Triggering (SI) - "Hey, me too..." (Friends SI-ing? Discussion)

[spiffykt]

Warning! This is going to be rather long. Enjoy.

Last week, I went on a church mission trip. One night, at the worship service, the pastor guy had just given us a long lecture on sin, and he had us stand up and pray about whatever sin we just kept falling into, over and over. Who wants to guess what mine was? Anyway, after a while he interrupted the silence to start listing sins we may or may not have done. The FIRST THING he said was, "There are cutters in this room who.." (I didn't hear what came after the who, having suddenly felt like there was a spotlight on me and every head was turned in my direction. Nearby, my friend Matt was thinking "Haha, yeah right," and my other friend, Betsy, was thinking "That's Katie," despite the fact that I'd never told her about my SI. I know this because they told me later.)

Anyway, despite feeling terribly called out, I was feeling really hopeful that week, like maybe I could actually beat this, and I was wondering out loud if I should give my youth pastor the update, because he knows about all this stuff that's been going on. I don't even know what made me mention it, but Grace, the girl I mentioned it too, eventually talked me into telling her what'd been going on. "You're going to freak out," I warned her, "but when the pastor guy said..."

Her eyes got super big, but instead of freaking out she said, "Me too." Later that week I noticed another girl in our youth group had scars on her arms, though I haven't talked to her about it. I also found out, after I came home, that my neighbor who I've known my whole life was a cutter, and I found out earlier this year that two of my closest friends from school SI-ed.

Anyone else have similar experiences? I didn't even know, and wouldn't have guessed, until I started myself... Are certain types of people just more prone to it than others? (IE, most of my friends who did it are geeks. Three, including myself, are practicing Christians.) Are people who know people who SI more likely to do it, even if they don't realize the person they know SIs? (Wow, that was a confusing question.)

Sorry it's so long!

[Stress Free Anxiety]

To me it's always seemed as if there's magnets that pull us together, as many people I know also SI. Even people I randomly meet through xanga have been si-ers.

[Angel_Girl]

It took my best friend three years to become brave enough to tell me about his SI. And when he did, I was in agony and sooo mad at myself because I never noticed. He now often says he had been giving me clues all the time, but I must have been too blind. We now have a great trusting friendship. And he is my youth priest. So, yeah.

[Poi-sin]

Some random statistic somewhere said that if you get 10 girls in a room, one of them will have or be a SH cutter. Sometimes I ponder on it when I've actualy gone to my class and am sitting in the female dominated 200+ people lecture theatre.
I also wonder why new statistics only focus on girls and don't mention boys aswell.
I came clean to one of my friends and then she came clean to me that she used to SI. Then she started again later and I was agonising that I'd caused her relapse. But its really nice to have someone understanding why.

[unsurejenny]

i have had many different friends throughout my life that were si-ers but we have never been brave enough to tell eachother our problem. i know that on occasion one of us will flash an obvious cut or a scratch by accident but only once was something ever said. its a shame. maybe next time i will be more brave.

[Ancalagon]

A Cornell study from last year I think found that 17% of college students have self-injured, but that figure takes into account other forms of SI like punching walls, etc.

I re-analyzed the statistics from the study and the figure I came up with was about 7% of college students have cut more than once. I'd estimate about 5% of college students are semi-infrequent repeat cutters, with more like 2-4% regular cutters.

[revenge]

i've had a few experiences like this..
i told my best friend about it a while ago, (well she asked me about it) and she told me that she had been doing it as well..
and then it also happened the other way around, one of my friends told me that they SIed and i was the one who said 'yeah, me too'
(and then she told me about this site =] )

that second time was the only real time i've ever actually talked to anyone about it in real life before..but it felt really good talking about it actually..it was kind of a relief..

[Hannah_x]

There's a guy who I've known for about six months who I recently became really close too, he's now one of my best friends, and I was terrified of what he'd think when he found out about my SI.
But we were talking like last week and he told me that he used to cut and then it was just so easy for me to tell him about mine, and he was absolutely amazing about it.
It's great to have someone who you really trust and find it easy to talk to who knows exactly what you're going through.
x

[~smiling to please you~]

When I initially read this post, I assumed the person who posted, was from the UK. When I realized that they were from Virginia, I admit, I was a bit shocked.

Im not sure if it is because of where I am from, or something, but I know one person who has cut about 2 times (which I would not clasify as a cutter), I know another girl who has told me she has cut, but Im not sure how frequented it is, so I am not going to call her a self injurer at this point, and then I know another girl in recovery, but her self harm I believe, was not for the same reasons we do it....long story, lets just say she is the kind of person that makes people who cut, look like they are doing it for attention.

