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Old 19-10-2014, 10:53 PM   #1
Uglyducklin
 
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Intrusive Thoughts Ed/Abuse Trigger Warning

I'm sorry to post this but I'm really scared by my mind. I'm terrified I'm trapped in my Fat body Im scared I'm trapped I can't lose weight. I think I'm a monster. I don't know how to deal with these intrusive thoughts they are really violent towards myself and the images from my past in my head. I need to get away from the FAT in my body. I need to hurt myself. Sorry I'm making no sense.

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Old 19-10-2014, 11:09 PM   #2
Ballerina123
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What exactly is wrong with fat?
Fat doesn't make someone bad.
Maybe you need to try and change the way you think about about what the word fat mean and the thoughts may not seem as bad.



The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.


Call me Kate.

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Old 21-10-2014, 10:16 PM   #3
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It makes me bad. It takes away my control and dehumanises me. I'm a fat monster. I am dirty and vile the fat feels like it will suffocate me. It feels like it feeds the evil. Im starting feel scared people tell me I'm not a monster but im worried they just can't see it. I'm scared I'm stuck and hiding some vile truth. I need to stop eating the stress of doing it is making me dissociate but I had to get those thoughts out my mind. I think I'm losing it sorry.

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Old 22-10-2014, 02:47 PM   #4
jessmarie123
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I hate to admit it, but losing weight isn't going to fix the problem. Even though I'm sure you're not fat, there are plenty of worse things to be than fat. Not eating will just feed the pain and the self hate and the evil. Having some fat on your body makes you healthy. In the end, accepting your body and loving yourself (with a certain amount of fat on your body) will allow you to live your life and be happy. You're amazing no matter what your body looks like.
Please eat. I promise you'll be okay. Don't let those ED voices get the best of you. They're irrational and weak. You can do it. You are enough. Hang in there and stay strong.

"You are not your cellulite, you are your inner light."




Staying Strong and fighting battles everyday<3
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Old 22-10-2014, 09:36 PM   #5
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Thank you it means a lot . I don't know I'm sitting on a lot. I'm scared the fat won't come off. I went to hurt earlier but mum caught me. I don't know what to do. I feel so destructive and scared.

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Old 22-10-2014, 09:43 PM   #6
Serendipity.
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What bothers you so much about being fat? You're not, but what if you were? Why would it matter so much?

Is there anything that usually helps you feel a bit better? Sometimes doing something soothing for yourself can help when you're feeling so distressed.



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


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Old 25-10-2014, 09:55 PM   #7
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I just can't stand it. I feel terrified of my own mind and body. My thoughts are getting darker and I'm scared. I'm frightened there is no way out. So much is going on and I should feel grateful but I'm too terrified and stuck. I'm struggling to distract but it's getting harder. I should be getting over my abuse but instead I still feel terrified and overwhelmed. I'm sorry I'm making no sense.

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Old 27-10-2014, 10:30 AM   #8
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I'm sorry I'm fat and im terrified. Nothing makes sense. I'm feeding the evil and it has to stop. I'm scared to admit my thoughts. I feel like I'm drowning. I don't recognise my body anymore. The flashbacks wash over me . I feel mad and unreal. Please help. I'm not seeing my eating disorders nurse until Thursday . I'm becoming undone and drowning. Im so scared to say what's happening. I'm an embarrassment I'm wandering the streets crying my mum is ashamed but if I waited until I wouldn't cry I'd never leave the house . I feel fat and overtaken. Please help. I'm sorry I shouldn't post.

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Old 30-10-2014, 06:59 PM   #9
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I'm scared I can't see a way out I am a fat freak and genuinely I think not human or normal. I will never be thin again. I feel like I'm falling apart and im trying to be brave and say what is in my head but instead im told im not its normal im healing. For ****s sake I have plans in my head and my mind feels dark. I'm trying to reach out but I'm drowning. I'm sorry I'm making no sense.

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Old 30-10-2014, 07:08 PM   #10
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Did you see your ED nurse today? Did you tell them how distressed all of these thoughts are making you?



In my dreams I slew the dragon


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Old 30-10-2014, 07:55 PM   #11
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Yes I tried all she said was isim not falling apart I'm healing. I want to talk to my mum but all she says is look at the positives. Im sorry to be melodramatic but it hurts. I'm trying I just wish it would stop. I'm so sorry. X

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Old 10-11-2014, 11:52 AM   #12
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I am a ashamed so ashamed of my body and its failure to lose weight. It is all my fault. My thoughts are getting worse I think m evil and nobody can see it I have made so many mistakes. These intrusive thoughts about being damaged and my fears that my abuses violence lives on me. I nearly took an overdose on Sunday but I'm too ashamed to admit this to someone in real life. Ian fat so scared I'm stuck in this body that has been overtaken so many times. I'm sorry I'm at a loss.

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Old 10-11-2014, 12:34 PM   #13
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Can you look at some of these thoughts with a little more compassion for yourself? What are the alternatives to you being evil? (Even if you don't fully believe them)

If no one else can see that you are evil is there a possibility that you thoughts are lying to you?



In my dreams I slew the dragon


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Old 10-11-2014, 12:38 PM   #14
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Jessie- I am low on words but hear the struggle. I get the thoughts too. Do you still have the support of your ED nurse?
Sending you love



So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn

Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics



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Old 14-11-2014, 10:50 PM   #15
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I'm too fat to speak and should not be posting but I wanted thank you x

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Old 14-11-2014, 11:13 PM   #16
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I'm sorry things feel so horrible for you.
It sounds like the thoughts around the abuse are very prominent and scary. Would there be an opportunity to work on the memories in therapy? It sounds like the negative thoughts you have about yourself stem from the trauma.

You can post here whenever you need, we don't share the horrible things you feel about yourself.
Thinking of you xx

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