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Old 08-08-2020, 06:00 PM   #1
chinahorse
 
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Done my coping mechanisms now what?

Overwhelmed. Stressed. And badly need and want to burn again. But I cant today for reasons.

I do not think theres a way forward or a life for me.

Theres so much pressure.

I keep arranging to see people and do nice things with them and by myself. It's making no difference. I don't ow the last time I felt ok.

I've done distraction, I've done cleaning, I've done lists, I made my dad come over so I spent time with someone. We walked tothe pub so that's exercise. I've showered once and probably will again. I've eaten fruit. I've hydrated. I dont know what else there is.

I need to get through today



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 08-08-2020, 10:15 PM   #2
Moonlight Princess
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Props for working so hard Lillie. Does getting through til 9 mean you can go to bed now and snuggle up with Bertie or do you still have some time you need to get through?



Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.


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Old 08-08-2020, 10:50 PM   #3
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I hope you are safe sending out my good hopes for you <3

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Old 15-08-2020, 05:15 PM   #4
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sending you lots of hugs



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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Old 17-08-2020, 04:43 PM   #5
one_step_closer
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That's good self caring, well done. How are you now?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 17-08-2020, 08:13 PM   #6
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We are available if you wanna talk



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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Old 18-08-2020, 05:13 PM   #7
EyelinerAndCigarettes
 
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How are you feeling sweetheart?

x







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Old 22-08-2020, 05:55 AM   #8
Buttons.
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Thinking of you x



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 22-08-2020, 05:48 PM   #9
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Hey Lillie, how are things..? You've not been around for a few days.

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Old 23-08-2020, 08:01 PM   #10
chinahorse
 
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Hi.
Things are rough mostly.
Work is physically demanding and exhausting.
Mental health is poor.
I'm isolating on purpose because people are hard.
I'm pulled in different directions and hugely overwhelmed.
Feel incredibly harshly alone. It's better. But it hurts.
Been ill all weekend with a migraine because of work.
I dont feel seen or heard.
I am a bad friend.
I am an evil person.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 23-08-2020, 08:58 PM   #11
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I can understand how people and work can be difficult and wish I knew the answers for you.

If it's even the smallest consolation, we hear you. You're not an evil person.

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Old 31-08-2020, 10:21 PM   #12
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Been reading ur posts for a while i dont know u but u sound lovely to me i hope things really do get better soon

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Old 01-09-2020, 12:29 AM   #13
Unbreakable.
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How are you doing? <3





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Old 01-09-2020, 07:54 AM   #14
chinahorse
 
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Thank you so much for asking. You dont know how much that means right now <3

Thing are intense and overwhelming and unmanageable. I can cope by cutting a lot and purging a lot and just keeping going. But I'm struggling. Most of my normal avenues of support arent open or are leaning heavily on me for support instead.

It's a bad month. And dates and I will have someone staying in my house which is fine because she needs it and I want to be there for her but it means self harm will have to be done in secret and that's another pressure.

Everyone bar 2 people I've spoken to about feeling under insane pressure has dismissed it. Said I'm doing fine. And I am. I suppose.

Urgh. Rambling. Sorey.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 01-09-2020, 01:45 PM   #15
Unbreakable.
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I hear you, Lillie ❤

Things sound tough and hard and even more challenging than usual.

Do you think you'd be able to set some boundaries with people who are leaning on you for support?
There's a reason they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.

If people tell you you're doing fine maybe just directly ask them why they think that to get an idea of how to communicate that you are not fine at all.

Keep talking.
We will listen to you and hear you.





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Old 02-09-2020, 10:12 AM   #16
chinahorse
 
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I walked out in front of a bus. It had to do an emergency stop. I said sorry I wasnt looking but I was.

I just want to give up. Theres no hope for my life ever being tolerable.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 03-09-2020, 10:26 PM   #17
Unbreakable.
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That sounds really serious.
Is your team aware at all? Are they doing or offering anything?

Love you <3





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Old 04-09-2020, 04:18 AM   #18
EyelinerAndCigarettes
 
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Sending loves







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Old 04-09-2020, 09:33 AM   #19
chinahorse
 
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What team? New cpn hasnt contacted me since before I started work. And the therapy guy isnt offering any support. It's just in the assessment stage.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 04-09-2020, 11:01 AM   #20
Unbreakable.
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Jesus.
What the actual f*ck!!!

Do you have access to Crisis Team?
I think they've been helpful before?





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