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Old 27-02-2020, 11:57 AM   #141
Cacoethes
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Hi
Thanks for asking

I've been asleep pretty much constantly these last few days.
Refusing food and fluid so pretty miserable but has to be done.
Keep having seizures so ended up in a&e a few days ago.
They forced me to have bloods taken after another seizure yesterday.
I'm just having a terrible time tbh.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 27-02-2020, 02:15 PM   #142
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I’m sorry things are so tough atm Becky. I know you said previously you weren’t sure this is mental illness, so you might not be receptive to this idea but I was wondering if anyone has ever suggested CBT-P to you? It’s CBT but specifically looking at beliefs or experiences that might be considered ‘psychosis’, for example contamination etc. When I was with the early intervention team a lot of people were offered it and it generally had really good feedback and some were even able to reduce meds etc. Maybe something to ask the psychiatrist about when you’re feeling upto it?





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Old 27-02-2020, 04:10 PM   #143
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Thanks Emma

I've never heard of CBT-P so I'll ask about it
I'm not convinced I have a mental illness still though.

I was supposed to have ward round today but I was asleep and the doctor said not to wake me up.
So I'm annoyed about that because I want to come off 1:1.
And they said they're going to try to get me back to my local area which I don't want because I'm worried about being forced to have ECT again and being made to go into supported housing.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 27-02-2020, 04:46 PM   #144
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Oh, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now!
I understand why being on 1:1 might be very annoying, especially when you don't feel it is necessary. However, I'm afraid it is unlikely you're going to be taken off if you still refuse food and fluids. Do you think it would be possible for you to consider at least looking for a compromise when it comes to this, so that you'll get a chance to get off 1:1?
Why do you think getting into your local area will lead to other negative consequences?

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Old 27-02-2020, 06:10 PM   #145
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I could be wrong, but I would guess that the staff there will be communicating with staff in your local area even if you aren't physically there. So any concerns would probably apply the same regardless of your location. I know when I've been in different hospitals (not quite the same but similar) they are able to access treatment notes and communicate with staff in other places to find out information, for good or bad.



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Old 27-02-2020, 07:22 PM   #146
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Usually staff in different hospitals within the same trust CAN access notes of patients at other units, but I would be surprised if anyone apart from bed manager and maybe your RC (responsible clinician/consultant) were aware you’d been admitted to a different hospital. If nurses etc look on ‘the bed board’ on the trust system they will be able to see you’re a patient in a different hospital but generally you don’t have any reason to unless the bed manager or RC has said that patient will be moving across. If your RC is the community psychiatrist there is no reason the psych at your local hospital will necessarily even know you’re an inpatient unless bed manager informs them (or at least that’s how it works in the trust I work for). The current IP psych will be able to see the plan your previous IP psych made though (even if not RC) but it will be up to them and community team to decide on what’s best at present.

I know you desperately don’t want supported accommodation or ECT etc and obviously none of us can advice on what’s best, but have you thought about asking an advocate or your Mum (or both) to support you with arguing your case?

Re CBT-P....I know you aren’t convinced it’s illness causing what you’re experiencing but even if it isn’t...perhaps some space to talk through what’s happening might be helpful? Just an idea anyway. I’m not totally sure which trusts offer it although I believe it’s the majority now.





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Old 27-02-2020, 07:41 PM   #147
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I don't know what a compromise could be.
I'm not going to start eating or drinking.
They tried to get me to drink water from a syringe today because I passed out in a group.
There was a lot of unnecessary fuss.
I just needed to go to bed but they wouldn't let me walk there.
And then I got to bed and had a seizure
I'm not liking life at the moment

I'm not sure if my local ward are aware I'm here or not.
If I'm on a waiting list to go there I imagine that they would be aware

An advocate is a good idea
I'll look into that if I get moved
My mum would be useless as she ALWAYS agrees with what the doctors say



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 28-02-2020, 08:08 AM   #148
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Do you find the seizures get worse/more frequent when you're not eating and drinking? It looks that way to me, but it's hard to be sure.





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Old 28-02-2020, 01:07 PM   #149
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Yes I think they do
I shouldn't be having them because I'm now on 3 medications for epilepsy and they were controlled-ish before I came in



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 28-02-2020, 06:44 PM   #150
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Could you consider it a factor when deciding whether or not to eat and drink?





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Old 28-02-2020, 07:16 PM   #151
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I’ve had a couple of drinks today and it’s been really bad.
Collapsed earlier which is why I had the drinks
Then went to my room and cried
I’m so sick of all this
I feel like I’ll never get out of here
I have to stop drinking again even though I hate the seizures



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 03-03-2020, 04:32 PM   #152
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I'm so sorry things are so tough at the moment.
I think you made a right decision by choosing to have the drinks, you did the right thing!
I understand how it might be feel like a hard, exhausting battle, though.
But this can't last forever. Staff in the hospital are trying their best to help you and eventually they'll figure something out, I'm sure! You will feel better and you will be able to get out of the hospital. Don't give up!

What makes you feel like you absolutely have to stop drinking?

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Old 03-03-2020, 06:21 PM   #153
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Thank you Juella

I feel a lot like giving up
It has been a bad day
Incident at 3am, tried to escape and another incident about an hour ago which required the duty doctors presence. I lost quite a bit of blood and because of the blood thinners it just won't stop.
1:1 was bad enough but now its been stepped up

I have to stop drinking so I can die
But I've had 2 coffees today because the doctor said I needed to drink because of the blood loss but the voices are going crazy about it and I can't deal with it and I don't know what else I can do



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 04-03-2020, 04:23 PM   #154
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I understand feeling like giving up. I see that things are very hard, but I believe you're strong enough to get through this. I don't know you personally, but just the things that you post on this site prove that you're an incredibly strong person and got through so much already, so you can make it through this too.

I'm sorry you had such a tough day. Although it's good to know you're in a safe place and doctors are around to help you. I understand wanting to get away from the hospital, but I hope you can see an upside of having doctors around too.

I am very glad to know you had two coffees today as well. I know it must be tough on you, but you're doing the right thing.

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Old 05-03-2020, 12:08 PM   #155
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Thank you juella

I've moved hospitals now to somewhere slightly closer to home
Still not my usual ward which I am pleased about tbh
I am yet to see the consultant
But depending on blood results I may have to go to the general hospital because the wound still hasn't stopped bleeding
I'm still on 1:1 which I am annoyed about
Hopefully I'll get to see the consultant today and ask to be taken off it
I'm sick of being in hospital



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 05-03-2020, 01:38 PM   #156
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Do you 100% want to die? I think somewhere in you you are fighting to get better. You need to fight to get back to the life you want. I know it's extremely hard though. What helped during your last admission?





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Old 05-03-2020, 02:11 PM   #157
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No I don't want to die at all!
But I 100% NEED to die to save the world

Apparently I'll see the consultant today so I'll see what the plan is and if they still want to start me on clozapine



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 05-03-2020, 05:01 PM   #158
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Sending massive hugs.

How did it go today?







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Old 05-03-2020, 05:13 PM   #159
Cacoethes
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Thank you <3

The doctor was confusing.
She first said she didn't want to take me off 1:1 but then she did (thankfully)
She says I should be out of here in a week once meds are sorted.
So I think I'm going back on the depo and she's increasing my other anti psychotic.
Nothing has changed but at least I'm off 1:1!



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 05-03-2020, 05:47 PM   #160
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Nope. Back on 1:1 thanks to some paperwork.
And off to A&E because this frickin wound won't stop bleeding



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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