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Old 10-11-2016, 09:45 PM   #1
HildaOgden
 
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Scared

I've got the on call psych and an out of hours cpn coming in 15mins
I'm scared
I saw a GP this afternoon and disclosed something and now I wish I hadn't
I'm scared they'll want me to go into hospital
I just can't
My Mum only went on holiday this morning. She'd be devastated if I ended up in hospital.

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Old 10-11-2016, 10:04 PM   #2
Cacoethes
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Hey. I'm sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment. Well done for being honest with your doctor though, that can't have been easy.
I know how you feel in regards to your mum. I often get worried that she'll be devastated that I'm back in hospital but it always turns out that she's just glad I'm safe. I'm sure your mum will be glad you are safe too.

Good luck with the psych and out of hours team. I hope it goes ok and hopefully they'll be able to think of a solution, it doesn't always have to end in hospital.
Xxx



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Old 10-11-2016, 11:02 PM   #3
HildaOgden
 
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thanks Beckie
it was two docs and a social worker in the end. one of which was a psych who is the boss of my psych
it went ok and i don't have to go to hospital
i think the gp i saw this afternoon just panicked with what i told him
i've taken the diazepam and i think i'll be ok
the social worker is going to fax my care co and get him to see me tomorrow
that should be interesting because my care co is not exactly reliable
i actually don't feel very good
yes, mum's are worriers aren't they but i guess like you say, mum would just want me to be safe
i've said i'll go to a & e if i feel worse
got things planned this weekend with my niece and nephew don't want to let them down
thanks again beckie

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Old 11-11-2016, 12:48 AM   #4
HildaOgden
 
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I'm not feeling good
I really don't have much confidence in my social worker
I'm not convinced he will see me tomorrow as the social worker tonight suggested he should

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Old 11-11-2016, 08:08 AM   #5
HildaOgden
 
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I've done something to try and get rid of the micro chip
but I've not done a very good job of it
and now my head looks a mess
I'm going to try and make an appointment with my usual GP this morning
try and get something stronger than the diazepam
I had like 2 hours sleep
I'm really battling not to cut the contamination out of me
I'm scared
Command are being really loud and I feel like they are in control of me

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Old 11-11-2016, 09:06 AM   #6
[Luna]
 
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Oh love, I'm so sorry things have got so hard. It all sounds so scary.
Have you managed to make an appointment?
x

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Old 11-11-2016, 10:15 AM   #7
HildaOgden
 
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Thanks Luna.
I've got an appointment at 9.40. I hope he can help
I just don't want to end up in hospital
I've got a beanie hat on to cover up the mess I've made.
I wish I had more confidence in my social worker

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Old 11-11-2016, 10:18 AM   #8
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Do you think you can keep yourself safe outside of hospital though love?
Let us know how it goes with the doctor. How are you feeling about the appointment?
Will be thinking of you <3

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Old 11-11-2016, 11:37 AM   #9
HildaOgden
 
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I don't feel safe
My GP was good, said to double dose of diazepam
He said wait for call from social worker and get help over the weekend
I told him I didn't have confidence in my social worker
I don't think he'll call
He's effing useless
I've come home and taken the double dose of diazepam
but Command are saying I should cut to get rid of the contamination and get rid of the micro chip
I really don't want to cut but I don't feel I have a choice
the mess I made of my head isn't that bad. my gp checked it and it doesn't need stitches
If I can make it through the weekend that will be good

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Old 11-11-2016, 01:03 PM   #10
HildaOgden
 
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I tried to cut the contamination out
At AnE

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Old 11-11-2016, 01:40 PM   #11
Cacoethes
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Things sound really scary for you.
I'm glad you were able to see you gp.

I hope it goes ok at A&E. Maybe you could ask to see htt or the duty team or something.
A bit of extra support might be helpful



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 11-11-2016, 02:23 PM   #12
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Thinking of you. I hope they treat you well in a&e, well done for going!
xx

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Old 11-11-2016, 03:11 PM   #13
HildaOgden
 
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I was seen pretty quickly by a medical doctor and he stitched me up.
I've got a sling to keep my arm up to stop the bleeding.
Just in the quiet room waiting for crisis team.
The doctor was nice.
Thanks Beckie & Luna
I'm scared command are saying it's not enough

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Old 11-11-2016, 03:30 PM   #14
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Im really sorry you're struggling. Sounds like a real tough time. What do you think will help to support you over the weekend? A bit more support is definitely what you probably need right now.



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Old 11-11-2016, 03:59 PM   #15
HildaOgden
 
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thanks firefly

I'm back home. Only saw the crisis team for a couple of minutes as they've spoken to my social worker and he's coming to see me at home between 4 and 5 this afternoon.

I don't know if I'll be able to have HTT. Never really worked for me before.

I've got a few things to do over the weekend like looking after my nephew tomorrow afternoon and then babysitting niece and nephew sunday evening

Command voice is saying I need to cut my other arm to get rid of the contamination further

I could really do with something stronger than diazepam but my gp didn't seem forthcoming this morning

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Old 11-11-2016, 04:23 PM   #16
Cacoethes
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Hope your social worker is helpful.

It sounds like you've got a good weekend planned. It helps to stay distracted.

Is there anything you can do to block out the voice? Like listen to music?



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 11-11-2016, 04:48 PM   #17
HildaOgden
 
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yes, distraction is good
I have been listening to music and it does help
I slept so badly last night. got to sleep at 4am and woke up at 6am.
Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight and things will be better tomorrow plus the things I've got planned for weekend should help too
thanks Beckie

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Old 11-11-2016, 05:09 PM   #18
Cacoethes
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Try and get an early night tonight. Things always seem so much more intense when you're running on such little sleep. X



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 11-11-2016, 05:59 PM   #19
HildaOgden
 
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Yes, I will go to bed early tonight.
Social worker is late.
I am trying to get something stronger than diazepam from my GP but he's in surgery & it's getting late.

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Old 11-11-2016, 06:11 PM   #20
Cacoethes
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Could you try a different GP?



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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