I guess its time to ask for help.

[Morpheus]

I dont really know where to start or what to ask. I guess im struggling with food more than i like to admit.

The past year has been difficult in regards of food. Ive improved my life in many ways but relapsed into my ed about a year ago. It came sneaking back in with physical illness and being ill and i didnt realise what was happening until it was too late.

I had gained a ton on meds and had become rather overweight. I was very unhappy about that but determined not to lose weight like i had every other time in my life. Unfortunately it went exactly like it has always done and i stopped eating. Ive lost all the weight and recently found out my bmi is now in the anorexic range again. I know with my health issues etc. I cant afford to lose more but no matter how much i try to eat, my weight keep dropping.

Im in an unhappy place atm. This is a bad month for me, very bad after trauma and it is especially related to my body. That means i really cannot face gaining. But im scared. My physical health is very bad atm at it seems i dont realise i have to eat until im about to pass out. Normally i need encouragment to do it still. My boyfriend would normally be the one to do that but today we broke up. I never eat when on my own. I dont know how to manage this.

I feel so overwhelmed and sad and this has taken over my life again. I dont know how to cope besides not eating. I dont know how to get through.

I dont know what im asking. I just feel terribly alone and sad and overwhelmed by life right now. I cant face any of it. I dont know who to ask for help. I dont want to admit how out of control this has gotten, i dont want to get as ill as i used to be either.

I have no idea where to turn but here. Im sorry.

[Epicene]

I'm sorry to hear you're in such a dark place at the moment. I can understand you being upset about finding yourself here again. Anorexia has a way of sneaking up on people and by the time its noticeable it has tightened its grip.

I can see why the prospect of gaining weight is scary, but the more you lose, the harder it will be to recover. Perhaps start out by making sure you don't lose any extra weight and focus on maintaining where you are. If you struggle to remember to eat, maybe set reminders on your phone. Aim for small snacks or means throughout the day to keep your energy levels up. Hopefully you will also get emotional and cognitive benefits from that, like feeling less down, being able to concentrate more and having a less obsessive relationship with food. And lastly, don't berate yourself too much for relapsing. It happens, and now you know to be super careful if you get physically unwell again in future. You have overcome this before, so you can do it again.