Feeling safe vs staying safe

[tamobhuuta]

Not undereating is making me feel greedy. Maybe if I SH I can shift the focus?

[Auror.]

Restricting is also a form of self harm, so that doesn't really shift focus at all. What do you mean when you say you're feeling SHy? That to me means you are having urges to self harm, but doesn't really say anything about feelings or what is going on thought wise. Unless I misunderstood what you meant.

[tamobhuuta]

You understood right :) I'm feeling quite vulnerable and alone because of fears around cameras, the implant and the Organisation. I've talked about it with family and they were reassuring, but I can't believe them. 1% of me thinks I need to review my meds so I'm trying to trust that.

[one_step_closer]

How are you doing today? A meds review might be useful, even if only a small part of you thinks it's needed. I guess it depends on what your psych and CPN say. Will you mention it to them?

[tamobhuuta]

My CPN knows, he's meant to be getting a psych appointment m
Today is hard, I'm so tempted to cut.

[tamobhuuta]

The psych isn't in this week so my CPN can't make an appointment yet.

[tamobhuuta]

Never will I offer their offerings of blood

I must not SH
I must not SH
I must not SH

I am getting more scared of the Organisation. I want to tell my CPN about it but mustn't come across needy or attention seeking.

[one_step_closer]

If you think it would help to tell your CPN then that is what he is there for.

[tamobhuuta]

I will try to talk to my mum about it, she'll be back from work soon. Maybe if I still feel like this tomorrow I will text my CPN.

[one_step_closer]

That sounds like a good idea. I'm glad your Mum is there for you.

[tamobhuuta]

We've agreed to check in on my beliefs every day so my family can support me.

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

I'm really glad to hear that. We're always here for you too.

[tamobhuuta]

I've texted my CPN to ask for an appointment but I doubt that he will be able to fit me in soon.

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

Well done on texting him, I hope he can see you soon.

[one_step_closer]

It's good that you reached out to your CPN, hopefully he will see you asap. Are you still talking through things with your Mum?

[tamobhuuta]

A didn't reply but my friend L helped me think of the pros and cons of taking meds so I have decided to keep taking them for now.

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

I can understand how hard it is sometimes to take medication but you really are doing the best thing for yourself by taking them and I'm glad your friend helped you see that a bit more clearly.

[one_step_closer]

It's definitely a good idea to keep taking meds. Please don't ever stop them suddenly because I'm sure you know things could get worse. If you have questions about your meds then wait until you can speak to your psych or CPN.

[tamobhuuta]

Thanks both of you.

[Auror.]

Also stopping meds abruptly can mean pretty awful physical withdrawal. :P

Out of curiosity - have you always had the man and the other voices to listen to and rely on? Was there a time in your life where they were not present? If so, do you remember who you trusted then?