Having said this, I watch for other self harmers, I watch for marks and such, but it just doesn't seem as common to find them in the US as it is in the UK, I am not sure if you are more populated then us or not, I live in a very small area where everyone kind of knows everyone, and there are secrets hidden around every corner. My mother made my sister hide her pregnancy even from me until she was almost in month 5. I remember in 6th grade we ACTUALLY had one of those girls "go off to her aunts" we all speculated she had gotten pregnant, because when she had came back, she looked much different, and was generally depressed, who knows, it would have been our imaginations running while.

I realize I got completely off topic I appologize, but what I was getting at, is I am not sure it just isn't as common around here, or if when parents find out, they scare the addolencent into never telling a soul, and hiding it away from everyone. Though when I was in school I had a guidance counselor tell me there were more of me out there. So who knows....Interesting post.
xx
Nicole

[Psiren]

Y'know it really is weird how many people you know have SIed and you never knew they did it.
One girl who sat next to me in french for two years, I saw her at prom and she had scratches on her arms. And I knew they were SI ones, but I would never have thought she SIed.

[.ghost.]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poi-sin

Some random statistic somewhere said that if you get 10 girls in a room, one of them will have or be a SH cutter...I also wonder why new statistics only focus on girls and don't mention boys aswell.

I think it's 1 in 5 teenage boys or something isn't it? I'm sure I read that somewhere, I could just be making it up though

Quote:

Originally Posted by revenge

and then it also happened the other way around, one of my friends told me that they SIed and i was the one who said 'yeah, me too'

^ That was my situation involving a "oh yeah, me too", I don't talk to anyone else who cuts, I'd feel too awkward brining it up if I suspected somebody was.

I was shocked at first and wasn't sure what to think, then I was like "Oh my god, I'm not alone", then I really wanted to know everything about it; where, how much, what with? (don't worry Sarah, I'm passed that stage now!) Then it made me sad to think that somebody I cared about SIed...

[[Purple_Rain]]

of my freinds not from RYL, about 7 SH, possibly more that hide it well, or dont realise hwat their doing (i.e. they hit stuff), but definatly 7 cut. it was only when one freind told me, and then a few motnhs later i started cutting, that i relised how many people i know actually did. i am a geek, none of the others are though, they are more the peopel who dont fit into any of the big social groups in school.

[lizzy]

When I was 14 I told my best friend about it. She proceeded to ignore me because she couldn't understand it and then started doing it herself three months later. She told me she couldn't talk to me anymore because we "weren't helping each other" and spent the next 8 months talking about her cutting and depression problems loudly in school and showing off her scars despite me asking her not to. I told very few people whilst she told the world, and being reminded of what I did every day was one of the most hellish experiences of my life. I left school after that and went to another sixth form college. After I left one of my other friends started getting bothered by it and my other (original) friend started apologising for it saying she didn't want to affect her. When I tried to say that she'd been doing it for months our other friends shouted me down.

I've barely spoken to any of them since. I've been very careful about who I tell now.
Sorry for the rant, but it's bothered me for years.

[Ancalagon]

I'd echo what Nicole said up there, it seems as if there's far more self-injury awareness in the UK compared to here in the US. It's just not talked about here, and if it is, it's usually news people saying something like "We're talking today about a frightening and horrifying trend sweeping todays youth, these kids are actually cutting themselves." Basically it makes you feel like you're a scary lab specimen.

OP, I go to school in VA, the state doesn't strike me as being a very...understanding area.

[bright.side.of.life]

when everyone found out i si-ed at a party, about 3 of my mates came up to me at the same party and told me they had si-ed in the past. then 2 more people told me a few weeks later they had si-ed or still did. made me feel strangly better, like someone i knew understood me. they didnt judge me like everyone else. but it did feel a lil awkward too...

[claireyfairy]

My friends have done it in the past when they found out about me. I didnt feel 'drawn together' or whatever, I just felt angry and like they were stealing/copying 'my thing'.
Yes, I'm a bad friend.

[mzbazeball]

i became really close with my current best friend when i noticed many scars on her arm. i asked her about them online that night and it seemed like she was just waiting for someone to ask her about them because she told me everything. after that i told her everything about me and we are best friends now.
i also gave a speech at my high school about cutting and the following day a teammate of mine approached me and told me she struggled with si also.
i always look at people and try to find me to also si. i feel like i have an instant connection with people like me.

[cutupangel09]

I've also had experiences like this, I don't precisely enjoy them though. At least you find people who might understand but on the other hand it sucks after people find out about it though to even if they are friends or whatever.

[monket]

None of my close friends do it, I know that for sure. There's a new boy at my work who showed up with some mysterious scratches on his wrists a few days ago though. (I know this is probably weird, but) now everytime he comes in, I look at his arms to see if anything else appears. Haven't said anything to him though. Probably never will.

[Infatuated]

I spoke to one girl at camp a few years ago who was also a cutter. She saw my scars and just randomly started talking about her own S.I. I lost all contact with her after that...

I always wonder, when I'm in a group of people, who else has or does S.I. And I can't help myself from thinking about who out of my friends would be the most likely to.