Triggering (SI) - Hey. Sorry I haven't been here in a while.
But, right now I just need someone to talk to. I don't know how to ask the real people in my life for help.
I cut myself up good tonight. I feels so good, but I feel so guilty, and I really want to talk to my friend, but it's mothers day and I don't want to ruin her day cause her husband and kids are making her dinner. On Friday night she wanted to see my arms, but I didn't let her. I trust her so much that she's the only person I've told about my cutting... willingly, so I don't know why I didn't show her. I want there to be no secrets between us. *sigh*
But right now. The way I'm feeling. I don't even want to see tomorrow. I want to jump of my balcony. I'm not going to. Suicide is something I would never do. But yeah. I have to go to uni tomorrow. I only have 3 weeks left this trimester, but I just don't give a ****.
Hi.
I know how you are feeling and so unfortunately I'm not in the best advice-giving state right now, but I will listen.
Can you talk to your friend in a few days' time? It's good that you have someone who knows about the cutting and can give you some support.
I have to go to uni for an 8am lecture tomorrow :'( so i can sympathise there, lol. Semester is nearly up, just keep focusing on that. My exams are over on the 13th of June so I'm sure yours are similar and then we can chill out for a while...yay!
Take care
Last edited by effervescence : 11-05-2008 at 08:37 AM.
Reason: spelling
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
I should do that. Talk to her tomorrow or Tuesday. I just don't want her to get angry cause I didn't talk to her like now.
Eeep, an 8am lecture? Crappy. I have to commute so even though it's a 9 lecture I still have to be on the 7 train. :( (and I have to wake my friend up) What uni are you at?
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
hey honey how are you now?
about showing the cuts, i think a lot of us find our wounds and whatnot to be really private and have a lot of trouble showing people. it's also hard because at least for me i dont want to gross people out or make them worry and it seems less real, like less serious, if nobody sees it but me? i just wanted to say that it's normal to not want to show them so dont feel bad or anything - also you shouldnt be pushed into opening up if you aren't ready yet.
you know, i think that you do want to see tomorrow and do want to be here, or at least a part of you does. sure there is a part of you that is ill right now and just wants the pain to stop, but the real you is a fighter and wants to beat this and get your life back and have fun and that is the part of you that told your friend and that comes on here and shares things and posts and reaches out asking for advice. listen to that part, hun. good luck with finishing up the trimester!
xxxooo callie
I did end up showing her. Well I we were talking and I kinda just shoved my arm out and she rolled up my sleeves herself, but she didn't react the way I though she would, which is good. And when she saw my other arm with the fresh cuts she was just like "oh, hunny" and kissed them.
We've had a good long chat, and I'm feeling better about most things, which is helpful =)
I'm glad it went well too! She has doctor connections so she was all "I will get you help, if you want it" so she's totally supportive. :)
I'm in Wellington. Good ol' Vic Uni. And today I just found out that this week is my last full week of lectures and stuff!So while I'm gonna be stressing with assignments (if I can be bothered doing them) I won't have to stress about getting up at 5.30 every morning to get to a 9am lecture. w00t
