Not coping *assault*

LittleCloud · 08-09-2013, 03:22 PM

Sooooo... three weeks ago tomorrow I came home from a long weekend away to hear that my 9 year old nephew had been held against a wall by his neck by his father. My sister in law decided he wanted to get her son away from his dad so my partner traveled to get him and found them both couch-hopping after apparently being kicked out of their house 3months before which was the first we'd heard of it. I love my nephew, so no problems there- but as soon as he got here we saw signs of abuse. Excessive nervousness- he sat sucking on a clothes peg for over two hrs; nervousness when asked to do things and excessive nervousness when he forgot or got things wrong; signs of physical anxiety- vomiting, head and stomach aches; loss of balance- although we have since had reason to wonder if this might not have been drug detox as the symptoms tended to appear within a certain amount of time of his mum being absent and she also showed signs of drug use; and excessive nervousness and trouble sleeping at night- he asked me to set an alarm for 3:00am and wouldn't tell me why but got extremely nervous; he also showed a lot of anxiety around his mum, protected her excessively and seemed so sad and confused that he couldn't please her. My partner and I confronted his mum when she traveled to join us she broke down and admitted the possibility of it all... but the next day she was totally in denial. She also has bipolar and borderline personality and as a couple of days passed we could see she was in some kind of psychosis/mania. She set fire to tarot cards on our lawn, slept erratically, shouted at her son for little or no reason and made no attempt to really do anything needed such as cook, clean, and her moods were all over the place. After trying to support her to get help for several days and getting no response we had to report our nephew to child protection who basically said they wouldn't come take him straight away because he was safe with us. That was Friday last week... child protection said they would open the case Monday BUT Sunday afternoon my nephew let it slip that his mum planned on running with him the next day. After consulting with the police we kept our nephew with us while our sister in law got increasingly amped up. At 12:30 after having many abusive phonecalls we went to the police station. My sister in law came in and was going bonkers at us- and not lucid at all. The police took her to a separate area- we basically said under the conditions we didn't want her going back to our house to get her things without the police and us as we thought her likely to steal or damage- but the police kept us and she was back there before we were packing her car. We called the police and they got her out- a friend of ours was involved in what she was doing too. Monday we went to the police and then to child protection but by this our nephew and his mum- but neither my partner or I were interviewed. My nephew was given back to his mum... that afternoon friends who saw him swore he was drugged in some way as his face was totally blank- total change from the panic and not being able to walk that morning and not in a good way. Following this my sis in law has been increasingly abusive, we've had the police around to help her get some things in which time she was verbally abusive but Friday she came without her son. I arrived home from work to find her there screaming at my partner who told me to ring the police. On exiting the house after that I heard my partner shout "get away from our dog". I ran towards the veranda where our dog was and my sister and I came at me screaming and punching. I put my arm out to block, but she hit me several times in the head before my partner and I could restrain her to get her to stop; She also tried to hit me with a ceramic bown, which my partner got away from her. I ran for our neighbours house and he followed me back around when we found her trying to throw her things over the fence. By this time I had a cut on my face bleeding and basically we just needed the police really badly so I jammed myself against the gate and she hit me several more times... the police arrived and first HELPED her get her stuff out. She eventually admitted to assault although she first tried to pin on us that we had assaulted her (though neither of us hit, we only restrained her for a couple of mins for our own safety)... we spent the next few hours at the police station and they photographed the bruises, took statements and issued an apprehended violence order... Two days later, the bruises have darkened, I've been pretty sore, but I'm not coping so well. I don't know whether my nephew is safe- although I know he is with her... I feel so constantly on edge, am having flashbacks and my eating which hasn't been great has gotten worse. I've lost a noticeable amount of weight. Yesterday I went to work which I love with all my heart and today I played soccer, but at night and when I am not doing things I feel scared... I know that if I go back to the women's centre tomorrow- who have been one of the ONLY organisations who have helped us find out anything about our nephew... but I don't know. The court hearing on the AVO is next Monday. I am so, so tired... We have tried so hard to help our nephew, but now we are drawing a total blank... I feel so lost

freelyXfighting · 08-09-2013, 09:26 PM

i'm so sorry to hear what has been going on.
i dont even know what to say but my heart goes out to you, your partner and your nephew. (((hug)))

LittleCloud · 09-09-2013, 03:28 PM

Thanks everyone. Just do't know where to go from here... in a week my sister in law is due in court next Monday and I don't know what will really happen. I've never been through this before... and I have heard that my sister in law is leaving town for Sydney again tomorrow so I don't know if she'll actually attend. I am also very frightened for my nephew. I feel like this might be our last chance to really help... he has spoken about suicide and I know that his mother will not allow him to see a counsellor.
On top of this, eating feels so impossible-I feel like such a failure, but I cant.... I am supposed to have the dietitian tomorrow which I am going to have to cancel and a counselling appointment with Kim... I feel so hopeless... part of me says that I'm even failing at this- I eat too much to deserve help. Any change to my planned food for a meal leaves me trembling. I feel so f***ed up and weak... my head tells me I deserve all of this... I feel so constantly exhausted, yet panic strikes without any warning. I am considering getting a food supplement- Ensure to try help me maintain weight, but any thought of change is more than I can cope with. I can't see a way through.... I don't know the way at all.... I'm sorry for my stupid rambling

"Again" Flyleaf

I love the way that your heart breaks
With every injustice and deadly fate
Praying it all will be new
And living like it all depends on you

Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
I love you please see and believe again

Love that you're never satisfied
With face value wisdom and happy lies
You take what they say and go back and cry
You're so close to me that you nearly died

Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
I love you please see and believe again

They don't have to understand you
Be still
Wait and know I understand you
Be still
Be still
Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
The floodgates are breaking and pouring out

Here you are down on your knees
Trying to find air to breathe
Right where I want you to be again
I love you please see and believe again

Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
Right where I want you to be again
See and believe!

LittleCloud · 10-09-2013, 01:31 PM

Bruises keep appearing... my legs, breasts, arms seem to be covered in them. I jump at the smallest provocation and I am exhausted, but eating is so hard. I cannot make a decision- under duress S and I bought dinner out after reporting the latest info to the police, and otherwise dried fruit and salt and vinegar rice crackers with avocado have mostly been the order of the day. I am struggling with thoughts- whether to restrict more and drop to a lower weight or to attempt to practice some kind of self-care. So much of myself feels I deserve nothing... Kim and I worked with this. I also found out that she is one of the Victim's Compensation counsellors which I have been thinking of applying for. The flashbacks and random panic; the jumping at every touch; the constant exhaustion and vigilance- I am not coping so well and it is such a struggle within to seek any kind of support. I feel like I deserve nothing

After talking with Kim and a long sleep I feel totally numb. There might be some victories, Kim is right- I haven't SI'ed, no matter how much I want to and do make myself eat something. I did some gardening and cleaning in my house before sleeping- my house is finally starting to feel clean after she touched everything; maybe when the bruises fade I will feel the same. I don't want to eat tomorrow, but I'll try...