I have been abused as a child and an adult. I can just about justify the childhood abuse but I blame myself heavily for the adult abuse. Now you suffered childhood abuse and NO child can ever be to blame for the abuse they suffered whether they said no or not, whether they fought back or not or whether they told someone or not. You were a child.
And I'm sorry to burst your bubble but this is real, what you are feeling is real, your thoughts are real. I don't think you could hurt any more than you already have been.
You are brave and if you ever want to PM me thats fine :)
Have or try and find some compassion to the hurting child within you, it doesn't deserve any more hurt. Look after yourself as best you can. Try and eat enough, drink enough, get enough sleep, that sort of thing. x
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
I have been abused as a child and an adult. I can just about justify the childhood abuse but I blame myself heavily for the adult abuse. Now you suffered childhood abuse and NO child can ever be to blame for the abuse they suffered whether they said no or not, whether they fought back or not or whether they told someone or not. You were a child.
And I'm sorry to burst your bubble but this is real, what you are feeling is real, your thoughts are real. I don't think you could hurt any more than you already have been.
You are brave and if you ever want to PM me thats fine :)
Have or try and find some compassion to the hurting child within you, it doesn't deserve any more hurt. Look after yourself as best you can. Try and eat enough, drink enough, get enough sleep, that sort of thing. x
He sexually and phsically abused me from age 11 until 25 (five years ago) and still emotionally abuses me now..
I could cope with the physical paim but this...this is hard... I feel so depressed every day and I feel so ugly and disgusting.... sorry for bothering you x
Hi Lucy-is that what you like to be called? Just wanted to say we are here and are listening and nothing you say at all will make us think badly of you.
A lot of us have been through different abuse and so we understand your thoughts and feelings that you are having and actually it is perfectly understandable for you to be feeling this way.
It is not your fault any of it as much as you don't believe that and I know you don't because I don't believe it of my own situation,I think it takes a long time to get to the point you can realise this but I try to tell myself if it was another child or adult saying these things to me would I blame them or would I blame the person that did it?
One day I hope to connect these thoughts to myself and realise i wasn't to blame but like you i am not there yet :(
Write whatever you like here we don't judge x
"And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off."
Hi Lucy-is that what you like to be called? Just wanted to say we are here and are listening and nothing you say at all will make us think badly of you.
A lot of us have been through different abuse and so we understand your thoughts and feelings that you are having and actually it is perfectly understandable for you to be feeling this way.
It is not your fault any of it as much as you don't believe that and I know you don't because I don't believe it of my own situation,I think it takes a long time to get to the point you can realise this but I try to tell myself if it was another child or adult saying these things to me would I blame them or would I blame the person that did it?
One day I hope to connect these thoughts to myself and realise i wasn't to blame but like you i am not there yet :(
Write whatever you like here we don't judge x
Hello,
Thank you for your reply. Yes Lucy is fine.
I know when I talk to others who have been abused I always tell them it wasn't their fault.... I mean it wasn't.
So why can't I see it about myself?
I am trying but the pain hurts too much as soon as I start to think maybe it wasn't my fault....
And I am so ashamed and feel disgusting.
I am so muddled up and have never shared my experience with others... I don't want to burden anyone.
I struggle to see it for myself as well. I would never see a child who has been abused as the one at fault. It is harder to see it for yourself, there is a need to justify it, to make it ok in your head. If there was something that you had done you could make a conscious decision not to do that anymore. But it wasn't it was in no way your fault, nothing you did made all that happen to you. I hope that makes sense. Ii have never really dealt with my abuse to any real degree, my brain just shuts down when im asked to think about it.
You need to find an outlet for all the emotion that is in you thats not self harm. Writing out what happened to you may help you to process it. Im not saying write it as a post. If you are comfortable post it but you could just write it out anywhere just to vent.
I struggle to see it for myself as well. I would never see a child who has been abused as the one at fault. It is harder to see it for yourself, there is a need to justify it, to make it ok in your head. If there was something that you had done you could make a conscious decision not to do that anymore. But it wasn't it was in no way your fault, nothing you did made all that happen to you. I hope that makes sense. Ii have never really dealt with my abuse to any real degree, my brain just shuts down when im asked to think about it.
You need to find an outlet for all the emotion that is in you thats not self harm. Writing out what happened to you may help you to process it. Im not saying write it as a post. If you are comfortable post it but you could just write it out anywhere just to vent.
Thank you for your reply...
Blaming myself means it hurts less. It is justifiable.
If it isn't my fault then it hurts so much more and I am so afraid...
*hugs* Lucy, you're not alone at all and you're so much stronger than you think just to get this far. It's a heavy burden to carry. Hearing you and sending love
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
