My head feels like it could literally explode at any minute.
I have an ED and along with it I have money problems.
At the moment I have no money and no food.
I spent all my money because I was scared if I had money I would binge, recently I just keep doing it automatically without any thought really.
Now part of me feels angry at myself as that means I have to starve myself, so I can't try and recover, although on the other hand I love the fact that it means until I next get paid in just under two weeks I can't fail and binge.
All my head can think now is foood and it feels like I have about a million people in my head yelling at me to shoplift some. I'm not stupid I know shoplifting is wrong and that I shouldn't do it...but omg I've had these urges in my head for five hours at least and the voices in my head just won't shut up they just seem to be getting worse.
The only way that I think it will stop is if I actually do it (which will end up in in me getting very mad at myself and punishing myself in a million ways and probably knowing my lack of subtlety getting caught) or overdosing to get some peace from my head for a while.
OMG I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?
Please help.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
Do you have any kind of support network in place--family, friends, counselor, anything like that? If so, maybe they would be willing to help you out, even just to loan you food or money, or to offer you a solid presence of moral support so that you can thrash this out. Also, in this same vein, have you posed this question to the ED boards? They might be of some help to you over there, as well. As for future suggestions, I don't know what your situation is, but might it help to go food shopping one day at a time? To be honest, I don't really know what to advise here. I wish I were more help to you.
You are going to need some food in the next two weeks, even if it isn't much so you have to get a friend/family/charity involved here. Shoplifting will only create more problems.
And yeah then maybe only buy the food you need that day and that way there is nothing to binge on. Order it online if you are worried going into a supermarket will make you buy more than you need.
if you have any kind of help work with them to set yourself up a healthy meal plan for each day so you know what you are going to eat and need each day at a time.
Please try your very hardest to resist the urges to shoplift. I suffer from kleptomania (incidentally it is quite linked with my eating disorder too) and I was arrested at the end of last year, and I still can't stop.
I can only repeat what has already been said - try to talk to whoever supports you, whether that is parents or friends or mental health professionals. It sounds like you need some extra care and support with your eating disorder, as well as some more practical help with your finances.
Thanks for your support guys it really does mean a lot.
Unfortunately I was a very bad girl >:( and I did shoplift and then like I predicted ended up getting very mad with myself and self harming. So that was a massive fail. At least I didn't get caught although in some ways I wish I did because I feel so bad about it.
I haven't told anyone in RL as I don't want them to think bad of me as that is not the kind of person I am. I had a careplanning meeting this morning with my psych, camhs support worker, connexions worker and my two key workers in the hostel I live in, and we talked about my eating and that they are really going to try and help me with that along with getting me involved in something to do in the community and also help me financially. So things don't seem as bad as they were but then I haven't eaten all day so thats probably why - I now feel back in control of things.
I hate it how one minute I want to recover from my ED and the next I'm like no theres nothing wrong with me I just want to lose a bit more weight.
I'm going to try what you guys suggested when I next get paid about just buying what I need everyday, although having money does make me extremely anxious that I'll binge. I really want this too work.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
I'm going to try what you guys suggested when I next get paid about just buying what I need everyday, although having money does make me extremely anxious that I'll binge. I really want this too work.
If you don't trust yourself, get your extra money out of your hands; put it in the bank, or get it out of sight. If it's not in your wallet when you're out and about, the temptation to spend will be a little easier to resist. Also, since it sounds like you have a decent support network in place, perhaps they would help you. For instance, when you go out shopping, would one of your friends go with you, just for moral support?
I am glad that you have a good support network in place. It's important that you try and tell someone about what happened though. These kind of urges thrive on secrecy and breaking that secrecy will break the power it has over you.
I'm sorry that you had to take the food, but it's not the end of the world. One slip up does not mean that you have a habit! Keep fighting.
I'd agree with the advice about putting the money in the bank. Put money where you can't access it. You could give any change to the support worker in your hostel. You can do it!
If you ever want to have a rant, about shoplifting or eating or absolutely anything, feel free to PM me xxx
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