Yeah I agree with Jo, a lot of what she said applies to me too.
Also, you know, I think you can tell somebody they're not fat until you're blue in the face, but what we should REALLY be doing is to make people realise that yes, some people are fat. So what? Its a physical descriptive attribute, not a death sentence, not an insult, there's nothing wrong with it unless its affecting your health. If you exercise properly, and eat well, and you're still not thin, your life is not over!! THATS the societal message we need to change.
I respect what you're saying and its very sweet and well-intentioned, but ED's are rarely about weight in the end anyway. Mostly its something people latch onto because they have problems in thier lives. Which is why it doesnt matter if they are fat or not fat they will continue with thier ED behaviour until the underlying problems are dealt with.
s a r a h
* pm me * eating disorders info *
"Between two worlds life hovers like a star,
twixt night and morn, upon the horizon's verge."
- Lord Byron
Also, you know, I think you can tell somebody they're not fat until you're blue in the face, but what we should REALLY be doing is to make people realise that yes, some people are fat. So what? Its a physical descriptive attribute, not a death sentence, not an insult, there's nothing wrong with it unless its affecting your health. If you exercise properly, and eat well, and you're still not thin, your life is not over!! THATS the societal message we need to change.
A few reasons a) I want to look sick and anorexic and gross because then poeple will see how I really feel inside I feel like I'm dying inside so why be beautiful onthe outside. b) I feel like I will never be beautiful so what's the point c) this is prouably a big one, if I look ugly then maybe people will ingnore me, guys won't be attracted to me, and not hurt me. d) I view myself as fat no matter what weight I'm at and I know I can't see myself realistically so I think i need to leos weight e) ya it is a punishment kind of another form of self-harm I guess, like I don't deserve food, I don't deserve to be beautiful.
It was never about looking pretty for me or trying to look like models on TV. If anything I want to look sick, the idea that maybe if I'm sick enough people will care for me. Also it's what I can control it's almost like I feel a sense of accomplishment when the number goes down on the scale, but in the end it's never thin enough. Also it's almost like there's this idea that if I get thin enough I'll disapear, it's almost like I feel ike if I'm thin enough i can go into any space and hide and people won't see me or hurt me ( i k now it's not realistic but that's how my brain thinks sometimes.) Also it's due to depression and stuff like there's thimes where I've said I don't want to eat or drink I just want to die, it never lasts for long but in many ways it's slow suicide. I know once a phyciratrist was like you know this is slow suicide and I didn't care and at that point in time I was like well I want to starve myself to death. She said it was a very painful way to die and I remeber thinking good, the more pain the better I deserve it. I don't necessaly think that right now, but I know depression plays a huge role in it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mental Razor
Wow, I've never really thought about it from this perspective. If you guys don't mind me asking, why do you not want to be attractive? Is it to punish yourselves? Please don't be offended by my asking, it's just that my entire life I've wanted to be thin and beautiful. So I'd like to know the other side of that.
hey
im sort of stuck in the middle on this one...i always had issues with the way i looked...didnt have much self-esteem and i always felt like ther was something not right about me...thats when my eating habits changed..
however, it did get worse wen my boyfriend criticised me about my weight..so i dont know if my ED is more about myself or about things he said to me...mayb both...
but of most of the guys who i have asked about weight and stuff, they do say they dont like to feel bones n evrythin...
take care
yasmin
xx
Wow, I've never really thought about it from this perspective. If you guys don't mind me asking, why do you not want to be attractive? Is it to punish yourselves? Please don't be offended by my asking, it's just that my entire life I've wanted to be thin and beautiful. So I'd like to know the other side of that.
I was sexual abused as a child.
Sexual assaulted as a teenager and sexualy harrased in my first job
i dont want a repeat of any of that - thats exactly why.
In addition to that i have abit of an issue with my worth of life - if you see what i mean...
Being ill feels/felt safe... and it was so much of me
pinkgurl we sounds rather similar
“Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.”
----
Thank you to pinkgurl and kel for sharing what I can only assume to be very painful thoughts. I never realized there were so many sides to ED. I guess for me the ED has always been about an obsession with food. And with wieght. People made fun of me for being chunky from an early age. I went from being anorexic in my teen years to being an overeater in my 20's. Either way though, it's still an obsession. In fact I really think that being anorexic when I was a teenager and denying myself food for so long made me the way I am today. Like because now I have free reign over what I eat, and what I keep in my house. Somehow I think my body is trying to make up for the years of starving. I use to always be able to restrict whenever I wanted, and then I got pregnant. I couldn't do that to my baby, so I ate. Now, 3 years later, I weigh almost as much as I did when I was pregnant and I can't seem to stop eating. Now I feel so very out of control. :(
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
*didnt read all replies, just skimmed, so forgive me if i repeat anybody*
for me, its not about being thin.
its about disappearing.
its loving the headrush every time I stand up
.... then again, as a stripper, my income would DIE if i went anywhere near overweight, and I have to be careful not to get to thin or i lose customers cuz they think im a meth fiend... but if it werent for that, id let myself waste to nothing.
job also keeps me from the blades somewhat.. can only do where I can cover with jewelry.. or JUST ONE line wherever else.. and find an unused excuse...
Half Psychotic Sick Hypnotic We sat and waited for the sea
To stretch out so that we could disappear
Into the endlessness of blue Into the horror of the truth We are far less than we knew
Ya Kel- sexual harassment, sexual abuse too. I know guys don't like skin and bones they like poeple to have curves my dad told me that, though that turns me off all the more. Plus I don't want to look like a woman because then guys will be attracted to me and might hurt me again.
