Christmas hell

[Emmabob.]

Long story cut short - working Christmas Day, want to see the bf then cause it's our first Christmas living together, mother is being woeful & crying over the fact I cannot be arsed dragging myself 20 miles after doing a full day at work. I said I'd see her Christmas Eve due to work, she agree and is now causing a big drama. Don't know what to do for the best.

Anyone have any wise words?

[Tig]

I think it's fair of you to suggest Christmas Eve as an alternative due to work. It's unrealistic to expect you to drive 20 miles on Christmas Day after work because by that point, the day is nearly gone and I'm sure you'll be pretty tired so wouldn't enjoy driving or having loads of company.

It's also completely natural that you want to spend the time you do have spare with your partner and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty over this.

I guess on some level it is probably hard for your Mum to accept that you are an adult now and that some things change because of that but I know it's not easy when families are making you feel torn about what to do and also think it ends up making you question yourself! So probably just try and tell your Mum that you do understand where she is coming from and that is sad and you are sorry sort of thing, just because it may placate the situation and make your life easier as well.

You are being fair though so don't be harsh on yourself and I hope your Mum is able to compromise with you soon and come to accept this change in circumstances.

[Steel Maiden]

Your mother is being like mine, a bit childish. I'm not sure what to advise except having a serious talk with her about her behaviour.

[Emmabob.]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tig

I think it's fair of you to suggest Christmas Eve as an alternative due to work. It's unrealistic to expect you to drive 20 miles on Christmas Day after work because by that point, the day is nearly gone and I'm sure you'll be pretty tired so wouldn't enjoy driving or having loads of company.

It's also completely natural that you want to spend the time you do have spare with your partner and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty over this.

I guess on some level it is probably hard for your Mum to accept that you are an adult now and that some things change because of that but I know it's not easy when families are making you feel torn about what to do and also think it ends up making you question yourself! So probably just try and tell your Mum that you do understand where she is coming from and that is sad and you are sorry sort of thing, just because it may placate the situation and make your life easier as well.

You are being fair though so don't be harsh on yourself and I hope your Mum is able to compromise with you soon and come to accept this change in circumstances.

I don't even drive, parents are always late for anything.. "we'll be here by x time" & they usually appear an hour later. its bullshit - she rang me & said I either see her christmas day or she's gonna kill herself.

I'm 21, I legitimately don't think I'm being unreasonable for wanting to do my own thing.

[Iamcatbug]

She sounds incredibly selfish, especially if she is threatening to kill herself if you don't go.

You certainly are within your right to do what you want. If she threatens to kill herself again can you maybe point out how she would react if you did that to her? Or even tell her that you won't even bother visiting at all next week if she carries on acting this way? You've given her a compromise and she seems very reluctant to accept it, especially due to transport issues on Christmas Day anyway!