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Old 01-09-2015, 08:41 PM   #1
PoppyLove
 
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So scared and confused, but I just want to be excited about my life!

I have seen a lot of posts like this recently, and with the new school year starting I feel exactly the same way. So, sorry to be repetitive, but I had to get this out there!

I am 24 years old. I graduated in May 2014 with a bachelor’s degree in speech therapy. You need a master’s to practice, but I didn’t get into graduate school and I didn’t really want to do it anymore anyway – I just graduated with the degree because I was already almost done. I saw counselors because I was so stressed and they suggested I try to find a full time job, just for now, but I wasn’t able to do that so I went back to school.

Now, I am studying business. Officially, I am an accounting student but I really dislike accounting and want to switch. My problem is, I have no idea what I want to do!

Currently, I am in the process of gaining experience – which is good. I work in an office, we do registration/planning for conferences and noncredit programs. I love it, but it’s a student job so I won’t be eligible once I graduate. I’m also gaining experience with various computer programs and office-type knowledge that I know will be helpful. I’m also doing my best to take advantage of things like career fairs, clubs, and other networking opportunities.

My main problem now is I feel like I am floundering: I’m terrified, and desperate. People are constantly asking me what I want to do with myself, and at 24 I feel like I need to make a choice. I live at home right now to save money, but I want to move out and be independent. I feel like I have no dreams! I also get this nasty, fearful feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I think about things like ‘networking’, or career fairs. It all just feels so corporate and intimidating. For one thing, I know that I don’t really want to work in a super corporate setting; ideally I’d find a job with a nonprofit or a smaller business. For another, it makes me feel like unless I do everything just right, network with the right people and look the part perfectly, no one will want to hire me and I’ll be stuck forever.

Which, of course, doesn’t help with my already present self-confidence issues. I have acne and scarring, which I am actively trying to fix (and have some hope, but it will take awhile) so any sort of implication that “appearance is everything” makes me feel like any potential employer will look at me like I’m white trash and I won’t get hired.

Maybe it’s because my brother is so successful and knows what he wants to do with himself, or maybe it’s because I just came out of a degree program that was so totally tracked and now it’s all up in the air. But I am absolutely terrified and have no idea what to do – terrible, since I already had bad anxiety and now am bordering on depression. I just want to feel excited about my life, but I feel like that’s impossible and have no idea where to begin.

Am I a lost cause? Am I just making totally stupid decisions right now?

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Old 02-09-2015, 12:10 PM   #2
Pi.R^2
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I don't think you're a lost cause or making stupid decisions, in fact it sounds like you're doing everything right! It's OK not to know what you want to do right now and it'll be fine if in ten years time you suddenly find something that you want to do and go after that. My mother for example got her maths degree, then spent nearly twenty years either doing secretarial work or being a stay at home mum and then decided to become a maths teacher and did her teacher training, even though nothing in the past twenty years had involved preparation or networking for teaching!

Maybe having a 1-1 meeting with a careers adviser might help you come up with some ideas of jobs that might work well for you when you graduate, even if they are only interim things whilst you find out what you'd really like to do. For example, you've said you like your office work at the moment, so maybe you could find a similar job to that.



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Old 02-09-2015, 06:07 PM   #3
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Thanks for your answer. I saw a career counselor a couple of years ago on the advice of my university counselor. They weren't too much help. They gave me an aptitude test and basically said that I could just graduate with the speech pathology degree and find work in an office as most places will hire you with any degree or level of experience. Obviously that didn't work, but it's concerning because I've tried to do research on degree programs and the like and I find statements from people saying things like "college is a waste of time" etc. and I fear I'm spending money and working hard and it wouldn't be worth it in the end.

I have considered doing some sort of coordinator job or planning of some sort, which is basically what I'm doing now. I also just joined a club that plans events on campus - it's something way out of my comfort zone but I do recognize it would be good for me. I just fear picking that as a specific "path" because it may not be easy to find work, but something similar could be an option.

I guess what I really found when I was trying to find full time employment before is that people are looking for experience. So if nothing else, I am getting office experience now by working in an office and am learning more about business practices and related computer programs. So maybe I'll be able to find something? I find I cycle between feeling hopeful and feeling absolutely desperate and hopeless.

At the end of the day, I think if I were able to find a job where I don't actively hate it every single day and I can move out and support myself, I'll be fine and can figure it out from there. But that's the dream of everyone, isn't it? :)

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Old 02-09-2015, 11:12 PM   #4
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I think you're doing really well and making good decisions for yourself.

I know when we are teenagers we get the impression that at a certain age you wil just be a grown up who has their life all planned out and figured out. That's just not the reality though, especially for our generation.
I'm 29 and sometimes despair over the littlest of things because I feeling I should know how to run my life by now. From talking to others that's what a lot of people feel for most of their life. It's important to remember that you don't have to make choices for what the rest of your life will be like. Just finding something to aim for after graduating is already a big step :)



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Old 03-09-2015, 04:25 PM   #5
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Thanks. I'm still trying to find something to aim for after graduation :) I guess since I had such a hard time before, I'm still scared that I'm going to graduate with my second degree and...nothing. I will have failed again.

It's a challenge too because my brother is so successful and my parents are so incredibly proud of him. He already knows what he's going to do, and his field is in demand so he'll for sure get a job.

I guess I'd just feel better with a tiny bit of security :) I see emails all the time about recruiters coming to campus, and they're all big companies/corporations and I don't really want to be in that kind of environment, which scares me into thinking I'm doing the wrong thing or in the wrong area. I like office work, I like the business side of things, I just want to work in a smaller capacity and not so much in a big city if I can help it. I guess I'll see how comes to the career fair in a few weeks.

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Old 05-09-2015, 01:18 AM   #6
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Like said before, I don't think you're a lost cause. This problem is actually very common. It is not the people who are asking you's life, it's yours. You get to choose what you want to do with your life. And it may take some time to figure out. It is a big decision and you should take as long as you need.
Good luck, dear. PM me anytime you need to vent, okay? Stay safe xx

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