Mum and Dad just had a fight and blamed me for the family's problems. Thought I'd be okay, but no, I was wrong...
*crawls under the covers, trembling violently*
Oh huge hugs! This just reminded me of something, I was reading through an old diary before and my dad used to say the same thing. I hope your feeling better..
Me.. ugh let's not go there. I just hate this. Hate it all. So tempted to go to the shops to buy something
I'm sorry for the lack of indiviual replies but typing with one hand is difficult. I am reading all and thinking of you all though.
My arm is hurting today but the nurses are due to come and give me a shower. My housemate has been really helpful, with ccooking for me and putting on my washing and stuff. I just wish I knew how long I'd be one-armed for. About another 7 weeks I think. D:
*hugs everyone*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
*raises cup of tea* Here's to a speedy recovery Kahlia!
BigBear, *gigantic hugs!!!!!* retail therapy is always fun. hopefully something makes you feel better.
work was a nightmare, couldn't get mom and dad's accusations out of my head, and the customers today were incredibly impatient and cranky and I guess I got overwhelmed and dissociated. =( I "woke up" around a half hour ago (about 10:30pm my time) and had a major panic attack because I was at home in my pjs and had no idea how i got there, the last thing i remember was i was giving a particularly cranky man his change...
I'm not quite sure how i'm feeling right now. scared? depressed? anxious? nothing feels quite right.
Last edited by PapaBear : 01-07-2009 at 07:01 AM.
Reason: had to make things make sense
I feel like I've been attacked by a staple gun ... and my shoulder looks like it as well.
The biggest problem I'm facing is the voices. They are being particularly troublesome and loud. My housemate gave me an olanzapine which has helped me to settle them down a little. I either need PRN anti-psychotic medications or a change in the base drug.
*leaves hugs for all*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
*more hugs to Kahlia* that's really too bad love. I hope it works out really soon.
my clean streak's ruined. I broke down, couldn't take it. I feel soooooo guilty, it's not even funny. I feel like I have to punish myself by either not cleaning it or by pouring something like rubbing alcohol in it to make it burn more...i know it's not smart, but i feel like i deserve it...
i'm feeling so many emotions right now, that i'm starting to get sick to my stomach and my head feels light and spinny...
argh!!!!! the wanting to cut has come back x100. its getting hard to resist it. not good, i just feel so overwelmed and completely lost. i just want to curl up and hide, but i cant. argh!!!! somebody just shoot me now. please =[
i won't shoot you, but i'm happy to hug you shadowedsoul *hugs x99 million* do something to distract yourself from the thought of cutting. watch a movie, draw a picture, hug a stuffed animal, something non-destructive. *wraps ss in a soft, warm blanket and hands a cup of soothing herbal tea* feel better love
Dayna - Those dreams sound weird. I just woke up after a dream I was in the hotel from The Shining. Very scary :/
*Hugs Katie* I hope you can fight the urges sweetie, thinking of you.
*Hugs Kahlia* Hope your arm feels better soon. Voices can be a real pain in the ass, are you able to arrange a meds review soon?
*Hugs Jazz* I'm sorry you're parents have caused you to feel so bad. At least when you 'blanked out' you managed to get home alright. Don't worry too much about slipping up, it happens. I really suggest you don't do anything to aggravate the wound, try to let it heal so you can get on with your clean streak.
*Hugs shadowed* I agree with Jazz, try to distract yourself. I know it's easier said than done, but sometimes the urges don't actually last very long. You can hide here in the ward, the denial tent is good for hiding.
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The voices have been in and out since I woke up. But because I'm so hot, when they speak to me I feel 10X more stressed. Arrrgghh.
Listening to classical music radio to try and keep me mellow.
*Retreats to smoking shelter* I think I'll stay out here today.
I bought it. I bought a blade. Saw a movie. Had a good time. Went to my old youth group. Almost broke down. Had a bad panic attack. Then my friend ditched me. She took me home though. Want to talk someone. Need to talk to him. *cries* I need him.
Thanks Arwen. Just a mess at the moment :( I was only thinking today how the anxiety has been pretty good since I've been 'home', but tonight.. oh my. Not good. I really want to ring him actually. But I've already sent a message. I don't want to sound obsessive or annoying. I mean, I have a BOYFRIEND. I just.. so confused. Weighed myself too.. lost weight. Hmm.
Try to remember that the anxiety has been good lately, so it will probably stay that way after this blip.
Is it really a good idea to talk to him while you have a boyfriend? What if it confuses you more?
I'm okay thanks. Just way too hot. I know I sound like a broken record, but I'm going to complain about it until autumn :P
xxx
Sorry love, got to log off now. Have eaten too much and need to lie down.
Really should exercise it off, but I'm feeling too low to do anything but snooze.
Take care xxx
LOL complain all you want :P I'd gladly share the cold if you want :P
yeah, your probably right. He's actually overseas. Chances of anything happening is next to nil. Really. I just wanted to talk to him, have a nice chat like the good old days ay? We used to chat SO much. Then we kinda went our seperate ways and he went out with some.. girl (won't go into that).. and now we've only just recently chatted again. It's been nice really. I'm just confused about everything. Ugh. Might be an idea if I go to bed early.. but I don't want to. I want to do something I've thought about what to do I dont know. I don't know what to do
sorry for no replies but hugs to everyone. things are just going from bad to worse things arent getting better so i give up. i know uwat u r all thinking im sorry
Sorry love, got to log off now. Have eaten too much and need to lie down.
Really should exercise it off, but I'm feeling too low to do anything but snooze.
Take care xxx
Oops, only saw that just now. Take care of yourself ok? Thanks for chatting anyway. *hugs*
Cheryl- *huge hugs* I'm sorry things arent good at the moment.. please try to hang in there x
Katie - I used to chat all the time with my ex, and then he decided to start going out with a girl (that I'm sure he cheated on me with) and has been ignoring me since February. I think sometimes we should just leave these people in the past.
*Hugs Secrets back* Hope your head feels better.
*Hugs Cheryl* What do you think we're all thinking? All I'm thinking is that I hope you're okay and that you manage to get through this.
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I'm glad it's cooled down a bit :)
I've got close friends coming over tomorrow which I'm looking forward to. Feeling really fat at the moment, want to purge but my dad would realise and be disappointed.
xxx
I've thought about what to do 
