when finances affect your relationship
my partner and I always said money shouldn't be an object in a relationship. We share everything, and help each other out when one is better or worse off than the other.
We have both had our share of financial difficulties.
Now though, I am starting to get annoyed.
She is in debt, and owes me a lot of money yet I don't see her seeing responsibility for that and trying to set herself a budget. She just spends until it is gone and it goes really quickly because she's not careful.
I at time, can be financially slack, but I always manage to budget it.
She knows she is bad at this stuff, and said I can do her budgeting for her, and hold her card. - but I don't want to feel like I'm financially nannying her.
I'm going to stop offering to pay up every time she has overspent, because it's a topic that we can't talk about. Last time we did, she overdosed.
She reacts very extremely to money worries, and is very sensitive of criticism or help. She won't even let me help her with her money because she is secretive about her outgoings and stuff. I don't shout at her for it, so I don't know why she is like that.
Maybe she's ashamed of she knows I will "talk" about it with her, but because she is secretive i find out when she's in the ****, and then obviously its a lot more stressful and she expects me to listen to her whinge about how unfair it is that she's in this situation - when the only person getting her into the situation she is in is herself.
She isn't even honest with herself She makes out as if some outgoings have taken up all the money, like printing at uni. But she doesn't try a more cost effective way of managing her work, like printing at home. Or not printing every piece of research because they're never all relevant.
I'm finding it really hard to not be frustrated and it's making me want to be selfish and stop sharing and buying her things because I'm annoyed. I also don't like feeling like I HAVE to buy her a treat every time I get myself some chocolate for example, or a sandwich: but I do and it's making me angry because I want to buy her treats because I want to, not because I feel I have to and am worried about the upset it will cause if I don't.
I don't want to keep all my money to myself, but I need to pay exam fees and I'm stressing. My budget keeps getting screwed up because I keep having to lend 40 or 50 here and there, which throws my budget off completely.
ANd I've gone without for a long time because of her money stress about talking about it at all, for years we didn't work it out properly and I had to struggle. And now she has the money to budget a little bit, she's not at all.
I'm starting to get angry because it's a festering problems that has brewed for a while now and I don't know how to solve it when she won't talk to me about it properly and work *with* me to work out *our* budgets.
I'm inclined to stop helping her, but I will find it difficult to watch her getting into a spiral and will inevitably forfeit everything I have so she can get out of that again.
I'm getting angry about it inside. and now I'm going to be really stressed about paying my exam fees when it shouldn't be an issue because she owes me £700+ since august.
and my fees are only £100, but now I'm going to be stressing because it is christmas and I paid for our christmas travel and she hasn't mentioned once about paying me back. And from how she has been spending i have no idea how she's even going to eat next week except from me buying her food, never mind paying me back £60.