Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Trying to move on

[melda]

I was in family therapy the other day and we were talking about the time when I was hurt/abused by a friend of mine. I have always had trouble seeing it as abuse and that it was wrong because the guy was the same age and because I liked our relationship in the beginning, which meant it got confusing when it turned into abuse, because I didnt know whether it was wrong. I knew I felt very uncomfortable, and I coped by dissociating.

My family therapist told me how abusers work, which really helped. She said that abusers do things gradually and remind you that you enjoyed it in the beginning, and that because it gradually turns into being hurt, there are so many feelings. Also, because I already had feelings towards him, which was even more confusing because I was being hurt, yet I stil had feelings for him.

I am trying to change how I think about him in the way that Im trying to think that what he did was wrong and unacceptable, but its so hard. I dont know how to get him out of my head, how to move on. I dont want to talk to him, and I dont think I want to go to the police. I am scared of falling for him again, which would make things a lot harder. Anyone got any ideas.

Im so confused at the moment, so sorry if this post doesnt really make sense.

[88shelz]

its good that you have been able to have someone to talk to about this and they are supporting you

my honest opinion is that you need to try and stay away from this guy. as said they can be manipulative and cause you to fall for them again and believe things have changed.

be strong and be good to yourself. dont let yourself fall in the trap of forgiving him and wanting to be with him

[melda]

I think I will stay away from him, I really dont want to fall for him again. I dont know how to move on, I keep telling myself that Im over it and that it wasnt my fault and all that, but still it haunts me and I dont know how to get him out of my head.

[whirlpools]

Sometimes we are desperate to find love and comfort in our lives. So desperate, that we cling to the wrong kind of love - the love that keeps us hurt and controlled.

And sometimes... well, often, abusive situations can leave us with a whole range of very confusing and conflicting feelings. Abuse is complicated, and abusers design it that way to hold us in that place. Sometimes they prey on our insecurities and needs.

I'm not sure what to suggest, except keep working with your family and your family therapist to understand what happened.

[Forever-Crying-Pain]

I have faith in you xxxx