Well, this month has been a clusterf***

null_n_void · 30-10-2018, 12:47 AM

Never thought I'd be back here... kinda glad I am

(Apologies for any errors on this post, typing on a mobile isn't something that I'm used to)

So, I was doing quite well. Hadn't self harmed in 2 years,
Feeling great, good job, everything was fine. Then, in the space of one month, my life dropped 10 tonnes of crap on me. My wife left me and moved her new boyfriend in, I lost my job, my home, my friends and everything else.

I'm now back in Newcastle with pretty much nothing. I lost everything and am now trying and failing to rebuild my life. I'm 34 and have zero confidence and hope left.

Seriously don't think things are going to be better. I don't know who to trust anymore and I don't understand anything anymore. Can't cry myself to sleep anymore. I don't have anything left.

I'm scared

null_n_void · 01-11-2018, 12:13 AM

Sorry... I shouldn't have said anything. Just makes it all worse. Just don't know if I can go on like this much longer.

HopeRises · 01-11-2018, 12:26 AM

Hey, I just wanted to say I remember you and that RYL is definitely not as busy as it was back in the day so sorry its taken so long for you to get a reply.

I am sorry to hear about what has happened. It's ok to be scared and hurting but it won't last forever. Is there any support for you right now?

null_n_void · 01-11-2018, 12:29 AM

I don't have anyone

null_n_void · 08-11-2018, 11:25 PM

I feel like I'm spiralling out... the urges to cut have got so much worse and I don't have anyone offline to talk to. I'm trying seriously hard to find a reason to wake up everyday and I cannot seem to find one. I'm too old to go to an RYL Meet up so, making friends who don't care about my problems is out of the question (I know I'm only 34 but still...). I don't know what I'm going to do.

I hate this... i hate this... I hate this

nonperson · 09-11-2018, 11:10 AM

Hi. I understand the feeling of isolation when it comes to talking to people about this stuff. Also something similar to what you wrote in your original post happened to me a couple of years ago... so I know it sucks. What do you think you're too old for? I'm also 34 and most people on RYL are older now.

yoyogirl · 15-11-2018, 04:19 PM

I am sorry to hear this has all happened, how are things now with life? A similar experience happened to me after the initial breakdown. i actually had found trying to fix my life was actually was keeping me in the same cycle. So I used the time had to focus on gaming, hobbiess and going online and making the most of friends I had back then and it was also a time when although i was dark place, i let myself do what my body and mind wanted to do and then making tiny incy wincy changes and actually found being quieter stress-free enviornment was actually helping me.

So what I am saying is let yourself, do what you you like and remember that you've been through a lot and probably need that space where you don't think about stuff in life..