Beyond repair.

[chinahorse]

Thank you all so much. Very nice of you guys.

Im ok today I think. Low but ok. Just worried I'm being lazy and aren't ill physically or mentally.

I'm really worried about work tomorrow. And seeing my psychiatrist and future therapist on Wednesday. Terrified she will say I'm too high risk for therapy. But I've always been high risk, it's kind of something you have to accept about me.

I don't know what to say about meds

[one_step_closer]

I don't think you're being lazy, you obviously struggle with a lot of symptoms and you keep going for most of the time which is most definitely not lazy. Some people wouldn't do the things you do even if they had no physical or psychological struggles at all.

What worries you about work? Are there things that will make it even a little easier?

Are you still taking your meds? I thought you were finding them helpful?

I hope it goes well on Wednesday, I guess all you can do is be honest and put your points across. You deserve support, and I hope something suitable can be sorted for you.

[chinahorse]

Thank you <3

Work is very full on. At the moment I need a rest after showering let alone running around all day. And I'm worried I will have forgotten everything. And I feel guilty for not doing any studying.

I am finding the meds helpful but I don't want to be on 2 antidepressants, 3 painkillers, an antipsychotic and a stomach med. It seems like way too many. It is way too many.

[chinahorse]

Really struggling to stay safe from self harm.

[tamobhuuta]

I believe you can get through this. It's hard but keep fighting. Is there anything in particular making you want to SI?

[chinahorse]

Im so scared of work tomorrow.

[tamobhuuta]

How come?

[chinahorse]

Physically I don't think I can do it with how my fibromyalgia is right now. I'm stupidly anxious even leaving the house right now, never mind being a responsible person all day and having to people for 9 hours. And I'm stupidly scared I've forgotten everything.

[tamobhuuta]

That is scarey. In your heart of hearts do you think it is more helpful for you to go to work or take sick leave?

[one_step_closer]

I think lots of people have similar worries when going back to work, how can you safely get some peace from your anxiety? Tomorrow will come and you can deal with it when it does. You can only do what you're capable of. I don't think you will have forgotten everything but it's ok to need a refresher. Please be honest with people if you need a bit of a break or are struggling.

[chinahorse]

I can't afford to take sick leave- I live paycheck to paycheck. And I think the anxiety wouldn't get better if I continued to not go to work. As much as I think if I had another few days off I may physically get better.

The thing is I can't just take a break at work. Patients need seeing, surgery will need cleaning, paperwork needs doing.

[tamobhuuta]

Can you insist on break?

[chinahorse]

It's not possible. Im a trainee dental nurse. With patients back to back. If there's any space between I have lots of other behind the scenes stuff to do.

[Stellata]

I'm sure you legally have to take some breaks?

[chinahorse]

I get a lunch hour. Which is more a lunch 45 mins by the time I've cleaned down at the end and set up at the other side.

[Stellata]

How many hours do you work?

[chinahorse]

8......

[Stellata]

I'm sure legally you should have at least one 15 minute break. Do you have a union rep you can talk to?
Also - reasonable adjustments might help?

[one_step_closer]

How have you been getting on?

[chinahorse]

Things seem to be slowly improving back to my baseline. They're not great by a long shot but better slowly.