Graphic - I can't!! Please someone advice me!

NitaGetFree · 19-12-2014, 02:08 AM

When I came on before I really did want to stop self harming and be in my eating disorder but now it just seems like it's not a possibility at all right now. I'm so angry and I'm so overwhelmed and I'm so helpless. My husband is ill and has been for some time now and it's just getting worse. All I can do is watch as he gets so frustrated and upset that none of doctors seem to know why he feels the way he does. Then to top that he has some thing going on that is making it difficult for us to conceive and that doctor just said he had to live with it because it wasn't serious enough. He gave us no alternatives on how to get through this!
All this is just making me go completely crazy! I can't stop wanting to hurt myself and it's starting to progress to be more often, in new places and more serious. I go days with eating very little to a complete eat everything I can. I just don't feel I can focus on my family and recovery at the same time. I don't have the strength to deal with both.
How can I do both? How can I focus when my head feels like it's spinning and all I feel is angry and helpless. I can't lose my husband physically or in any other way! I can't handle that not when we have only had a bit over a year.

NitaGetFree · 19-12-2014, 05:04 AM

I'm going to work on answering you backwards. It's the only I can think to answer. My family knows I struggle with self harm and it's a big issue between my husband and i because he just gets mad when he sees a new scar. He has tried to help more then any one though, like he refuses to buy me shaving razors and we only have his special ones. I use Nair. My eating though mostly everyone doesn't understand my husband really doesn't know or get it.
We want a child and we do want to be in good place health wise and stable. My side of the whole system is fine it's him and the doctor told him to live with it. it just hurts to see him feel guilty that we not be able to ever have a child when he knows that something I have always wanted.
I have some professional support but with my husband health so odd and my job it is hard to fit in appointments especially where we we live is a bit remote.
I will try to take your advice on routine its just i don't know how to start that. after treatment centers I always had a hard time creating that and starting it. I have such a hard time in the kitchen. I don't know how to get past the freezing when it's a little to eat day and hard to overcome the zombie attack behavior when all i do is eat. I just don't know where to begin.