Weight Gain.

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

Hey all, Sorry to post, again but I'm really struggling with my weight at the moment.

About a month ago I was told I either gained weight or went back into hospital, I chose to gain weight & have successfully done so, but I'm really regretting my decision despite knowing it was the right thing to do. I just feel like I've ballooned && no amount of logic seems to be sinking into my brain, I know I'm still emaciated but that doesn't matter, what matters is that I'm not the weight I was & that's causing my ED to flare into such a rage its threatening to swallow me & I'm certain you can tell I've put on weight & have taken to hiding indoors incase people see me & comment. Everyone seems so happy that I'm more safe & seem to think that I'm OK at this weight & I'm really not. I'm still trying, I'm maintaining my weight now but its such a struggle & I don't know how to fight off this pull downwards again, I feel like everyone has forgotten that it's still hard for me. I'm just feeling hopeless & fat & sad. I want to make my brain better & for it to understand that actually I made the right choice rather than the wrong one,, 'cause its so uncomfortable being this weight & I'm stuck & I don't know what to do.

[Bellatrix]

Does it help to look at the numbers and see you're still emaciated. People are still worried about you. People still care about you.

Can you ask for more support? If you let them know you're struggling with this then they are likely to increase the support they give you.

Stay strong love. Remember a healthy body doesn't = bad things/bad memories/fat and gross. A healthy body = love and life.

[Unbreakable.]

J has some good advice.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling so much, it must be very difficult to cope with the distress.
Can you look at ways in which gaining that weight is beneficial to you? For example avoiding a hospital stay, or if that is the case a slight reduction of the physical symptoms of your ED.

Maybe it would be helpful to think of who you want to know that things are still just as hard and how to communicate that in a less self-destructive way.
J's thread here is discussing exactly that, so I hope it's okay to link it! Maybe you'll find some of the suggestions helpful for yourself.

[Arienette]

Is there any support working on the underlying issue with your ED?

When I recovered from my ED to begin with weight gain was horrific and distressing. In the end, instead of anyone forcing my rate of gain, I gained a little, then got used to it and comfortable before gaining a little bit more - REALLY gradually over a really long period of time.

I was fortunate enough that no one made me gain weight at a rate i wasn't happy with, and for a long time my main goal was to stay within the safer parameters of being underweight.

Now I'm the highest weight and healthiest I have ever been - and I never in a million years thought i would accept myself at this weight or height - but i finally have because i worked on the underlying difficulties causing the ed, and gained weight gradually.

My point is, it gets better. You have to push your comfort zones and boundaries to get better, but trust me, the other side to where you are now is so much greener and brighter.

I can now run 40 minutes without stopping whereas i used to collapse walking up the stairs to my front door: it's seriously amazing to be able to accept our body for how it works and how amazing it is regardless of how it looks. It's difficult, but SO worth it in the end - even if the journey is 60% hell.

x

[LittleCloud]

*hugs* lovely Helen. I've seen some pictures of you on Facebook from the weekend and thought only that you look healthier and happy and that is good because you deserve it. I do understand some about the internal hell that weight gain causes though. Do you have anyone working through your feelings about this right now? You really do deserve happiness and health (and you probably still weigh less than my little cat before he wolfed down half a bowl of Chinese- not to mention after ;) ). I hope it gets easier with time lovely. You deserve to be well really, but I understand how scary that seems <3

[Uglyducklin]

Hugs I'm so low on words but everyone has given great advice. Thinking of you x