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Old 19-02-2020, 11:24 PM   #101
Cacoethes
ˇViva la Revolución!
 
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Thank you

I was found at the train station so the police and ambulance were called.
I'm on a ward now. Out of area.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 19-02-2020, 11:51 PM   #102
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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I’ll leave Beckie to explain as don’t know what is okay to say or not but felt strongly she needed some RYL love so please leave love hugs and all that fluff here please.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 19-02-2020, 11:51 PM   #103
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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And she beat me to it :p



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 20-02-2020, 12:14 AM   #104
Cacoethes
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Aww thanks Buttons
Really appreciate that <3



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 20-02-2020, 01:00 AM   #105
Auror.
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<3, I'm sure it's really scary being out of area and all that happened, but I hope they're treating you kindly like you deserve.



You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 20-02-2020, 02:12 AM   #106
Shirayuki
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*sends many hugs and much love* <3




We'll make it together, one small step at a time


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Old 20-02-2020, 07:19 AM   #107
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*sends love and hugs*





It's a long way down
On this rollercoaster.



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Old 20-02-2020, 07:52 AM   #108
Cacoethes
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Thank you everyone <3



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 20-02-2020, 09:34 AM   #109
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Sending gentle hugs <3







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Old 20-02-2020, 10:12 AM   #110
Cacoethes
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Thank you <3



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 20-02-2020, 10:48 AM   #111
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Love you, really glad you are alive x



with Christ I hang upon the cross

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Old 20-02-2020, 11:42 AM   #112
Cacoethes
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Thank you tamo x

Just had ward round
They want me to think about clozapine again



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 20-02-2020, 06:54 PM   #113
The Worst Witch
 
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Why don’t you want to go back on it? If I remember correctly, you were pretty well on it for more than a year. Why did you stop if it was helping? Sorry if thats a question thats been asked before.

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Old 20-02-2020, 07:29 PM   #114
Cacoethes
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Because of the side effects. Mainly the weight gain.
They said there is another medication they can put me on alongside clozapine to reduce the weight gain risk but that's just even more medication and I'm sick of it.
You are right though, I was well on the clozapine.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 21-02-2020, 08:22 AM   #115
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Is it worth considering with the additional med, if it keeps you well and out of hospital? Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to be the only med that has managed to keep you well for any substantial amount of time. Could you write a pros and cons list to help you decide?

I understand that it’s hard to accept potentially being on meds for a long period of time, is there anything your team have suggested to help you cope with this thought? What helped you consistently take them previously?

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Old 21-02-2020, 11:35 AM   #116
Cacoethes
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That's true. It's the only med that has worked.
I will write a pros and cons list. That's a good idea.

My team hasn't suggested anything.
I wasn't as against meds then as I am now so that's what makes it hard
I just don't want to be on any meds



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 21-02-2020, 12:26 PM   #117
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Can I ask why, if you know it’ll help make you feel better? Of course, if people could feel better without meds that would be ideal, but unfortunately we don’t all live in an ideal world.

If you could decide what treatment you could get, what would you want? Do you feel you need any therapy for your issues, for example? I imagine its not conducive to the already stretched mental health teams to keep putting you in hospital (never mind how it must make you feel). If you were given a choice and could do anything, what would you do?

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Old 21-02-2020, 01:11 PM   #118
Cacoethes
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I don't know
I guess I'm not thinking rationally.
I should go back on the clozapine. Although it will mean 2 weeks here at least to get back on it.

I've had every type of therapy imaginable so not sure if that would help.
Maybe it's worth trying again idk
I don't know what I'd talk about in therapy

I may be sectioned
I did something silly and the doctor came to talk to me and said they were worried.
They don't want me leaving so might section me to preemptively stop me from leaving even though I haven't tried to yet
I don't want to be sectioned



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 21-02-2020, 01:19 PM   #119
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I’m sorry Beckie (is it ok to call you that? If not say and I’ll edit it out). Its good that you can see you may not be thinking rationally. It sounds like you’re really struggling, what would help distract you so you don’t try to leave and therefore hopefully don’t get sectioned? I can give you a list of ideas if that would be helpful?

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Old 21-02-2020, 01:23 PM   #120
Cacoethes
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Yes it's fine to call Beckie

I'm trying to stay distracted by playing games on my phone and watching TV in the communal area
There's not much else to do
A list of ideas would be fantastic, thank you



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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