurt anyone, she's just lashing out because of fear and anger and so forth that once your gone your gone for good and she'll never see you again. one day it's a far off college, the next you've moved to the other side of the country and she only heard from you via telephone and email. probably not true, but fear is never rational.
None of that is your fault, it's a thing your mother has to try and work herself through. there's no gurantees she will. But you should always keep in mind that it's not your fault and nothing you're doing is personally causing it. yu have to make important decisions for yourself and some people aren't going to like or approve of them but that can't be avoided. you can't live your life tying to ake everyone else happy, it's the sure fire way to personal misery.
also; parent always love their kids. despite the feelings on the surface, deep down she does love you and is very proud of whatever you do.
Don't be fooled by my smooth skin. The deepest scars are the ones unseen.
Remember compliments you received, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how..~ Baz Lurhman.
Letting it get to you - You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now that's all that counts. ~ Doctor Who "The Doctors Wife" 06.November.2011
And your mum's only like this cos she cares for you.. so whatever decision you make, if you wind up happy and secure, she should be pleased for you!
xxxx
Sometimes I think parents are too quick to jump to the wrong conclusions - to pick the 'obvious' answer without considering that perhaps you *have* thought more deeply about it.
Maybe something to do would be to sit down with her and explain all the reasons *you* want to go there - completely leaving your girlfriend out of it. I think she's angry because she thinks you're 'downgrading' for the sake of being with your girlfriend, but I think if you can prove to her that what you're doing is for your own benefit, she'll feel happier about it all.
thanks for all the replies. That night we go into an even worse fight, and she ended up trying to kick me out. I got real upset and we tried to work things out. so I am still at home, but she agrees that we don't get along anymore. I do agree with what all of you said though, and thank you
